She said yes to coffee, but I think she has a boyfriend. Why?

[stupidguy]

I really like a girl at my university, but we don't know each other at all - other than she has seen me speak about psychology and I have seen her speak about psychology (in the class, one student teaches the first hour of every lecture)..

so we both have an impression of one another - and I like what she had to say, or at least how she said it..

any way, today was the last day of class, so after I waited in the hall. she walked right by me and went to the elevator, - so I pretended I was taking the elevator too. we started talking, and I soon I was getting out on her floor. we continued the conversation and everything felt really natural -neither of us were searching for things to say, we were just walking and talking as if we had known each other for a long time.

any way, we arrived to the lab she was going and it was obvious that I had gone out of my way, so rather than making up an exuse for why I was there - I asked her if she would like to have coffeee sometime. she said yes before I finished studdering out the words and wrote her name and number on my hand even though she had paper.. and then invited me to a holoween party tomorrow night..

any way, I was sure she was interested at that point, and was really exited to see her again until I found her on facebook and saw that she 'is in a relationship'

so, as always, I am confused about a woman... but I don't even know if he lives here.. we are in amsterdam and both of us are new to the city, so maybe he is in another country.. I don't know. but I know that I really like her, and that never happens to me.

so I guess what I want to know is, when a guy and a girl don't know each other, and he asks her to have coffee - she knows it is supposed to be a date right? and she wouldn't give him her number and invite him to a party without ever considering that he likes her would she? it's impossible isn't it?

[sunnymad885]

Actually I don't know the answer, but I have a quite similar experience, I was interested in a chinese girl for 7 months, but cudnt ask her out because she works in a restaurent and it's always busy. But she clearly show me that she is interested in me, she even asked personal things about me! But once I saw her with a guy in the same res: (she is not working at that day) in a corner table with another asian guy. Finally I gave up it but she seems still interested me. So I just said her that I saw her with a guy and she responded that it's her singapporean boyfriend. Actually I still wonder what happened and I'm in such a shock! Did she wait for me for few months and dated that guy or she just want to get some help from me (coz she said she wanted to give up her other job). Actually women are such a misterious creatures for me! How many ugly guys have been dating beautiful girls, I mean why I'm a total failure at this, still wondering! Actually I'm good looking and doing a decent job. Even she knows I'm 1000 times golden than that asian guy! I'm 24 and never been in a relationship, actually I don't have female friends. Another girl in the same restaurent became just a little bit nicer than that. Guess wat? she added me in her FB and I asked for a date and she agreed! But the day before the date she cancelled it for no reason! She even has a boyfriend but he is in USA, this taiwanese gal knows that her boyfriend is not into her anymore (most probably) but I got to knw that she has a boyfriend after I added her on FB! So It's not a sin! Any ideas? But If no one wants me I don't want anyone, because as man I don't give any crap out to any bi**h!

[Cigam]

I knew a lot of girls when I was in college, that gave me their numbers and I spent time with. Some even invited me to coffee, but it was just to visit, not a date. I can even have lunch with my ex not as a date, since she has a boyfriend.

She might be considering it a date, she might not. As for facebook, I know people who have not updated their relationship status in a long time and have been in and out of relationships. So it might represent an old relationship or new ones, it just depends.

Either way I would say just go with it, and if it turns out to be a date, and goes from their then great. Just expect the worst but hope for the best. The worst being she already has a boyfriend, the best being she wants to be your girlfriend.

[enlightenment]

not at all...you are college friends and friends get coffee...it is possible she likes you like that but not probable. Ask her out to dinner or something more romatic if you want to know for sure.

[stupidguy]

But today was the first time I have ever spoke to her, when I waited in the hall after class - so we are not friends, I have never even told her my name..

i thought I was already being pretty explicit... any way c'est la vie

[Anonymous]

i think she thinks you were just being friendly and she was reaching out as a friend

unless you make it really obvious it's a date, she probably think it's a casual thing

[stupidguy]

So girls are used to being invited to coffee by guys they have never spoken too?

maybe they are.. and I should be more explicit next time - but I didn't want the first thing I ever said to her to be "do you want to have dinner with me?"

live and learn..

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah actually a lot of times. I mean, I've been asked to study with guys over coffee, the guys working in the lab ask me out. Coffee really isn't a big deal. Dinner on the other hand....

[stupidguy]

So there is a difference between asking a girl to whom you have never spoken, to have coffee or to dinner?...

[Opinion Owner]

Dinner is more formal, it goes without saying that that is a date. While coffee is really casual and can be taken as a getting to know you gesture. It doesn't automatically equal date unless you specifically say that it is

[Anonymous]

It's hard to know for sure if she considers coffee a date or simply a way to make a new friend (as you said she's new to the city). Don't read TOO much into it at this point and just go with the flow. See how the coffee date and party go and gauge her reaction and interest. If you feel like there is a connection and she likes her ask her out on a date (yes, make sure you use the word "date"). Don't worry about the facebook thing right now. It could be old or some girls even do that so random creeps don't hit on them on facebook. If she agrees to a date then you can ask her about it in passing.