What is being spiteful and why is it bad?
What is being resentful and why is it bad?
Does being resentful lead to being spiteful?
Do these two things happen due to a lack of communication?
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The definitions below are good, but in the context of this website, I'm assuming you are curious about how it plays in dating. Being spitefull generally is an attitude of malice or bad feelings toward someone or something. And being resentful is more an association of bad thoughts with someone or something. The difference being a general attitude towards something vs. a specific set of thoughts towards something.
A for instance would be "Because Jessica would rather hang out with Mark instead, Johnny resents her for it" as in has a negative feeling of jealousy or frustration towards Jessica due to her actions. This can be anything really, and usually stems from frustration over an insecurity or a lack of control over a situation.
An example of spiteful thinking would be "Johnny dislikes jessica because she is one of those popular girls that treat him like he doesn't exist". This is more about a generalization based on irrational or stereotypical assumptions. Even if some of those stereotypes are shown to be true, the assumption of any person being a certain way resulting in negative directed attitude towards that person can be defined as resentment.
Now, why are these things bad?
Well, generally you get back what you put out. What I mean by that is that if you walk around being rude or angry or disrespectful towards people or even a specific person you will give off that impression of negativity. This usually results in the people around you finding that distasteful or irritating and thus tend to direct those same types of feelings and attitudes towards you. You in a sense end up becoming the thing you are trying to spite.
In addition, when you act on these feelings and do potentially hurtful things to people you will always regret them in the end. Perhaps not for years, but there are examples all around us of people feeling regret for negative actions in the media. In each case those people admitted to feeling little or no remorse at the time they did the actions, but later wishing more than anything to rewind time to undo what they've done.
Obviously the more negative or hurtful the reaction the greater the associated guilt/regret. In the end, we don't own other people, nor do we OWE them anything, and obviously they owe us nothing as well. So when you find yourself faced with a frustrating situation involving otheres that could potentially develop into spite or resentment, simply think about whether you are putting expectations or assumptions on someone and then setting yourself up for dissapointment. If so remeber that we are all free to do as we please, and even tho it can hurt us, sometimes others act in ways we don't like. That's just life. Many times the decisions others make don't have as much to do with us as we assume, and things often seem more sinister than they really are. Those are our own insecurities filling in the gaps where there is no evidence to show otherwise. Don't fall into that, it's a downward spiral.1