Is It True When They Say, "You Always Want What You Can't Have?"

This guy, I can't get him out of my head. I met him like 2 months ago and mind you- I have been single in the dating world now for well over a year. I rarely become this mesmerized- fascinated- enamored- a guy. Usually they like me, want to have sex, or whatever and I'm usually not into them...Not as much as I'm into this guy.

I swear, he's doing funny things to me. Things I haven't done in a very long time. I write more, paint, write music, he has me inspired like a muse would. Ill listen to certain songs that remind me of him. I find myself doing things or saying things to him that afterward I am going, "OH MY GOD! DID I JUST?..." Yeah, I did.

I have an odd relationship with him. I can't read through his mixed signals more like, "bi-polar" signals. Ever since day one I was trying to find ways to hang out with him...Id invite him over all the time and he would always flake out on me- like not show up. Even though we talked on the phone a few times, texted almost everyday, it was like pulling teeth to get him to come hang out with me!

He finally came to hang out with me. He came over at 3 am to hang out with me that is.

Last I checked, isn't that booty call time?

Anyways, during the course of our early morning together I was kinda tired and I asked if he wanted to lay in my comfy bed with me. So we were lying there and I had to make another move! I had to ask him if he cuddled! He said yes, and threw his very stiff arm around me. And that was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

In the later morning, he was leaving and gave me a kiss on the lips. It was nice, but just a peck.

Since then, I again find myself making attempts to hang out with him, only to get shot down. I have gotten shot down so many times that I have pretty much given up on asking him to hang out.

This guy acts this way to me, which is usually a clear sign of disinterest, but then again, he does things that make me think, what's the deal? Maybe I do have a shot with him.

He will hug me, he will kiss me on the cheek goodbye, he will walk me to my car. He loves the music I make and so I made him a CD and every time I see him or come over he is listening to my cd. He does things that mess with my head. I sent him a text one day saying: "I have fresh coffee, breakfast, and sex."...And he texted back "cu soon". He came over, ate my breakfast, drank my coffee, and then said he had to leave! I asked him to tell me if it was me, but he is so vague and won't give me a straight answer.

This man is so vague! Talk about "beating around the bush" to not even make a point or clarify anything! Its so frustrating.

He'll be so nice, happy and talkative one min, then the next min, I find myself stuck over at his house and he is completely silent to me for 2 hours not even wanting to talk or more like not even trying to talk. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife!

I've tried to practice the art of disassociation.But I like him so much its like He's c*ck blocking my dating life


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Most Helpful Guy

  • (laughing) DJ-Smut --

    Sounds like a frustrating situation -- but your last sentence made me chuckle. I respect a woman who can be brutally honest and call the ball as it is -- well done. I share a similar problem of loving/liking a person who has completely blown me off -- so I relate!

    Unless your guy grew up in a cave, he is not a virgin and most likely knows full well what it means to snuggle on your bed. And of course he knew what could come of swinging by your house at 3AM. Don't fool yourself into thinking he just "missed" an opportunity. If I'm with a woman where sex could be an option, and after experimenting a little, decide it's not for me, a quick kiss "goodbye" and a fast exit "stage right" is precisely what I do/have done. To be specific, he is being nice to you, DJ. He is not telling you to "get lost" to your face; he is simply not responding to you in the hopes you will stop asking. No amount of hammering at his walls will make this change -- at least NOT from a sexual perspective.

    If you want to capture him, you need to do one of two things -- (a) use him or a situation around him to break him, or (b) find out what makes him tick in his own life, and align your interests to match this. People like to hang out with other people that share their interests and abilities (duh, right?) -- so stop trying to get in his pants, and instead try to get into his hobbies.

    In terms of (a) above, this is largely if you are interested ONLY in sex. In this case, you need get his defenses worn down -- strike while the iron is hot (i.e. social changes where he is vulnerable, or work changes where he feels like something is unsettled)...the more a guy is off-balance, the more likely we are to seek solace in the arms of a willing partner. I don't recommend this for long term relationship building (tends to result in remorse later), but it is highly effective is sex is your primary target. Takes patience and a good eye, though :)

    Sean

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