So I am an American woman dating a Turkish man for 3 months now. He brought up the subject of engagement (not asking mind you just discussing it) and I already made it clear I was no where ready, to which he agreed with himself. This isn't my issue here because it was simply conversation. But it did get me thinking, I have a couple of concerns. Such as the fact that he does sometimes go to mosque (he is Muslim but not super religious) and I'm not a religious person at all (which hasn't been a problem so far). I am spiritual but I don't go under any religious organization. The second is that I refuse to go into a mosque, only if he is going to pray, because a woman would not be allowed into the same area (not like I'm going to change my religion but I have no problem going into religious places and acting respectful or learning the customs). I have always been a feminist so this bothers me, especially since I don't see why a married woman should be prevented from praying with her husband. Second, is that all his friends mostly speak Turkish and whenever I'm the only English speaker his friends don't make much effort to converse with me. Some do and all of them make sure to say 'Hi. How are you?' but it's really frustrating not knowing what the hell is being spoken about. I've already spoken to him about this and he forces the conversation in English so I can participate in it more (which I'm very grateful for).
I'm not thinking about marriage or anything but we do both care about each other a lot. He is the kindest person I have ever met, he always compliments me, he is willing to bend over backwards to help me, he always makes me smile, and he even notices something small (like if I'm wearing a dress he's never seen before). But the thing is, is that this situation is different for me so I don't know how to handle some things. I tried looking for American and foreign couple forums or help groups but found nothing but a bunch of male bloggers talking about how American woman suck. I really would like to talk to someone in a similar situation.
Most Helpful Guy
"I don't see why a married woman should be prevented from praying with her husband."
If you want to understand why, it is better to find out the reasons from educated people in that culture, and you will get your answer. Don't bother asking just anyone the streets, they probably just follow the customs. The depth of the answer may surprise you in some cases. Again, it depends on your "teacher", which again, depend on your "level of evolvement". Good students always end up with good teachers in the long run.
"ll his friends mostly speak Turkish and whenever I'm the only English speaker his friends don't make much effort to converse with me. Some do and all of them make sure to say 'Hi. How are you?'"
Look at it this way. They may be thinking "Why doesn't she make an effort to learn a bit Turkish and converse to us, it is OUR land that she is on!" You see, people notice attitudes. If you take a crash course, and utter like a 2 years old, you will be speaking fluent any language in 2-3 years (age "5"). This way, you show that you are not the typical arrogant westerner who think "all of them SHOULD speak 'international' language, which is English).
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