Did he ever care about me? How do I get over him?

It all started a few weeks ago when the guy I've liked on and off for a couple of years told me he liked me. While he had a girlfriend. He didn't break up with her for me because he like both of us and wanted to give their relationship a chance. He said that he had liked me on and off for a couple years too.

A week later, his girlfriend broke up with him. He immediately came to me and told me he liked me and was glad they broke up. We decided that we would date in the future, but not yet, so I wouldn't seem like a rebound. Over the next couple of weeks we got closer and closer, talking all the time. His ex girlfriend realized her mistake and asked him to take her back, but he said no. His ex girlfriend treated him badly in their relationship, so I tried to treat him well. He told me all the time how he really liked me and how beautiful I was. We even decided when we were going to start dating, and he asked me out. He started to refer to himself as my boyfriend.

Then, people asked him if we were going out and he said no. This confused me, while as we agreed to keep it secret, we were planning on telling people soon. I asked him about it and he said that we weren't going out yet anyways. He also said that he just denied it because he didn't want to hurt his ex girlfriend. Then he said he still had feelings for her. I freaked out, but he assured me that he didn't mean that he liked her, he just wasn't over the relationship, because

they had dated for a long time and he wanted to date me, not her.

THen he went out of town and we couldn't talk for a few days. When he came back He told me he had gotten back together with his ex girlfriend. I was shocked and extremely upset. I hadn't known he was even thinking about doing that. He said that he just missed her and it wasn't that he didn't like me, he just liked her too much and that they were too involved. H said that he knew he was a douche and felt horrible about it, but I didn't want to be involved in his screwed up life anyways. He sad that we went too fast and that he almost subconsciously forced himself to like me more than he did. He said he knew he was screwed up with girls and he was sorry he said that I would find someone better than him, and that I deserved better than him anyways. I don't understand his reasoning or if he even liked me the whole time.. He obviously lied to me the whole relationship, or at least he didn't tell me how he really felt. Now I'm in trouble cause I can;t get over him, and even though he's a douche I still like him. I know I'm better than him because he treated me horribly, but I don't know what to do and I don't get why he did this. HELP!


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What Guys Said 1

  • I'm not going to reply relatively in the order of your story here, so it may be a bit bouncy, but here it goes:

    I think, 1, that you might actually have liked moments or times with him, rather than actually him. Not to jump to conclusions or assumptions, but I'm going to assume that you guys hung out and "dated-unofficially" in a manner that got you close to him, so naturally you feel things for him. I mention this because you can't feel grounded to him. Any man that is truly capable of love (I believe) cannot "be in love" with two people. I simply don't buy it, but that's my opinion.

    For him to have gone to you so quickly makes me feel that you were indeed a rebound. Even if you chose not to date til a "set-determined day," it was probably enough for him to say, "Yeah, I can wait that long, no big deal." Which I feel was a big mistake, rather than just having said, we'll need to wait, and leave it at that. All in all, however, he shows a lack of maturity, commitment, and respect for the one "he loves", by not being faithful to his partner. Would you have appreciated it if it were you in her shoes while he was dating you, in which he liked her on and off for a couple of years? Probably not.

    I'd say be happy that he ended up back with her, because now you're not caught (further) in the mess that was started. She treats him like crap, and he's a d-bag... so... its even. They're perfect together. Find someone that isn't afraid to be in love with one person.

    He nailed it:

    Quote " He said that he knew he was a douche ... He sad that we went too fast and that he almost subconsciously forced himself to like me more than he did. He said he knew he was screwed up with girls and he was sorry he said that I would find someone better than him, and that I deserved better than him anyways" Move on, and go search for that "better" he was talking about.

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