Ladies: Do you like to open up naturally?

I notice this pattern a lot with women: They don't like opening up.

But I also understand how good it feels when someone just understands what you are going through.

I also know that if both people in a relationship were understood then it makes for a long healthy relationship versus a short distraught relationship.

What do you think would help me out in understanding women - to talk about something that's bothering them or to "remedy" the pain they feel because of my actions? Preferably - What could help me make the woman I've been longing for, feel a lot stronger when she is feeling weak - without making me look gay or insensitive?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am open to those people who are worth it and who care about me. Don't be "aggressive", expect nothing and yet be nice to her. That'll open her up. :D

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    • what do you mean by don't be aggressive ? . I used too learn the girl and appreciate her. I am also extremely very nice . but who know what at the end they don't still open up . some say I am too nice an a little clingy . is that a reason TO TURN HIM DOWN?

    • Don't ask her too many questions at once,and don't be around her constantly. Give her little space.

What Girls Said 19

  • I open up when it's necessary or when the situation requires it, but not when it's inappropriate to do so. Sometimes I practice caution in how I open up. There are ladies who like to open up, they are those who don't.

    Personally, observation (without any biasness) is a fundamental element in understanding/getting to know women. Actions speak louder than words. But having said that, listening out (but not necessary believing everything they say) to women's insecurities/problems etc. also provides you an insight, and a further understanding to how women think. If you haven't listen out to ladies as much or inexperienced in providing advices to women's situation, just be attentive and lend your ears to the woman you've been longing for when she needs to open up, put yourself in her shoes, don't comment/say too much unless you are highly experienced with what she's facing. Even if you need to say something, say it with tact and keep it neutral. It may surprise people how much we can learn and understand about people purely listening attentively to others :)

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  • I give you credit on wanting to be there for her & trying to help her open up. It means more to her than you may know and its a great thing when you can open up to your partner, because they become your best friend. I do not open up very well at all. I was with my ex for 6 years & I could tell him anything & I felt he understood, and didn't judge. We didn't have a great relationship, but he was my best friend & that probably was the best part. I have since been talking to a new guy & its so hard for me, we come from different worlds, but the little things I think he's going to judge me about, he hasnt, so its been a relief. Even with friends & family, I don't open up until I'm ready. My mom will know something is wrong with me, she'll ask, and ill say nothing...and she says "ok, you'll talk about it when your ready"..my best friends know I'm like this as well. I've always bottled things up & then every so often I have a meltdown and get everything out/cry etc. I wish I wasn't like this. I just don't know how to express my feelings when they are bothered, I hate confrontation, so if me being quiet will keep a arguement from taking place, then that's what I do. Back to your question, just be there for her, tell her that it doesn't matter what the problem or situation is you are there for her & please don't be afraid to tell you. Tell her to just talk to you. Sometimes we get afraid to say what's on our mind, but it helps if you budge us just a little, not too much! But just enough that we feel you truly care and want to be there for us. I'm sure you'll do fine! G'Luck!

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    • Thank you, you said it perfectly like the way I try to do it - but unfortunately it hasn't been working with the girls in my area. The only thing I can assume from that is that "i" am the problem and as such it's probably not going to get discussed.. Any thoughts?

    • Show All
    • Because "what you are doing" with him - is where you may step up and he pulls back, yeah you want to step back when he steps forward, but it's a tug of war with effort.. if you could both contribute at the same time, that would be great! But life doesn't work that way - which is why I think you guys are a good balance, you just need to understand how you guys fill in the cavities of each other.

    • Haha! No I'm not your ex-wife! Never been married! Thanx for the advice..I too think we "balance" each other, I just want to get the balance right! I'm going to keep at it, though sometimes I want to give up, but that's not me! He def has traits that I lack, vice versa. You are right about people being different in expressing themselves & respecting that. Understanding is the biggest but also toughest part, because we are all different! Hopefully you can find your balance as well =)

  • honestly it just depends on which girl you fall on. I always open up to guys or I can't connect with them. I have to let them know how I feel or what's bothering me or what I like about them. some girls just try to be mysterious which just makes sh*t worse all the time. there's no way to make a girl open up really, you've just gotta find the right one who isn't afraid to show her feelings.

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  • Haha, this is a great question. The most useful tool I have learned is how communication varies between men and women is parroting. Men tend to communicate in "I think" statements and women in "I feel" statements. If you change your wording to mirror hers, she will no longer see you as a potential threat and will be more likely to open up in the future. Acknowledge what she has said by reiterating it to her in your own words. Example:

    Her: "I can't believe my best friend would talk s*** like that!"

    You: "I agree. Friends shouldn't talk s****. Have you told her how you feel?"

    You have parroted what she said, acknowledged her feelings, and offered a solution at the same time. Women relate through communication and self expression. Mirroring this doesn't make you appear "gay" but it does make you look like you know what the hell you are talking about. Hope that helps :)

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  • i just open up when I find sum1 who really listens to me and who really understands! my boyfriend says he ll listen and understand but when I speak we mostly end up fighting maybe because I don't know how to express or maybe because he's not that good in listening...girls might think m stupid because I open up easily and sumtimes to any1 but it makes me feel much better and nothing is worth killing myself 4! so I don't keep things to myself and I love people who ask me what's wrong and really have the guts to listen and be there!

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  • can't speak for others but no, I don't like opening up. I want to solve things on my own nd not burden anyone with my own problems.

    you can try to talk to them about it, or you can just try to "make things easier" for her so there's one less thing for her to worry about, even if it's not the big problem at hand (cooking, doing the dishes, walking the dog, etc)

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  • I don't open up right away, I have to trust someone before I reveal too much to them. There are some people who I automatically feel comfortable with & let them in sooner, but that does not happen often. Once I reach that comfort zone, I really show a person who I am & a stronger relationship is built.

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  • If everyone was to open up and let all there real feelings out, what a great world this would be!

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  • im very reclusive, I don't open up to anyone because I think that if people knew certain things about me, and these aren't just littlee things, they are big things about myself that I was bron with and I'll die with, that they won't want to have anything to do with me.

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  • i naturally find it harder to open up to people ...especially strangers I just met -> since to me anything and everything I do or say will relflect my whole personlaity...

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  • I open up to almost anyone but I'm also shy so I don't talk to jocks or anyone who doesn't care. Most of my friends say they wish they could open up like me but the truth is I like have other people know what's happening in my life if I don't talk or seem down because then they won't have to KEEP asking what's wrong.

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  • I can totallly relate! I have such a guard up for everyone cause I don't wanna look weak when really there's so much I wanna say in the right time. When I'm upset I'm gonna admitt I HATE to vent. But everyones different.. anyways, in my case I love when ik I can open up to a guy about the situation, talk about it, but he always comes out w.positive feedback . ALWAYS remind her everything will be okay, and you'll be there for her.

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  • when this happens just she needs love good old fashiond love also sexual healing is good when I was like this my man would make love to me :)) it works some times words are not good just be a man show her

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  • Honestly I don't open up to anyone anymore I feel its better to hold everything in just to save the problems in the long run. That's just me everyones different.

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  • What's the point? Guys only want to help you if they think you're hot and they want to get in your pants and/or make them feel "in love" with you. I have female friends I can talk to if I want to...

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  • Im the kind of perSon that don't like to open up but when the guy I'm with opens up to me I would be happy about it because it only says that he trust me and I'm importat to him.

    that also make me want to open up to him.

    i won't lie and say that I'm an open book because I'm not and I hardly talk about how I feel or what is going on in my life because I don't feel like I want to.

    i'd open up to someone respects and understands me and someone I'm comfortable with.

    someone who I know he Will be there for me whenever I need him to listen to me Or even to be there for me.

    An open shoulders who won't judges me for opening up to him.

    these kinds of guys don't exits.

    but when I can't hold it and keep it to myself I just go talk to1 of my friends but I won't tell them what is really going on because it will just screw the day and I don't want them to change on me or treat me differerntly or even look pathatic.

    thats better then killing myself like what hanosh said.

    These days guys don't want you to open up to them,they don't care,they just wants your V and sex.

    they will just get bored from it.

    And will call you needy,drama queen or wateva or even break up with you the time you need them besides you because they say they can't handle your drama and life.

    anyways..

    i would like to be hugged when I'm in that bad mood,would like to be asked what's wrong with me?

    asked who annoyed me ?

    what made my smile disappear?

    ya know with some jokes that will make me laugh.

    telling me that who made me sad will be beaten lol that's funny.

    tells me that since he is here besides me no 1 gonna hurt me.

    thats nice

    ya know stuff like that and I'm sure I'll open up And she may open up.

    then if she opened up to you,dont let the weather full of sadness,joke so she laughs and to make her forget it.

    Dont be pushy,tell her she can call You anytime she wants...etc

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  • Personally I don't usually open up to anybody I usually keep everything bottled up inside.Even though I know this isn't good I just can't open up to many people.There's only one person that I recently met at my job a months ago and we became really close friends and even more than that I consider him my big brother and he considers me as a little sister. It came to a point where I tell him everything and he does too.We became so close that my family members thought that me and him were going out and they thought that we did the worse.(hes 21 and I'm 17). But anyway you should tell her that you will always be there for her no matter what and tell her that in whatever the situation may be not to be afraid to tell you what's on her mind. If you tell her this then she will open up little by little and eventually open up to you completely. Good Luck!

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  • That really depends on how long you've been going out

    If it has only been a handful of dates, then I probably won't open up to you because I feel like I would be whining and complaining and unloading my baggage on you and obviously that's not too attractive. The beginning of relationships shouldn't be about problems, it should be kept light and easy and fun. So, there's probably nothing you could do or say at this point that would make me open up to you

    But if we are in a relationship, then of course, I'm going to unload all my issues on you whether or not you want to hear them.

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    • Constructive critisism -> I hate it when women have issues in general that they try to "unload on me".. If they have them, that's fine, but don't just ramble about your issues because you can.. Relationship or not.. It's one thing if I'm asking, another if your dropping them on me so that I can fix them.. Ya know? Just trying to let you see another perspective, not trying to be a prick.

    • I get where you are coming from. But if you're my boyfriend then it's your job to listen to me rant and rave. Just like it would be my job to listen to you when you're having issues. This is the for worse part in relationships, but still important

    • Fair enough - and like I said I'm working on it, but I absolutely dreaded my last relationship where she would vent and vent about her issues and I kept mine internally - then expressed them in the gym or when I was in the forest, etc..

  • It's not gay, that's the sweestest thing ever. Girls don't open up because they don't want to be judged and its really hard open up to a guy because of trust issues and things in their past that have hurt them. I myself, find it very difficult to open up to a man, I tend to push people away because iv been hurt in the past. I have met this guy that has made me feel so comfortable but I'm scared I'm pushing him away. And it might be too late and that's what hurts the most. He is the first guy in 2 years I have felt a connection with. If a girl tells you about her problems, listen and really care what she has to say.. ask questions don't just say oh.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Women open up to you if you are, confident in the real sort of way.

    1 You believe in yourself,

    2 you accept that you aren't perfect

    3 you expect nor demanding anything from anyone

    4 don't have any fear of gain or loss

    if you have that kind of confidence and are just present with someone they will open up completely and tell you things they have never told anyone.

    If you have a desire to "help" them, are unsure, make them feel like you need to hear what they have to say, judge there words or even just want to be that helpful guy they won't open up as easily or at all.

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  • I'm not part of the audience you're asking, but I can relate to your question. My last ex was one that had a lot of trust issues due to betrayal by friends and previous boyfriends. I did my best to be supportive and listen, but that only goes so far as in her words, "you listen, but you don't get it". There's always that personal experience factor that if the two of you can relate, it'll be a connection ten times stronger than ones formed through words and support.

    I'm not condemning your actions--in fact, what you're doing is great. You can let them know that you're there to talk and reinforce that through your actions showing that you care. Whether they'll open up or not will be on their time schedule and how much they trust you.

    Some people won't open up unless the other person has gone through the same thing. There's not too much one can do in that situation, unfortunately.

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    • Thanks, your answer really helps. Unfortunately I can say I've been through a variety of painful situations - so I know a bit more than the average person gives me credit for.

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