Should I respond to her texts?

I have been dating this girl on and off for about 4 months. It has been really a weird relationship as she has a very troubled past. We would go out and have fun the 1st few months but all her contacts with me revolved around when and where we were going out. It seemed for a very long time, I was that person that she "used" to take her out. When we would go out, she would hold my hand, sneak in brief kisses but it never got any further.

Even when we would go home, she would just fall asleep without acknowledging my sexual desires for her. While sex usually happened naturally in my prior relationships, I found myself asking for it the 1st time in my life. She turned me down several times citing that she has yet to be comfortable with me, or that she is afraid that I would leave her after the deed like many guys did before...

A few weeks later, after repeated casual arguments and for her refusal to commit to a relationship, I left her. She waited 10 days and called me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I let my guards down and agreed to go out with her and that night was the 1st night we had sex. I honestly felt it was pity sex and she had sex with me so she can keep me close and so I wouldn't walk out on her again.

Anyways, we kept going out and got closer although she never committed to a "relationship". It felt like while she enjoyed being around me and didn't wanna lose me, she wanted to keep her options open.

It also must be noted that I am totally different (in both looks and personality) from the guys she has been with. I was probably the 1st guy she's ever been with that had a stable life. She also referred to me as "pretty boy"!

We started having sex more often (about twice a week) and her desires for me in bed kept getting better (the first few times were absolutely terrible from her end).

Last week, since she doesn't drive, she asked to borrow my car. She knows how much I cared about the car and that I would never let anyone borrow it but she insisted. I knew she had several matters to resolve that day including meetings with her lawyer, doctor and Christmas shopping and I was working all day so I couldn't drive her around. I kept saying that I still don't trust her and she assured me that no one would ride with her and that she would strictly drive it for the aforementioned reasons and would drop it off as soon as I come home. So I reluctantly relented.

She borrowed the car and pretty much texted me every hour to comfort me that she was fine.

However, an hour before she was supposed to drop it off in the evening, she called me to say that she was exhausted and that she would drop off the car in the morning. It was very suspicious but in case she wasn't lying, I sure didn't want her driving tired and in the dark considering she isn't an experienced driver.

My suspicions took the best of me and I had a friend drive me by her house a couple of miles away. My fears came true as my car wasn't there. I immediately called her and asked her whe


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Most Helpful Girl

  • ouch...ouch...OUCH!

    Ok, first of all, the fact she has appointments with lawyers, doctors, etc, are big...HUGE red flags!

    I see you are 30-35, which I'm assuming she is as well, and she doesn't have a car?! HELLO! There is a reason this chick has no car, has more lawyers and doctors than you do friends, and has to text you know she has your car!

    Of course she didn't bring the car back- it's dark, PSH! Not a good driver? What, does she not have a license?! Someone that needy of a car clearly has issues. Has she not heard of public transportation, a taxi, or even some other friends who aren't working that day?!

    It's amazing that when she needed your car she went above and beyond to get it, but hell, when you want your car back, she's um... no where to be found?!

    It's time to pull out the cell phone and call the nonemergency line to put out the missing person alert AND stolen car. How dare she borrow your car! If she respected your wishes and knew that you don't trust anyone, NO ONE with your car, how dare she push you into thinking she was OK with it!

    Clearly she is very manipulative and she saw the opportunity of using her tricks on you when she saw that you not only are very VERY nice, but you, unlike her sleazbag ex's, has a life together! Also, you mentioned driving her places so clearly you've gone above and beyond for this girl.

    She may have just wanted to be with you consistently but not sleep with you because she had trust issues and wanted the comfort of knowing your there, but had no sexual desires for you. How easy is it for a woman to say hey, I like you, but I don't want to sleep with you, "incase you leave me".

    Clearly she knew you wanted to take it a step further and had no intentions of leaving her. She is a sick woman, who craves attention and comfort, and she saw that you would give her that plus more.

    You need to find your car, and when you do, cut all. I mean ALL ties with this woman. Who knows what she did with your car or what she plans on doing down the road with you. It's only a matter of time before you find out she's not only done heroin but she also plans on clearing your bank account.

    Stay away my friend, if your a "pretty boy" with a car and career, then pack up the bags, change the locks, make sure you don't have STDs and leave the city. Next time, follow your intuition. If it seems shady, which it sounds like you recognized right away, save the trouble and move on. Your intuition is almost, wait no, it IS always right on. Good luck!

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What Girls Said 7

  • idk why everyone right away assumes she is a scum for taking the car and lying. May BE you should of told her you were by her house and saw the car not there? She could of went to her friends house, family anythingggg and didn't want to tell you just b.c. she didn't wan't to sound like she was using you. She might of said she was tired, just so she could sleep over whever she was. In a way she sounds like me, I like a guy to take me out and yes I will go back to this place and I will not do anything, or go far with him. It's not that I am Ignorin your sexual desires, it is just a face of being insecure and scared getting close to someone. 4 months is not that long. She borrowed your car once? really you are making it more than it was, and if you feel betrayed and dumped you should of been honest and told her you didn't see the car in the drive way and streight out asked her where she was. NOW if you don't want to deal with someone who has trust issues, and intimacy issues don't get involved with that person from the start, its been 4 months may b you should of had a deeper talk with her of where you guys stand. Not blaming you, you just got invloved with a difficult person who has many issues, but I see nothing wrong with what happened. Don't go blaming her without knowing any facts at all of where she was and what she was doing. If it takes her so long to get intimate with you, I doubt she would just use your car to go cheat on you, she can do that any other time. I have a feeling she likes you and she is just scared of love, or getting too close to someone. and I sense you have trust issues yourself.

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  • Where's the end of your post? I got quite intrigued by your story adn the car episode. So what happened with the car? From what I read in your post, it seems to me she is quite witholding, insincere and unwilling to commit. I don't know what your obectives are (casual relationship or marriage, kids etc), but it doesn't seem like you're happy with the way things are. I'd say, sit her down and have a long and direct talk with her. Ask for what you need and want. Set a time frame. If she can't commit, I'd say there's not reason for you to be hanging in there. Good Luck

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  • Don't respond to her at all forget her. You seem like a really great guy to put up with her bull.shi.t! So screw her and find someone way better!

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  • Wheres the rest of the story?

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    • at the bottom of the comments section, sorry, ran out if room.

  • Wait, where is the rest of this question? Hope you got your car back, dude...

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  • Let her go you can find a better girl she doesn't sound trust worthy

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  • Don't respond to her, man! Forget about her completely! She sounds like a piece of work, she isn't committing to you which is really weird for a girl and probably means she doesn't really like you, and furthermore it sounds like she used your car to go sleep over at some other dude's house. MOVE ON!

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What Guys Said 4

  • this sounds like my story ( Please read my questions if you like). She is keeping you for material gain and using you for her personel benefits and advantages. She might be keeping someone else or many more for the same reason.

    Just like diferent people have the hobby to collect diferent things, many girls kepe an hobby of having many men around, do men also do same thigns at times, its more eaiser for women as the opporunities for them are much more then men.

    This relationship is extremely toxic and will tear you apart. stay away . go complete NC and never respond to her. she is trying to suck you back. Just like my ex.

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  • Sorry, here's the second part of the story.

    My fears came true as my car wasn't there. I immediately called her and asked her where she was and she, again, assured me that she was sleeping in her bed.

    Knowing that she lied to me, my primary goal was to get the car back. My friend advised me not to start any commotion and just wait it out till the morning.

    She dropped off the car in the morning and I again asked her where she spent the night. She again reaffirmed that she was at her house and she firmly stood by that stance. I didn't say a word to her, dropped her off, she said "call me later" to which I said "don't hold your breath". I texted her later to tell her that she was scum to borrow my car and then lie about its use. She maintained her stance that the car was parked on the driveway (which is a total lie) (I also noticed she had pajamas stuffed in a bag in the morning).

    She left a makeup bag in the backseat and was frantically texting to get it back. I never responded to her texts and called her mom to let her know that I would be dropping it off in 2 days.

    She texted me again to say that she is "tired of my insecure azz".

    She couldn't wait for me to drop off her bag and had her mom drive her to my house to get it, which also served as an opportunity to give me my Christmas present. We didn't talk at all and she probably wondered why she wasn't getting the presents she knew I bought her (and which I promptly returned).

    While I told myself not to respond to her texts or calls (I honeslty feel hate for her right now and feel betrayed and duped), I responded to her "Merry Christmas" text.

    Now a week later, she sent me a Happy New Year text and I am wondering if I should respect the "no contact rule" or reply (which I am afraid will suck me right back in).

    Thanks.

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    • Don't respond back. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. Remember her scum A$$ loss! You sound like a terrific person, and I would never let someone use my car until I fully trusted them! Good luck, keep your head up!

    • It seems to me she was only using you. don't text her anymore. You will find someone that will appreciate you.

  • DO NOT RESPOND. LET HER FADE INTO THE NIGHT. you called her scum for a good reason. stop thinking about her. women are like opinions, there's lots out there and most of them are bad. go find a better one.

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  • After reading this man I feel for ya , I would suggest you let her go why put up with that type of stress and future problems. Its up to you however if you want to go through this and maintain contact with her but I would say cut your losses and move on.

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