We were good friends, he wanted to try dating, I admitted to liking him, and then he gave me the choice of whether to stay friends or try dating. I chose friendship and he said he was thinking the same thing - that it would complicate everything.
He became cold after everything happened (about 6 months ago) and I was still seeking him out. He started ignoring me altogether even when I was helping him as a friend (I help him with school and work stuff sometimes) and wouldn't acknowledge receiving any help, etc. I eventually started feeling more like crap so I deleted him from my life, but emailed him later to apologize for deleting him and tell him he hurt me. He apologized for being inconsiderate and we said we would try friendship again.
Things didn't really change much after that happened, but I wasn't contacting him (and he still wasn't contacting me). He then initiated contact and things felt like old times. At the end of the convo, he asked for my help with something. We've talked a couple of times since I've helped him this last time and it keeps getting to how things used to be (before the issue of dating). But, it's even heightened, because we're a little more comfortable saying things to the other. For instance, he'll compliment a picture, talk about my smile, and we'll admit to missing each other. That wouldn't happen before. We're supposed to be seeing each other soon at school and he said I'm the major reason he's looking forward to the new semester starting up.
However, even though he has his sweet moments, for the most part, I don't talk to him regularly. He may see me online, but doesn't say hi. He doesn't initiate a text or call. I'm not sure how to interpret his behavior. Should I think anything or his recent sweet comments? I miss him, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. I'll be seeing him soon for the first time after everything has happened and I'm afraid I'll further make a mess of things. I don't want to be casual when he still has feelings for me and I don't want to be romantic and sweet when he's over everything, which could be the case. I mean, he did ignore me for months while I was still desperate to talk to him. If anything, I'm the only one who isn't over it.
Please advise! I lack experience and need help. My not knowing how he felt before almost ruined our friendship and I don't want to make the same mistake. I don't know if our friendship can take it. I also don't want to look pathetic, though. :(
Most Helpful Girl
In my opinion,it sounds as though he was saying that he agreed with "staying friends" to save face and because you said it FIRST. I say this because his actions afterward indicated that he obviously wanted more and he was hopeful that you would want more as well. If you would have suggested dating,he would have likely been thrilled.Him becoming cold afterward was his passive aggressive attitude towards the situation and you,and then him ignoring you altogther was probably him trying to just take some space from you to get over you. Sometimes people need that. So he apologized and he's attempting to move on and continue a friendship..but now you guys are more honest or forthcoming with one another which is good. I guess you are trying to figure out if he still likes you...its probable.Or maybe he is just trying to be nice since he was being so cold before. So he still doesn't message you as often? It's okay,give him his space. Friendships change. This happens to be something that could change a friendship for better or worse. He might just need to take a step back from the friendship by not contacting you all th time...SO LET HIM.
Now,you are trying to figure out how you should behave and act around him. And you are worried about how he will behave around you. You mentioned you don't want to be "romantic and sweet,when he is overeverything"and that you don't want to be "casual when he still has feelings." What you SHOULD be is his FRIEND. You say that you only want to be friends,so if you see him and then you start acting "romatic and sweet",you are only contradicting yourself hence toying with someones emotions. Being platonic friends does not include being romantic...ROMANCE. That is,unless the two of you agree to something more than just friendship. Being casual and just NORMAL is what friends do. That will ensre I'm that platonic friendship is what you want. Actions speak tons louder than anything that can be said. I'm going off of your entire question...no where in there did you say that you changed your mind and you suddenly wanted to date him. So you have no reason to act ROMANTIC towards him.
So,he basically needed some space from you for a while,hence him acting weird because he probably really wanted to date you. He's trying to not be weird and talk to you,OR try and get you to change your mind. Who knows until you are around him more. If you still want the platonic friendship only BUT start acting like you want more by behaving in a ROMANTIC way,YES...YOU WILL MAKE A MESS OF THINGS. Just make sure your actions don't contradict what you say. I'm not sure what you aren't over. The fact he stopped talking to you for a while or that you like him,but won't date him. I say get over both.
He needed things to settle a bit hence him ignoring you.And either you are gonna make a move or not. And if you're not,and he's over it,then get over it for now and move on. Re-establish your friendship.Strenghthen that. Be normal. Good Luck! :)0