Can I get an opinion? Maybe some advice?

So, I'm a Senior in high school. I know, I'm young, and I've still got my life ahead of me for dating and such, but let's face it, dating starts toward the end of elementary school for a lot of kids, and it still hasn't started for me yet. I'm not sure what exactly my problem is either.

I sort of grew up anti-social and shy, but it's not so much the same this last year of high school and last year. Quite a few people around school have respect for me, and lots of people love to hang out with me, almost to the point where I'm getting cocky and conceited. A lot of people would almost consider me a badass. A few people, even if jokingly, quite often will tell me: "Dude, Conway, you could just walk up to a chick, and say 'Bitch, why ain't you datin' this' and pick up chicks that way". That's not exactly true. I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, however, I haven't used that technique, I don't think it would work though.

Now, I'm not a jerk, I'm more of a spirited person that gets a lot of attention from other people. Lots of people know who I am, yet I'm not a "popular" kid at my school. I hang out with all the techies and geeks and such. So, I'm somewhat of an eclectic person. One thing that I have found happen multiple times now, and some of my closest friends have too, that I can approach a girl, and talk to her, and really start off really well. But almost instantly I'll move into the "Just Friends" state. Either that, or we'll be talking a bit, like, 3-4 times a week or so, and then after about 3 weeks, she just all of a sudden, flat out gives me the cold shoulder. I didn't say anything negative or derogative or anything. It's like she feels like she just doesn't want to waste her time anymore.

So, with girls, all I get is just another friend to add to my collection of an almost school, or a girl who just won't talk to me, even when I try to figure out what's wrong. And it hasn't just been with one girl. Many girls have. 1 girl actually came to her senses and sent me a text saying in more words, "I realized I sort of have ignored you lately, but I felt that you've been trying to be more than friends, and that's just not what I wanted, so I got scared".

Anyway, I'm quite confused, I don't know what I'm doing wrong, or even just not doing, to advance to a more than friends stage. =/ Any advice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The girl who did tell you what was going on - "you've been trying to be more than friends..." is probably your best clue.

    If I were you, I'd stop being friends with the new girls you meet. You've got enough friends. Get an attitude and don't show your soft, sweet side until they show their interest. You're stuck in the friend zone because you present yourself as a friend. Try being more aloof, flirt right away "you look sexy in that shirt" as opposed to "I like that shirt, you look nice". Know what I mean?

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What Girls Said 3

  • Don't worry so much about how old you are and how soon other kids have been dating; everyone has their own time. And about your "problem," you're probably not doing anything wrong, you just haven't found the right girl yet. Don't try too hard because you'll seem desperate. Just be friendly, flirty, not too clingy, and you'll find someone in your own time.

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  • If you like someone, then make a move, but if not, don't worry it's not a big deal. A lot of people are in relationships where they don't even like the person. You're not missing much if you don't like anyone now. Don't go out just to go out. Just enjoy the ride.

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  • Hey I'm a senior to and I haven't been an expert at this whole dating either. It's not really that were doing anything wrong, it's just we haven't found the right person for us yet. I think the best thing is to just enjoy senior year with your friends, and when you least expect it something will happen. Just have fun, be friends with the girls at first - it can also be a good thing because it can lead to more.

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What Guys Said 1

  • All of the girls had some good advice. Especially Marisa. Its good to be respectful of girls. Its bad when you respect them so much you are afraid to make your move. I fell into the same problem in high school. Luckily I had a friend that was a girl that straightened my act out. She gave me hints on what to say and do. Girls are really not that different than guys when it comes to what we want from the opposite sex. Its seems so on the outside, but unrevealed, its quite similar. Nice guys do always finish last. Don't go be an asshole either. Girls say they want a nice guy, blah blah blah. They want a confident guy. Just act like someone already told you she wants you to be her boyfriend. Pretend its already a done deal. If she says no, great! You just learned something. Every guy should get turned down like 100 times. It the only way to learn. Just don't act all mopey and let down. Act like its no big deal, like you have better things to do, more girls to give that chance to. Get it?

    You sound like someone that will come into his own after high school or in college. High school is too complex an animal to try and understand sometimes. If nothing else you will be fine in a few years.

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