Kissed another girl, in a long distance... when to tell?

Hi everyone,

I have a problem that I created myself. I'm with my girlfriend since nearly one year, it is for me first really serious relationship plus the thing I think and hope I could spend my life with her, have kids. I really enjoy being with her, she is the best woman I met in my life, with great values that she follows. We've been together for couple of months before we got separated by really huge distance. I haven't seen her since then, we've been in contact and at the beginning it was all OK. Though some time ago I started feeling left out by her, not needed anymore. We've spoken about it couple of times but without any change, I still felt sad and down cause of no attention from her side. And here comes the thing. One night I went to the bar, was actually really bad day even there, cause my friends got busy and I was just standing by myself, didn't want to approach anybody cause it wasn't what I came to the bar for. But I got approached, then introduced to another girl. And basically after 5 minutes of stupid conversation we kissed. We have actually made out kissing long and in passionate way. I knew very well it is going to happened but I didn't stop myself, I kept kissing her. She was very attractive and told me all kind of stuff like I'm really cute, that she can't stop kissing me etc. Then she asked me to go out with her to another place, but I refused and got back home. The thing is I didn't even feel that bad just after it, until I got text from my girlfriend saying that she loves me... All the time I was kissing that other girl I was thinking about my girlfriend and how stupid thing I'm doing, but I didn't stop it. One of the reasons behind it was also that after our first date with my girlfriend I saw her kiss another guy. Later she told me it didn't mean anything to her, and that she didn't know I'm in love with her as I didn't tell her that. But what hurt me in that was that she didn't regret. I think she might have kissed that guy also later, when our relationship was really starting going on, but she claims she doesn't remember if she did. After we were talking about it but I felt it didn't really matter for her that much, and for example her kissing another girl in lips seems to be OK - but for me it is not. So I think all that more than anything, well plus this lack of attention made me do it

But I do regret it, I thought it would make me feel better but it only brought one more problem, where in fact the ones from past maybe have been already resolved, as it didn't repeat anymore after conversations we had. The questions is should I tell her what happened ? And knowing that we haven't seen each other for long time, soon I will meet her for short vacation, but then we will get separated again for a while. Should I tell her now, immediately through the phone, and risk she won't accept me to come. Should I tell just after I arrive and ruin the vacation, or tell after the vacation and make it look as it is all a lie?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What I would do : Break up with her. In my experience this relationship is going to end badly. However, you fell in love with her and I have been in lovve before so I will give you the advice YOU are looking for : Tell her now. Why? Because when she comes to see you it is going to be ruined anyway. You are going to have that thing called a "Guilty Conscience" and you won't be able to enjoy her company. Then she is going to leave and you are going to feel like crap. Then, you are going to tell her (eventually) and she is going to get angry because you didn't tell her sooner. Either way you go, you messed up man. The best course of action is to admit fault and try to repair things before they get out of hand. The longer you wait, the worse it is going to get. In reality you should have told her right after it happened. That would have shown her that you instantly felt remorse and she would have been more forgivable about the whole situation. If nothing else you have learned a life lesson that will be useful to you in the future.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I figured what between you and the girl at the bar was just an accident. You're a guy and you couldn't help yourself, esp. when you had such thoughts in your mind about your girlfriend and the kissing thing. It was not your fault.

    However, I don't think that you should tell her now. I know you feel bad about what you did, but your girlfriend may not feel as understanding. Wait until you meet her, see how everything goes. If you still love her after all, show her how much you do. And then telling her after that isn't too late. Keep in mind that besides feeling angry and cheated, she possibly feel like you did that as a pay back move or something. My point is, choose your words and attitude carefully when you decide to reveal the truth.

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  • First of all you have to think why you kissed that other girl. OK you may not want her and regret it but you have to question where you relationship is going. I think you need to talk to your girlfriend and in you mind before you see her decide what you want so you can be clear, put your cards on the table it will only eat you up if you keep it from her.

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What Guys Said 0

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