Should I give up dating?

I'm starting to not understand a lot of things...

I'm a very attractive college student, friendly, great smile, have plenty of friends and a super fun job. I'm the nice girl that keeps everyone smiling. I have had only one boyfriend but he was 2 years ago. He was the type I'm sure every girl has met, the type that takes advantage of your sweetness. hmm... when I was younger I was pretty shy around boys, I would blush when my crush smiled at me, was never the boy crazy type. As I got older I have made many guy friends. Really just friends, the kind that you would consider my brothers. These guys will punch out any jerk for me, and they were ready to punch out my ex.

My dad knows that my best friends are guys and that we play football, video games, joke around alot. Well one day my dad suggest that I should be dating and have a boyfriend. I am 21 years old and I should grow up a bit. Its only normal for girls my age to be into guys. Maybe my dad was afraid that I am gay. I know I am not gay, I just have not met a guy who is boyfriend material yet. Besides guys end up being my brothers anyway. So.. I decided that the next time I get a chance, I will not treat a guy like he is my friend, I will treat him like a romantic interest. And I have gotten some phone numbers, been out to lunch a couple of times, but there was no luck. I'm no good at flirting! The guys were okay but I have already placed them in the friend position. These guys were definitely interested in me at first but maybe I came off as complicated.

I also have 2 best girl friends. One is married and the other is pretty flirty I guess. I did have another best girl friend but she ended up being a jerk, she knew how to talk to guys too. One day I say to my friend (the former friend) "im having no luck with this dating thing" and she says "maybe you should stop dating then" I didn't understand how that was suppose to help when she is on the phone flirting 24/7 and it seems that I have no practice. I say the same thing to my married friend and she says "you are only 21 you have plenty of time to meet a guy, you don't have to meet him right now" She was right so I stopped thinking about guys, dating, relationships for awhile until today when I decided to write this. I was talking with my other girl friend today and she says "i want to meet a better guy" and I jokingly say "we should meet guys together" and then later on I'm talking to my guy friend and I tell him "i don't know how I can help her meet a guy, I can't even meet one myself" and my guy friend says "what if you just stop dating?"

I don't understand why I should take this advice when it seems that no one else is. Everyone should just be single and fine too right? I'm so confused now. Why is it so easy for some to be in a relationship or even just a fling? I'm a catch and I would like to catch a catch but wouldn't all the catches be taken if they are such catches?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • not all catches would be taken...many people date for the wrong reasons..which usually ends in heartbreak and regret...so no you shouldn't give up dating...you should just date for the right reasons...many people I know, including myself are good looking etc..but we don't have gf's because we are focussed on getting other things right first..so it depends what kind of catch you want..

    having said all of this I think that you shouldn't give up dating...but you should date for the right reasons in order to attract the right guy..what I mean by that is if you want to date guys to just be a girl that has a bf...then most likely that's the type of guy you will attract..but it seems like you only want to date because other people want you to date and that's not what you really really want atm..

    hope it makes sense

    thats just what I personally think :)

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What Guys Said 13

  • If it's a relationship you want, then don't take this 'don't date' bullsh*t. Keep dating guys.

    I see a problem with your experiences - you stick these guys in the 'friend zone' like they're not good enough for you. That's a bad thought - picky people end up being single for a long time because of it. I've blown off a few girls in my time because I wanted someone better, and I regret it. At least I've figured that part out.

    Now these guys you have as friends = they could always be turned into long-term lovers. That's how loving relationships prosper - one day at a time, slowly for many years. It's just that both parties need to be willing to SETTLE DOWN with each other, and not want anyone else or anything more. Just be satisfied with what you get, because everyone out there is spoiled to the core, and want someone they can't have. It doesn't work out too well.

    I have so much more to tell you, but I'm out of energy for the night. But feel free to send me a private message and I'll explain more if you'd like.

    But as far as these "what if you stop dating" remarks go, they fail to understand that YOU WANT to find love, the same way they did. It's bullsh*t advice, because you know you won't agree with it.

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  • please for the love of *insert your religious deity here* don't expect prince charming to come waltzing through the door. I know you don't want that you just want-- Yes I know, every guy who has ever been rejected by girls that fit your description (not trying to be rude, I'm truly not I just don't know you and only have your word to go off of) has heard the "nice guy who" blah blah blah, stuff. You have to sometimes just embrace the good with the bad (assuming that the bad isn't being an A-hole).

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  • I think your issue is that you are intent on immediately placing a guy in a category. It sounds as if you are not immediately swooning, you quickly place the guy in the friend zone. That's OK. But believe it or not, many good and even great relationships can start out with the guy and girl being friends. Heck, I know some people who wouldn't think of dating someone before hanging out with them enough times to know them a bit before making that jump, as it were. The best analogy I can give is with music. When I was much younger, I would listen to a song and instantly decide whether I liked it or not. Then, a friend explained that music is more complex than that. Listen to it a couple of times, then decide you don't like it, he counseled. And he was right. And my ability to appreciate music grew exponentially.

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  • im the same personality wise as you haven't bein in a relationship in 2 years,

    lots of friends and such, go to school and etc

    I think your just picky like me, you know a lot of people and what you like or not

    look at this zodiac website for compatability it worked for me link

    just be patient someone will come along, I think if you look to much it won't happen

    its up to fate I believe

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  • Dont give up dating you shouldn't even be looking to date someone you should just let it happen. You will know when you met the right person because you won't be able to get them out of your head and you won't be able to stop thinking about them. Wait for that moment trust me its well worth the wait. Just let it happen instead of trying to force it, keep going on your dates and meeting new people and eventually you will find mr right

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  • So which one is it? you didn't meet a guy that's "boyfriend material" (whatever that is) or you did, and then placed them in the friend zone?.

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    • Wait, you mean it wasn't all spelled out in that wall of text? Gasp.

    • the guy is in the friend zone because I could only think of him as a friend and nothing else. But I wonder if that is my fault because I have loads of guys in the friend zone and no boyfriend. I'm sure some of my friends might be boy friend material for some other girl but I'm just not attracted to any of them. Boyfriend material would be a guy that I am really into and wouldn't mind getting to know him on a romantic level.

  • that last line reminds me of the woodchuck chucking wood... LOL... I dnt know u, but you sound like a really good girl... OK, a catch... it's just where you are in life. Never fear, guys will gravitiate to you... you will remember these problem-free days and wonder where they went.

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  • Lol your last line is hilarious! Well you sound pretty cool but maybe a little complicated. And if you say you're terrible at flirting then that's no good either, girls that don't flirt with us tells us they are flat out not interested. Girls that flirt too much tells us they are slutty (well only if they flirt with everyone else the same way). Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet? I men obviously...that is your problem...:(

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  • Play video games? You are SO my type'a chick.

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  • Don't sweat it. Just keep having fun. You'll meet someone. You already did. I'm 25 and still love being a bachelor. I've had 1 long term relationship and it didn't work out because I enjoyed being free and single and kind of acted like it whilst we were a couple. My point is if your happy with being single and enjoying life then if you try and force it you'll end up unhappy. If your an attractive girl you won't really have to do much to catch guys attention and when the right one comes along you'll know like the rest of us do and certainly won't put him in the friend zone.

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  • DON'T QUIT. NEVER QUIT. the moment you give up is when you lose who you really are. try to have fun.

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  • No. The catches would not all be taken. I was 24 when I met my wife, and I was not quite ready to be caught prior to that. Prior to that I was too immature, and I wasn't able to be self-sufficient in terms of my job.

    Some of the best wines in the world are sitting on the shelf waiting until they are mature enough to fetch the right price. Good grapes alone don't make a wine valuable, they must be ready. Sorry to say, but no man under 21 is ready these days.

    In the meantime though, here are some more practical suggestions: as much as guys complain about how helpless their wives are, every man feels like a million bucks when he can come to the rescue of a woman. Since we don't hunt for our food and we mostly work indoors now, men have an identity crisis.

    Get guys to do stuff for you, then genuinely show gratitude (steak?).

    Men love feeling competent and manly, so get them to carry something heavy for you.

    Put things on high shelves for them to get down for you.

    Ask them to check your oil and tire pressure.

    Ask them to walk you to your dorm/car/wherever because it's dark out or something.

    Have them kill your spiders.

    Ask them for advice on something like choosing electric guitar strings, exhaust systems, etc.

    Good luck

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  • It sounds like you need a man and are surrounded by boys. Date older men.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Don't give up before you even start! You already said your ex friend was a bitch so why listin to her? For some reason not all catches have been caught because sometimes catches are attracted to non-catches who don't last therefore leaving a gap between non-catches for catches. My fiance is a total catch but the girls he dated before me were total bitches a.k.a no catches but of coarse he didn't know that until he dated them. Try to be a little more feminine is all I can say because it sounds like you are making yourself "one of the guys". Try putting on some make-up, figure flattering clothes and flirting rather than acting buddy buddy with the guys you like. Good luck!

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  • Hi Girl,I have the SAME problem! no kidding. reading your story is like reading mine. maybe we should talk and find boys together.

    But here's what I think, you definitely have a high standard, you know you are a catch and you don't like guys that you don't think is worthy. So even if you think you'll be OK with going on dates with them...and you do. you know you don't like them. and you thought you hid it really well...but there's the thing, boys are not stupid, they can tell if you are interested or not after awhile. it's some really subtle hints that make them know you don't like them...and it's very hard to fake otherwise.

    Especially if you are gorgeous and ambitious, I think a lot of guys our age will back off.

    I get along really well with older guys. and I think that's why. so either change your personality or change your pool

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    • haha I don't think I want to change my personality, I like who I am and my friends like me, but I understand what you mean. My guy friends are my age and I'm just not attracted to them at all, but I'm sure other girls might be. I have said many times that all the best guys are taken or gay and then I would say guys are stupid but then my friends would say " ouch" and " well I thought I was a pretty good guy" and I would kind of feel bad.

    • why do you think they back off if you are ambitious & gorgeous? Is it because that scares them? They believe you may have high expectations? You sound like you have experience :)

  • No

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