This is going to sound silly, but I'm sick of having him pay!

Have been seeing a guy for about a month now, and things have been going well, except for one thing... he pays ALL the time.

In the past, I wouldn't mind if the guy pays for the first date, then we go on splitting the bill afterward, or something like "I'll get it this time, you get it the next time". But this guy wants to do EVERYTHING for me -- from picking me up (even if it's 20km out of his way, and I have my own car), to paying for coffees, dinners, you name it. I had to REALLY insist on paying for 1 date once (just movie tickets) and he seemed really gracious, but I almost had to whine and beg for him to let ME pay for once!

I've tried to hint to him that I like to go at least 50/50 on things. I'm not working right now (mostly by choice, since I'm a contractor), but maybe he thinks I've got no money as a result. Or maybe that's just how he likes to treat dates in his culture. Or is this about letting a man be a "man"?

How do I tell him I'd like to go 50/50 on our dates going forward? I know most girls probably like being "wine'd and dine'd" but this is actually starting to annoy me!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can appreciate how frustrating it is to be in a situation such as that, as I see it as subconsciously creating this sense that you cannot provide/are reliant upon their providence; and given their refusal to pay; it is a courtesy of course, may be suggestive of a tendency for that person to be dominant or in control-on a deeper psychological level. Failing that, they may just want to really impress you-but buying one gifts/paying etc. for the sake of cultivating a positive image will ultimately be seen for that alone-if it is genuine, that also will speak for itself.

    The way to approach this is to consider each of these payments as a "gift" as if you were being given one for your time, patience etc.-but also, you will need to address this privately and explain your feelings/reservations; you appreciate everything but would also like to contribute as with any relationship really-a mature person would listen and appreciate your view and be happy to split some things evenly and so on.

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What Guys Said 2

  • "I'd like to go 50/50 on our dates going forward"

    Really. If it's making you that uncomfortable, he should be accepting to this.

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    • Well every time I've TRIED to pay, he starts arguing with me in public (not arguing in a bad way, but more like very verbally insistent...) I'd rather not make a scene so I just let him. But after a few dates, it's getting to be a bit too much for me. I'm not used to this.

    • Talk to him before the date then, in private.

  • u can pay randomly

    i see no problem in that...

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