What do you consider to be "officially dating"?

[Bumja]

My name is Brian, and I am a 16 year old junior in high school.

I am currently dating an 18 year old freshman girl in college, and I am seeking some dating advise.

By the way if you just don't wanna read all this then just answer the question given in the subject title. But it's a good read and will help you understand my point of view on things. I promise I will applaud whoever had read the entire thing.

Okay, so here's my story.

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I've been dating this girl for about a week now.

Our first kiss was last Sunday, and we've kissed every time we've seen each other ever since, but we haven't really made out yet or gone past first base.

I've known her and liked her ever since she was still in high school as a senior, and she kinda liked me a little too. But when she was in high school, she was also dating a senior.

Then that senior moved away for college and she stayed home, and then we hung out even more and eventually went out.

Now the ex boyfriend is coming back for thanksgiving, and wants to hang out with my girlfriend, since both of them are still good friends, and doesn't know that she and I are dating.

This complicates things since the ex boyfriend has known me since his senior year in high school and would most likely hate me and the fact that I was dating his ex girlfriend, and he would probably hate her too while he was at it.

She's had no desire to hook up with the ex again, and she's felt that she's had to tell him that we're "dating" ever since we started.

But then just yesterday, she said that she didn't need to worry about it since there really wasn't anything "official" to tell him.

Wait a sec, anything official?

You mean us kissing doesn't mean that we're officially dating?

Then she replied by saying "Oh I don't think we're official or anything yet, we're just two people who like each other hanging out. Right?"

Well she does have a point there, but then what exactly does she consider "officially dating" in the first place?

I know there's this whole "facebook official" thing, but she doesn't want that since the ex would then find out and freak out. I've called her my girlfriend and she's called me my boyfriend.

My first hypothesis was that once we sort of start making out and feeling each other up, and then possibly sex, then we'd "officially" be going out.

But isn't that just a little shallow?

Or am I just too young to really understand?

This just really upsets me because after all this time from last year and up until now, I still feel like we're back at square one, and that we're not really dating at all.

Is there an exponential difference between high school dating and college dating that I must be informed about?

Cause I'm not gonna lie, this is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my entire life.

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As promised, I applaud anyone who actually read that entire thing instead of straight up skipping to the end and answering the question that was given in the subject title. Now you know the story, so what should I do?

[Bella_Iris]

Well, when I was reading the first part about how she didn't think you all were official... that is sort of a red flag-- or at least in my opinion, I feel like it is. The only thing that I'd want to ask you is if you both kid around?-- if so maybe she is just trying to fit in? The second part that I was kind of like "yikes" too is the ex boyfriend.

Honestly, if she really likes you, she is gonna introduce you to him the right way-- no matter if he hates your or not. That would be something "official". But maybe it's just a little too early to tell? Another angle that could be seen is... she is trying to keep both of you separate for a reason-- maybe its to cover her? I know that it was kind of like that in my relationship-- my boyfriend didn't ever ever ever want to introduce me to his ex's even when we were just friends. Is the ex older than you? I'd also find out if they are really "just friends" because if she thinks you guys just kissing is "hanging out" then oh my... yikes. I think you may want her more than she wants you. Bottom line-- I would STAY OUT of that part. Only get involved if she legit wants to introduce you to him.

Also, ask her exactly what you said in your post-- the part about "You mean us kissing doesn't make us official?" -- but change it to "What would make it official?"

I guess another way you could look at this is that she is at college-- maybe she is experimenting with other dudes?

Bottom line: it sounds like you are trying your best to pursue her, you have to watch her too see if she'll do the same for you. If you know deep down in your heart that she isn't-- honestly.. I know it'll hurt but move on. Your hurt will only increase if you try to hold on. (I give you this advice from experience).

I wish you all the best :)

[college_girl]

okay so I read the whole thing and I definitely have an answer for you. You said you guys have been "dating for a week." I'm assuming this means you've been on dates during the past week. Just because you guys have kissed and been on a few dates does not mean you guys are exclusive (this is what I would call "official dating) or are boyfriend and girlfriend yet. You haven't asked her out and even though you really like her she can still go out with other guys unless you guys have clearly established that you guys are only seeing each other and no one else (which it doesn't sound like it does).

oh and when she said there wasn't anything official to tell her ex she means that you guys are not girlfriend and boyfriend which is what "official" means. oh and to answer one of your questions, kissing does not mean you're officially dating. sorry. I guess you guys are "dating" but you are not official (aka exclusive). You guys have to have a talk to establish those kinds of boundaries. I don't see what the rush is though. you should take your time

oh and just be aware that high school and college relationships often don't work out. they're two different worlds unless she lives at home with her parents still

[casualgirl44]

I am a 21 year old college girl and I've been in all kinds of relationships. If you see my icon. Im a tomgirl who considers herself one of the guys. I've had one night stands, a mature officially on fb relationship with a guy my own age and an open relationship with a guy who didn't know if I was wife material and a friends with benefits relationship with my ex. Kissing means your physically interested. talking about feelings can mean emotionally interested. And meeting family and friends can mean exclusively interested or "officially" but usually its physically AND emotionally interested to then be exclusively interested. It sounds like a physical relationship with potential for emotional. But a week with a couple kisses is not much to a college girl unless she's insecure about herself and needs a self esteem boost. In my honest opinion. Also in college- there's more competition than high school for something real and official. Good luck!

[Daniel8888]

dude, that was a looong Story but interesting read! As far as I'm concerned about the "officially girlfriend" Term, it doesn't include having SEX with some1 to be his/her girlfriend or bf! College or High school its the same thing when it comes to Dating, just OLDER ^^

U mentioned "kiss" before, so lemme ask u: was it normal kissing on cheek or like mature people seriously with TONGUE intensiv? By intensiv I mean half of the dating timezone like you can't resist each other?

I have a strong feeling that this girl was just using You as a replacement to her ex boyfriend the time he was away. really, I mean think of that phrase

"But then just yesterday, she said that she didn't need to worry about it since there really wasn't anything "official" to tell him"

its like giving you a hint that you should just dump her!

okay seriously, if I were you STOP TELLING HER howmuch you miss her and those romantical stuff, because she will sure take you for granted and that's very very bad for business.

Giv her some time and stop calling/texting her being a amateur stalker. IF she likes you or still have feelings she´ll automatically get back.

Best luck!

[hwydrod21]

You sound like a great kid, but I think you're mistaken about the definition of a relationship vs dating. You can be dating (or talking to someone) and its not exclusive, she can see and you can see other people during this time. You have to specifically ask her (usually during a date) if she wants to be your girlfriend. "Officially" (then you can make a joke about it).

This also sounds like a very quick development. I would go on more dates with her. Slow it down man. You want to have fun with that person. No rush.

Also be aware that high school and college lives can be vastly different. They rarely work. Be confident, accept the possibilities, and do your own thing. You do not need this girl to continue having fun in your life.. trust me. I cried over too many females that I laugh about now.

[Terrifical]

Wait so she is afraid her ex will freak out? He's her ex! She can date whoever she wants. She obviously needs to reconsider her relationships. If she calls you boyfriend and kisses you pretty often, to me that means it's official. It seems like she values her ex's friendship more than the relationship you two have. It's not cool that she won't put it out there that you're dating. There should be no shame. You need to consider if she's treating you the right way. :-/ Good luck!

[Baby_Bell]

Okay I read the whole article.. I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way so please don’t take it like that. I think you should break up with her. You’re in high school, She’s in college, her ex is in college. I think she’s interested in her ex. High school and college relationships never work! And since she said what she said, She obviously doesn’t want a relationship with you. Also, just because you kiss and go out a few times, it doesn’t make you exclusive. In my opinion, being exclusive means you’re not talking to any other girls or guys, You’re dating accounts are deleted (as well as the app (s)) And you don’t have to have sex to be exclusive. I would just stick with high school girls, I know college girls can be fun but I would just wait till you graduate high school. Sorry. Good Luck.

[Baby_Bell]

Who the fuck are you?

[Baby_Bell]

😂😂😂 you a stupid mf

[Baby_Bell]

Fuck off pedo

[BoredomKills]

Lmao the perosn removed their comment.

[Robertjo16]

Dude literally just ask her about it. You and I are the same age and as a female I know what I'd want in that situation. For him to talk to me. So go ask her instead of us. And dont complicate it just say something like "are we official cuz I sure wanna be"

[Anon-ymous1]

Basically man, all a relationship is ("Exclusive" or whatever nonsense) is a label anyway. Right? And a label is verbal confirmation of a thing. So without an actual in-person conversation between the two of you like "Hey... what are we? Are we boyfriend/girlfriend and exclusive/monogamous? Or not?" And both of you saying "yes we are," then no, you are not "officially dating." So if you want to have that conversation and find out, then do it.

That's about it. Good luck.

[Kotton]

Nobody can tell whether it is good or wrong as it is the matter of choice. If you are okay with it so visit it
Besides interesting people I found here many fascinating information about this whole thing. I think you won't be disappointed with it.

[Whatever2929292]

I don't know but if you're having sex with her then she is likely statutorily raping you and you need to speak to a adult.

If there is no sex... Then when you're dating you're dating

[ckeeley]

It sounds like she isn't over her ex and she is using you to make him jealous or something.
"Official" is a mutual agreement of "hey, we're in this to win this".
I dont think your age gap is a diffuculty, but i do think she is an oddball and in way over her head.
Hope this helps!!

[Skylar071]

Well dating is when one person asks the other to be their boyfriend/girlfriend. You can’t just kiss someone a few times and expect to be dating that is what I’d call friends with benefits which where I’m from is called tuning. Your not quite dating, like each other as more than friends and may kiss or hook up but you need to take the plunge and talk about becoming official, ask her if she’d date you but say to her it’s not pressure if she doesn’t want to or isn’t ready

[bec_g]

Well when one Is in college all they want to do is go out and have fun. They also have in mind that " I'm young and have my life ahead of me". While in high dating is cute because they are always together during the brakes and even sometimes after school. I believe that you should have a talk with the girl. Explain how you feel. Tell her your thoughts and opinions. And also give her the time to think things through. Both are still very young. Think thing through before regretting thing later.

[Anon-ymous1]

*breaks

[neidabakedd]

I would only consider it official if you actually asked me to be your girly

[thefutureisfemale]

Whenever both of you think you're dating.
xx
~ Mrs Manson

[ggtheblu]

If ur not in texas don’t fuck bro (Romeo and Juliet law, I like Texas) but if u don’t say u can mess around then any flirting with intent to hook up or hooking up is. by the way if ur 16 why does it say ur 25 ?😂

[mya1233]

I think that maybe she is scared that if she says your official that she has to be committed to you and only you. She is in college and your in high school. So it's kinda hard to do that.

[hndsmlytattd1]

Meeting parent (s). Or dinner at her families residence. Or simply time.. hell once you start to lose that magical feeling you experienced during the honeymoon phase.

[stepperz]

For me personally..

This comes after a couple of dates where both parties are actively seeking to meet one another

[Marianaqueen023]

I think u should just brake up with her... and srry but it seems like ur having a tough relationship with her

[oceaniscool123]

I think you should just ask her straight up if you guys are official.