What does she want from me?

[Anonymous]

OK so I met a gorgeous girl who I hooked up with. Things were going fine but then she starts acting distant around me. I ask her what's up and she says she is not looking for a boyfriend at the moment. Weird thing was I overheard her telling a friend that she really likes me just days before.

I told her if she doesn't want a boyfriend then fine but we end up hooking up again. Then she goes distant again. I'm pretty annoyed with her actions and although don't shout at her I am offish with her. I can see she also feels bad as when are eyes meet she sheepishly smiles and looks upset the rest of the night.

A week later she calls me and says she likes me but wasn't sure how I felt but wants to date if I do. I say I like her and want to date. We go on a couple of dates text, speak etc and she seems happy but once again she goes distant eventually saying she doesn't have time for a boyfriend.

I get sick of it and tell her to forget it. She texts me and says she is seeing someone else but its not serious. I know this sounds like games and that I should forget her but when we were together she was really affectionate and caring and even introduced me to her mother. Should I just ditch this girl. I like her but she is really turning my emotions sideways!

Why can't she make up her mind about me when if she has feelings for me?

[Anonymous]

There are 3 obvious signs that she does not want you

1. She tells you she doesn't want a boyfriend

2. She tells you that she is seeing someone else

3. She is kind of "distant" as you say it

If she tells you she wants a boyfriend but does the other 2, or tells you she is only seeing you, or tell you she doesn't want a boyfriend but is more close to you... I mean just look at the problem! What can you tell that she likes you besides her

1. Telling you she likes you but yet does the 3 above

2. Sleeps with you but does the 3 above

3. Talks/text you but does the 3 above

One of the 3 above has to have a certain go around.

For example:

1. She actually really wants a boyfriend. Ask her why she can't make time for a boyfriend? Why isn't she looking for one.

2. Ask her why she is dating around, you and some other guy if she doesn't want a boyfriend?

3. Ask her why she is so distant? Doesn't she like you as a friend? Even friends are not so distant and hang out pretty much every week.

That's my advice for you. good luck

[Asker]

But that is my problem with her. Half the time she tells me she likes me, wants me to be her boyfriend and I have her full attention. Then the next she is the opposite. I mean why call me, confess her feelings for me and agree to start seeing each other (exclusively) and then pull away once she's got my full attention. Maybe its games but I didn't think she was that type of girl.

But it doesn't really matter anymore. I'm pretty much done with this one and think I'm gonna leave well alone.

[Sniper44]

Some girls just want everything on the table before commitments are made. Some of them know when you're not being real with them but they want to keep trying because they do still enjoy your company. Honesty. Very important. ☺

[anniebannaney]

I'm sure others have told you this but you need to confront her.

Shes insecure, doesn't want to get hurt, yada yada. Typical girl.

If you really think she's worth it that she's not just using you then go for it. If more games proceed then tell her straight up what's upsetting you and how confused you are. If she won't talk to you then she's not willing to give a relationship a go. She might have baggage as most people do and its often hurtful. Try to get her to open up and test the waters to see if she's honest or just looking for guys to chase her.

[angie523]

sounds to me that she doesn't know what she wants... she wants you, then all of a sudden she flips out and is like no I can't go out with u. she sounds insecure because she is scared to get close to someone because of mb of guys she has dated in the past and doesn't want to get hurt again. so you really need to confront her face to face ...hopefully she can just give you the truth.

[Odin1793]

To be blunt she sounds like a player and a tramp. I mean she's seeing and hooking up with you a number of times and then just happens to mention she's seeing someone else ?

She's clearly playing you and the other guy - and it might not just stop at you and the other guy either, you might not be able to count her current squeezes on one hand. She's clearly the kind of girl who's a stranger to fidelity and honesty. What this means is she could never be trusted, and would make truly awful long term relationship material. She's the kind of girl who'll never be happy with the guy (or in this lady's case, guys) that she currently has - she's always going to be on the lookout for something better. By all means have some more fun with this girl if she puts out, but for the love of God don't give your heart away to her - you say you're already getting feelings about her - bad move given she's a girl who sounds very untrustworthy - at the end of the day she's using you and the other guy, and by the sounds of things it won't ever go further than that for either you or the other guy.

[funny222]

Women can be affectionate with men on dates, to the point where it feels like she's flirting, since it's part of their feminine nature. I was at a friend's house, made a funny joke, and his wife lean into me and laughed. She was not getting sexual, she was just being a woman...with a wine glass in her hand.

So it seems to me that she likes you, yes, but no more than that. She knows you want more, is why she meets your smile halfway, so to speak, yet is trying to keep you close somehow with hesitation.

I could be wrong but that's what it sounds like to me. If you want more from her, don't pursue her. Her telling you she doesn't have time for a boyfriend is, in many case, really saying "I don't have time for you in my bedroom."

[Asker]

we've already slept together. And when we were dating their was lots of eye contact, holding hands and kissing. And why call me to tell me her feelings only to change her mind so suddenly. I guess I would move on a lot quicker if she just came out and told me she is not interested but she hasn't done. But I guess your right in the sense that somethings not right as all this drama is unecessary if you really want to be with someone.

[funny222]

And if you do win her over, the drama might continue again at another later date. This is why I don't chase down women anymore. If they're going to make me work for it, then they don't really want me. That's how I see things now.

[miara]

She has no idea what she wants from you, that is the long and short of it. She may not be consciously playing games with you, she just isn't sure where she is at with life. Back off for a while, she may figure herself out eventually.