Intelligent women?

So, what's the deal with men and intelligent women? Do they like smart women as long as they aren't smarter than he is? I'm trying to figure out how it works in a guy's mind. When a guy hears my major and career plan, he either looks disappointed, surprised, or congratulates me. I'm currently trying to be fluent in french, spanish, and would like to learn Arabic, possibly even Russian to be a medical translator. if I'm lucky, maybe even work for the government. I understand that'll be a lot of work and will take awhile but I'm still trying to understand the logic of why someone looks disappointed or surprised? is it intimidation? if so, why? thanks:)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's interesting what some of the guys have said. I didn't realize that some guys were intimidated by an intelligent girl. The truth of the matter is that I would not mind if a woman was more intelligent than I was at all, with a few caveats of course. As long as she's not treating me as if I was stupid, I'd be completely fine with it. In fact, if I'm wrong about something, I want someone to correct me. (I don't mean with things where there are no right or wrong answers like politics, I mean like if I tried to say something in French and I said it all wrong, I'd want my girlfriend to correct me if she knew how). If I was planning on undertaking something, and my girlfriend saw a better, more clever way to take it on, hey, that would be great. She can help me learn and improve myself. What could be better? School is also not a measuring stick when it comes to intelligence either. There are some people I know who never went to college but are quite smart. On the other hand there are people I know who went through grad school who are rather dull. Now to answer your last question, I do believe that guys may become surprised or disappointed due to intimidation. Though it might have to do more with them feeling like they'd be an accessory to you... that they don't have something meaningful to contribute or like they wouldn't really matter in the relationship. If you don't make a guy feel like he has much to contribute, or make him feel needed or wanted in a relationship, then it's not going to work out. Vice versa is also true when it comes to a guy making a girl feel like she's needed and wanted.

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    • only answer I agreed with ;) friend me if we have not already.. tho you may not look at this, since its 5 months old;)

What Guys Said 25

  • Being able to fluently speak other languages doesn't mean you are smarter than other guys. It means you are expanding your knowledge in the desired field you wish to further your education. I would not at all be intimidated by you. It is your field of study. I would hope you would be smarter than me in your field of study. Mine is Forensic science. I would hope that I would be smarter at forensic Science than you are. It doesn't mean your smarter, it just means that our expertise and knowledge is in different areas. A lot of people don't understand that either.

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    • @it just means that our expertise and knowledge is in different areas. A lot of people don't understand that either.

      Actually, I think its rather obvious point. ;) I am surprised no one else has mentioned this. ;)

  • Nobody wants a condescending partner who would flaunt their education like some trump card everyone is supposed to be in awe over. This has nothing to do with being male or female. If you never met a self-righteous patronizer in your life, YOU are the self-righteous patronizer. Once you begin a friendship or partnership with such a person, it's all downhill from the very start. This is more of a character issue than it is an intelligence issue. The way your message is conveyed may come off as arrogant and presumptuous.

    What I just said may appear out of context, only because education is rarely ever frowned upon. I prefer to have a woman who can find her own way in the world. if she is smarter than me, so be it. The only reason you might have experienced otherwise is because of the aforementioned.

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  • I prefer smart girls/women.

    1) you can have a conversation about something other than pop-culture and " ...and then he goes...so then she goes..."

    2) they're usually confident enough to have a definite opinion. About someting meaningful.

    3) they're almost always more daring and creative in bed.

    4) it's so much fun finding the things that make them behave like:

    a little girl, a tomboy, a deb, a prude, a slut, etc.

    The only combo you have to watch out for is "super-brainy + super screwed - up and crazy".

    You reeeaally don't want to date that chick... the female Lex Luthor.

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    • yess! for some reason when someone thinks of a smart person (although there are different kinds of smarts) they think of super brainy, going to harvard, has no social skills whatsoever, and hates sex. it's like you either have brains or a social life. some think it's one or the other, and it really doesn't work that way. I know of a lot of people that go to really respected schools and they party their ass off while getting straight A's. the whole, "and I was like...and she was like..." is SO

    • FRUSTRATING! it's very valley girl and nothing pisses me off more than a valley girl attitude.

    • ROFL - I love the Superman reference. Point 4 is particularly amusing - I have random things that will show different sides of me and it just made me think of what my answer would be to each. :) Never thought of it that way, and that is saying something because I think wayy too much.

  • I believe I've earned my right to brag about it because accomplishments but I'm studying neurobiology at a top 20 school in the nation and I'm on the way to getting my M.D. so I'm a bit more intelligent than the majority of people.

    From experience when I try to bring up an "educated topic" with the average girl the results are far from pleasing, it either turns into a completely awkward situation or it feels like I'm almost trying to hard.

    While I don't prefer to always have "educated talks" with topics pertaining to Philosophy, Politics, Medicine, Ethics etc. all the time in general because I would just be completely bored with myself and probably have no friends except for 60 year old men who kick it at coffee shops all day. Saying that its a HUGE turn on when I know in the back of my mind that If I talked about something like a current event in biology or politics that she could actually keep up with me not to mention its extremely rare.

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  • First I want to thank you for being smarter. I would enjoy being in your company.

    Don't we all like to be impressive and needed, this is how we males grew up, intimidated maybe definitely without a game plan.

    For most men you are probably the first contact nightmare type, unless you meet a guy that already embrace the superior women type, a men comfortable at lease with the idea.

    Again, "but I want a relationship with someone to be my equal" , sorry in relationship balanced works, equal is a misconception and excuse for those that can't accept their place in a relationship.

    This is my point of view.

    Now my question, since the odds are that you have more chances meeting inferior males, would you take the lead in your relationship, (female lead relationship) have you at lease consider the question?

    Do you believe in balance or equal?

    Please send me your feedback, I am curious.

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  • i like intelligent women. but women usually want to be inferior to their partner, so it makes me think I have a worse chance of getting with a woman smarter than me. also, I have not even completed my bachelor's yet, so I would be worried a woman that educated would look down on me. I also wouldn't date someone who worked for the government, but that's just me.

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  • Intelligence is just one part of what makes up someone's personality. Sometimes the disappointment could be not in that you are intelligent, but that your goals and his goals aren't in any way compatible at all. The fact that you are more so career oriented could be something that wouldn't work for him and he wants more of a traditional family as an example. As for surprise or congratulations, it seems fitting seeing that it sure seems like you are working pretty hard and really seem to be in order.

    In short, look for a guy who loves you for you, brains and all, they exist :P

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  • Yes, it's intimidating because intelligent, educated women, tend to prefer the same in a guy just so they can hold a conversation. That's being my experience and that of other friends of mine. And so guys feel that they're out of your league. Also, he feels none of his pick up lines are going to work with you, that he's going to have trouble getting you into bed, will have to work too hard at it, and that probably you think too much with your head and not your vagina, thus you're not as sexual as other girls. In other words, men think that the higher a woman's intelligence, the less her sexuality. Not always the case, but that's a general male perception.

    Also, a man feels his "macho" value is unreachable to you when you can take care of yourself the way you do with your intelligence and education, like he has nothing of value to offer that can make you feel rescued, so to speak. It's a kind of animal instinct. He needs to feel needed, to a point.

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  • i guess because being smart is not valued as much in society as other qualities, it suck but I would very much like to have a smart girlfriend, not some dumb bimbo that only watches jersey shore or any thing on E(except the soup) and her highlight of the week is to go out party get wasted work hard all week just to repeat the same thing.

    as a matter a fact I would brag about my girlfriend being smart

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    • personally, I think it's a crime that people like snookie are famous. she got famous for being a slut on national television? honestly, that's really ALL she's done. these guys are 30 and they're after 18 year old girls. COME ON ALREADY, can't they just admit they're in their 30s and move on already? it's just pathetic that this is one of the top rated shows in society. what the hell is the world coming to?

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    • i know its horrible how people think that the y need it to feel better or that it will fix some sort of problem they have, I believe that a heavy dose of introspection is needed in today's society, and to get rid of all this crap that you need things to be valued, be someone, or be that matter accepted

      sadly there are more idiots in the world than smart people

      i hope one day there will be a place where smarts are properly appreciated, valued and honored

    • agreed:)

  • well, the 1st thing that comes up to my mind, is a "STRONG FEMINIST" with a dream of independence and make lot's of money with doggy dog househusband...you come home as a business women and throw your keys away and than you forgot to lock your car and tell your husband, "GO FETCH MY KEY BOY"!...(*_*)

    "THE MISTRESS & THE SLAVE"...

    actually I adore the intelligent housewife & the Strong supportive loving husband!...

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  • Us men are competitive when it comes to anything, and I mean anything, but yeah there are some who are not, but in general males are built that way, here is my hypothesis on us guys, if you have a better education then some guy, he might think you will make him look and feel like a dumbest because you know more then he does, So with that going on in a guys mind, the thought of being with a female like that will never cross his mind. But like I said before, there are guys out there who don't get intimidated by a females education.

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  • Intelligent women? no such thing exists! (joking)

    Meeting an intelligent woman is great, I just think intelligence in sexy.

    I find that intelligent women are a lot easier to carry on a conversation with, and well in the end that's almost all that maters.

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  • I like smart women as long as they aren't smarter than I am. It would be great if a woman was smart at things I wasn't smart about and that she wasn't smart at the things I know that way we can learn from each other and have something to talk about.

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  • the truth is that it's nice to be intelligence...but I don't know why I tend not to like it if the girl is intelligent, I know it is a bad thing in me and I'll try to work on it...i know that I should accept it if the girl is more intelligent than me

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  • i like smart women but if she is so career driven that she doesn't want kids or to stay home and take care of them then its a deal breaker. smart of not she is still a women.

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  • i think its really attractive when a girl is driven and goal oriented

    mabye you just hang out with guys that don't appreciate what your doing

    i guess its because your career path is very uniquie and most guys don't appreciate it but I def would

    uniqueness is something a lot of girls lack,

    i was seeing a girl who wasn't driven or goal oriented a couple weeks ago and she was very shallow

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  • If you are better (better; in means of combination of work, looks, education, social status etc.) than him, he cannot pick you up.

    Let's say, he is High School graduate, you are University graduate, then he will not be able to pick you up unless he earns more that you.

    In other words, if you have more points than him he will be disappointed because he will know that he will not be able to pick you up (being gf/bf, marriage, serious relationship, f*ckbuddy, whatever)

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  • Must be insecurities, a small phallus, or a combination thereof.

    Doesn't matter to me if you wanna speak Martian or study the daily calcification on the pre-mature leaves of plants.. I think you are hot and can speak Russian to me any day baby. Na zdrovie!

    Then if you are a good girl I will get a PhD in the study of Uranus.

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  • ill tell you what your REAL problem is. Its nothing to do with being smart at all, its your game. When your talking to him and talking about your major or career etc, your being very boring of a person to be around. Who the f*** cares honestly? People just want to have fun and do exciting sh*t, so the guy isn't gonna be interested in hanging out with you in the future. Talk about what kind of sex positions you like if you want to get his interest

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    • haha I love how you start it out with "i'll to you what your problem is" as if I'M the one with the problem, then proceed to point out my problem is I'm not easyXD CLASSIC! I'll talk about school and majors is if somebody else brings up. who WANTS to talk about school and of that serious stuff? unless the guy asks or it's getting serious and I see it going somewhere then I'll ask but in no way shape or form will I talk to him about sex positions to get his attention

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    • Dude, do you really believe the $hit you write or are you just trying to stir people up with your FU(KED point of view?

      Do they have prozac in SF?

    • Well "stinkyjohnson" xD, I guess you like to talk about the weather, your job, the stock market and every other subject that is boring on a date. Since you defend this girls point of view, why don't you share how successful you are talking about such lame sh*t? wahahaha

  • If your too career driven then you probably won't have time for a relationship or you might be too occupied with your job that you probably can't raise a family.

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  • I'm scared of intelligent women, ahh.

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  • Smarter is fine but way smarter is a turn off. I'm not sure why.

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  • Please believe I DON'T mean this as an insult but arguing with the biggest Douche nozzle (asailum) on this site does NOT make you seem very intelligent. Again, I am not trying to be derogatory, but if you look around this site and see the some of the other $hite he's posted I think one phrase will come to mind; Mental Illness.

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  • Smart girls taste better!

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  • I would love an intelligent girl like you, I need someone intelligent, and actually, I want to do something similar, learn many languages and get a job translating somewhere. But, not every guy likes his girl to be glaringly more intelligent than him, it is intimidating, and he may feel subconsciously that he cannot be dominant or 'the man' in the relationship if you're smarter than him.

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What Girls Said 5

  • No. Being a medical translator isn't anything that takes a ridiculous amount of intelligence and it shouldn't be intimidating to guys unless they aren't in school at all and the highest paying job they can get is being a team leader at McDonalds.

    Usually, the intimidating factor comes in when you're talking about going towards Medicine or Engineering. For example, I'm Pre-Law and I've figured out that guys hate that which is why I'll just tell them I'm majoring in Poli Sci etc and it's only if they enquire that I'll actually tell them I've taken the LSAT. It's a sad state of affairs but that's how it works.

    My theory is that it's the fact that your major deals with languages and things like that are confusing to those who have no experience in that field. I'm fluent in five languages and I've traveled extensively (mostly because my father's profession requires us to be global nomads) so if I ever try talking about a language or an exotic country that isn't known for alcoholic ragers and sex parties, I draw blank stares. So I usually stick to conversing about Mexico or Europe or places that most people are familiar with or have been to. Unless someone mentions that they speak German or used to live in Bali, I'll leave it alone.

    A girlfriend who is majoring in molecular biology says she'll usually reveal her major and immediately segue into another topic or ask him about his. If you have an obscure major, you're better off leaving it til later on.

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  • Well maybe it's the way you're telling them that's turning them off. It's wonderful to be proud of your achievements in life (and future ones too!), but if you say it all at once, in a harsh manner, you could just about scare anyone away with your intensity. My advice would be to blend your goals and achievements into conversation in a natural way, not revealing it all at once. Maybe if he takes you to a French restaurant then mention how you are learning French while reading the menu.

    Like with so many things in life, it is imperative that you have a sense of humour. Being too serious in the first months of dating is deadly, and boring for many men. Allow him to learn all about you the same way you savour fine wine, little at a time. Good luck!

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    • i don't do it in a harsh manner and I don't even pass it out there unless someone asks...i did it here trying to explain myself and help get an understanding but unless someone says, "so where are you doing to school?whats your major? what do you hope to do?" I personally think it'd be much more fun to know that many languages and not tell people you know them. that's just me though. I take EVERYTHING lightly. honestly. I rarely take something seriously unless it's necessary. that's why I ditched

    • (for lack of a better word) the last guy. it was 20 questions on our date. he just couldn't have fun and let things go.

  • they are intimidated...because besides of being pretty, you are also intelligent and will probably achieve your goals in life...I guess it has to do with their own insecurity, so it's not your issue.

    And anyways, I imagine that if the guy is overreacting about it, then you wouldn't like to spend your time with him anyways...right?!

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    • Maybe they just don't wanna hear about it...lack of interest? The other thing here is that you care what they think about it. A big turn off. If you just say what you do and leave it at that, and do not seek their approval and talk about something else, I think you'll notice the difference. they prob back off when they sense your need to hear their approval, so you come off as needy. And possibly childish. :)

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    • @irishgal: what are you talking about?! Did you answer the question through my reply? Because come on...you just assume I care about what they think, and said so many things that there's nothing to do with my answer... I mean, your assumptions are based on what?! This is just strange lol

    • @irishgal: I love how you called MEEE childish but a conclusion you came to was, "maybe they need to fart." if I cared what everybody thought, I'd have changed my major, personally, I couldn't give a flying f*** what people think it was a simple question. you called me childish and insecure based off of a simple question? you might as well do that to every other question on this site because it's girls ask guys. I had a question about the guys so I asked. so childish of me I do apologize.

  • OMG... You and I are so similar , and I was going to ask that questions too. I go to university and I am studying French and Arabic to become a representative for the UN.

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  • hm.. you are in the 18 - 24 age range.. I'm 25 for work, I need to speak multiple languages (3 fluently and 2 moderately) When I tell people I'm trying to learn more languages. They give me a WOW.. really? (I don't believe you) The thing is, people I've talked to are 30+ and they've probably been there but backed out or failed. Chances are, they (men/ women) don't believe you can do it. LETS PROVE IT TO THEM GIRL!

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