Do you feel ugly guys can be unfairly stereotyped?

1) Do women put a guy into the "creepy" or "undateable" category based on looks, and can the guy get out of that "stereotype" easily?I have a nagging suspicion that a lot of women locally see "surface" things and don't want to date me...I feel that for some odd reason, a lot of women will also take a certain thing positive about me and turn it into a fault.I love kids, and work with them a lot. So I could either be "a sensitive good father type" or "childish and immature." Out of that, I feel like I end up stuck with a lot of women having the opinion that I'm "childish" or "creepy" because I'm a young guy who can play with kids...I work for myself, but I don't ask out women a lot, so I could either be a gutsy independent risk-taker, or someone who "never takes a risk in his life." And I feel like I'm lumped into the second category somewhat unfairly. I'm not a pushover (haven't been for a long time), but I'm not nasty, so it's not that I'm "a wuss", or that "I do everything to impress a woman" or that I'm "mean and antisocial." 2) How can I get more women to see the good stuff without bragging too much? 3) And is the surface stuff (looks, money) more important to a lot of women in their 20's than the things you have to look a little deeper for?Do you feel, deep down, some guys can be unfairly lumped into the "creep" or "loser" category when he doesn't do anything creepy, but just isn't currently super successful?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1) Yes, and No. If you have a great personality, like it seems you do.. MAKE YOURSELF dateable.. trust me girls will approach you more often.

    2) Go to clubs with a friend, go out to church groups, the park.. a lot of times if you go to the beach or a park girls are more free and they are really acting like they would if you guys were in love because they have no stress.

    3) Yes and No. Goldiggers, ytes. People who want commitment and nothing but it, Not at all. If you have a job, and you are trying to get money.. then you are good to go. As for looks, people like different things. Some girls want only money, and good looks. Some want the "ugly" guys.. not saying you are ugly but they want them just so that other girls will never flirt with the guy and things. But at the end of the day it all comes down to fate, what happens..happens. No matter what you say or do.. it's what was meant to happen.

    4) No I don't. Maybe you are not in that category. Because all I know is ONE guy, just ONE that is in that category and I am younger than 18.. He texts my friends and stuff and he's like hey are you friends with - - - ( my name ) ?

    They say yah and he's like " I think she's really really hott" and all this other stuff, when I think he's totally disgusting and he has like a stalkerish personality.. Like I was laying with my friend at this school thing trying not to have to work.. like we were hiding but trying to sleep and he just walked back and like stared at us.. I got so freaked out!

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What Girls Said 8

  • First of all, I want to say that you are a nice young man. I think that it is good to see a guy your age spend time with young kids. We need more men like you. Something is wrong with the woman that are judging you. Looks are only skin deep, but what is on the inside is what counts. Their are some woman that go for a guy that looks good, or has a lot of money. Sometimes these same guys treat them like crap. So, some of these woman like bad men. But, you should not change for no one, if they can not see the good in you, then they do not deserve your kindness. You should find a girl that likes you for who you are. Trust me you will find her soon. Yes, some dumb woman would probably call you a loser. You are not a loser, you have a job,you sound like a nice person, they are the losers who don't know when a good guy comes around. Their is nothing wrong with a man wanting to work with children. I find that to be wonderful. I like guys that want to work with kids and help them out in life. So, many children do not have a father figure, and I know that they are happy to have someone like you care about them. Sometimes where you live people don't always accept you. Sometimes you will have to venture out to find a nice intelligent woman that does not see you as a loser.

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  • I think sometimes guys can be unfairly judged and juried. Fortunately, it's usually by girls who are shallow so it's a blessing in disguise that they don't flock your way on a regular basis. When you're looking for or at girls, make sure you aren't judging them as well ;)

    Also, hang out with friends and let your friends do the bragging for you. Invite a girl to join you at a happy hour (or some such thing) and when you get up to grab more drinks or hit the restroom, make sure your friend(s) point out some cool facts about you. Even better if it's a girl friend (then it won't sound so cheesy...guys aren't usually like, "And you should totally see him with kids - he's so great!" or that would REALLY be creepy!)

    Good luck...she's out there, be patient and don't underestimate yourself :)

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  • 1) Yeah =[ Sorry! You're still only half right though! If you look a bit weird then girls will probably just ignore you and steer clear - on the other hand - if you ACT really weird (e.g a bit 'touchy feely') then people will start to talk and stuff...

    ...Looks DO define who's 'dateable' and who's not which is a bit horrible isn't it?

    2) SHOW them. Actions speak a thousand words!

    3) Not necessarily - Yeah, OK some girls are goldiggers but not every one of us! There are loads of decent girls out there who are just looking for a partner who they can have a good time with.

    Creep... with your work then maybe... it's a sensitive (AND EXTREMELY SEXIST) issue you're bringing upon yourself there. People just think it's weird guys enjoying time with young children, but I mean come on, only 3% of the world's population or something are actually pervs and peodos.

    Loser... depends how you act towards people - Everyone has friends everyone has enemies =] xox

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  • Honestly yeah a lot of women/girls do base a lot of stuff on appearance but if you like a girl and she can't accept the fact that you aren't rich and Brad Pitt then she isn't worth it in the first place. As for you liking kids and playing with them that is such a good quality especially in guys. A lot of guys don't like kids or they just hide the fact that they do. I think that a lot of girls who are in there younger 20's just don't want to settle down yet. They want to go out to the bar and dancing so they probably will want someone who looks good and has money.

    Hang in there you will find a girl who likes you for you, trust me.

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  • Yes, very easily. When a girl sees a guy, the first thing she notices are his looks. Even if the guy is the most honest, sweet, gentle guy in the world, she won't date him for his outer appearance.

    As for your problem with "bragging", just say a few things that together you will seem nice. (sorry if that was hard to follow) Say, like, you love kids, you're not a pushover, and... some other third short, simple thing... but don't say it in a bragging tone, say it just as if you were giving information... but with a sweet undertone... it may help, I hope it does.

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  • Unless you work at a daycare, I can't see any real reason for you to mention that you love kids. That sounds a little creepy (sorry just being honest!) because of all of the recent publicity about child molestors and sexual predators. And the fact that liking children and being nurturing is typically seen as a "woman thing". If you like kids you don't have to bring it up unless she does first =)

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    • Well, that's what I mean. I don't volunteer that information as if I'm bragging, but if someone asks, then yes, I love kids.

      If someone asks what I do, I tell them the truth. I don't just go up to people and yell that out, but I will admit it if asked.

  • No. Definitely no.

    it all depends entirely on the personality of the guy, regardless of his looks.

    i know a lot of creeps out there who are good-looking.

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  • You could say my ex was an "ugly" guy (I'm hot by the way). He was really skinny with a big nose,small eyes, huge lips. Anyways, when I really got to know him I fell in love with him because he was different from all the "studs"(jerks) I was used to dating.

    I thought he was unattractive, and he knew it. He would even make fun of himself, like his big nose etc. and complimented me often. He made me laugh a lot because of this and we became good friends.

    1)Yes it's true that the surface is the first thing seen, so it's up to you to show what's underneath, your heart. If you show that you feel sorry for yourself, or think you are inferior to the other guys, she will see that. My ex loved kids too. He would even do childish things towards me: he would draw me pictures, and call me his best friend etc. and yes, I did think this was childish, but then I realized that normal guys would never do this type of stuff. Kids loved him, they would run to him, it was endearing. SO what if you're childish and creapy (as long as you're not a sexual pervert). You can't change for someone, cause if you change for someone they will think that's the real you and you will have to put on an act.

    THE BIBLE SAYS: let the children come to me, don't stop them, because the kingdom of God belongs to people who are like these children" Mathew 19:13-15 you have a gift with children and you should be proud of that gift.

    2)don't brag at all just be yourself and all your good qualities will come out naturally, most importantly, don't care about what other people think. My ex never worried about what I thought, he just laughed a lot and his good qualities came out when we were together. He was humble- unlike the "hotties"

    3)He did not have money. He was an illegal alien who came to the US with nothing. But the thing is: HE always gave his best to me. I know he was not wealthy. he would never let me pay, in fact my other ex's seemed cheap compared to him-and they had lots of money! The point is not that you have money, but that you give your best.

    what do you mean not being super successful? Not having money or high social status? In my opinion SO WHAT? when you die you can't bring any of that with you.

    The guy that I love will never be "successful." He's illegal, lives in a trailer, can't go to college or even have a legal driver's license or own a credit card. He's not very handsome-But he is the most awesome person I have ever met. He has nothing but is happiest person that I have ever met, he never complains and thinks of others, he has a big heart.

    you are not a failure, there is someone out there who can appreciate your qualities, I am 20 years old, and I disagree with some of the other commenters. hope this helped a little. sorry so long =)

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What Guys Said 4

  • In my experience a lot of women and men are very shallow nowadays in their 20's and even 30's. Men want bombshells, women want looks, money and social status.

    The saying "when she first meets you, a woman is looking for any reason (in her mind) not to be with you and when she is with you any reason to keep you (why some girls stay with assholes who treat them bad, but have a lot of happy memories and time invested and can't leave).

    I wouldn't focus on what you can't change, I would focus on what you can. Improve your "looks" by asking women advice on style and appearance. Sometimes a little trimmed facial hair can make a man go from "boyish" to attractive and more masculine.

    Workout, Women like a cut track or swimmer's build on a man, not too big but just right kind of physique.

    If you are short, wear shoes that give you height, most women want a man taller than them. Basically, get all your advice from women on what they find sexy, and adjust your style to what you like.

    Then focus on your social skills. You already said you were social, start making more friendships with women (real friendships, don't use them). And see if they can put in a good word and hook you up with someone (these girls will have seen how good you are inside). A lot of girls will give a guy who can really make them laugh a chance if he has a decent appearance.

    Develop a talent. Learn to play (good) in a band. A man who can sing to them can melt women. Learn to dance, surf, skateboard, learn to do something cool that YOU enjoy and can share with others.

    Be realistic. If you are not really good looking, or rich or a star, don't be upset if you can't get a playboy model. If a girl gives you a chance don't be too picky, give her a chance. She might just treat you better than the girls who are just looking on the surface.

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  • Yes, a lot of women are very shallow and do stereotype men before even getting to know them. But not all women are like this. You can't expect a girl to be ready and willing to every guy she sees. There are a lot of creepers out there. So it's a safe bet she will play it safe and pre-judge a guy based on his appearance.

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  • I think some men are, but I also think ugly guys can have a kind of chip on their shoulder and seem a little arrogant. I know I always feel like girls aren't going to like me because I'm not that great looking (5 ft 8 220 lbs, thinning brown hair,) and feel like they just disregard me, and because of this ugly guys seem mean and not that attractive because of these attitudes. It also affects confidence because most people already worry about the way they look, and to be judged negatively just makes it worse. Ugly girls are stereotyped as well, and many of these stereotypes apply. If their fat, they must just sit around and watch tv (not entirely true with some, like me I work out every day for abut 45 minutes.) or if pimply they don't wash (some people have bad skin conditions), or just plain shallowness of people. Its said, but also ugly people (especially men) get a chip on their shoulder. So it goes both ways

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  • Money no....looks sure they help everyone wants to be with someone attractive. The real question is what can you do to appeal to them? I do not have an answer for you. If I knew you I could help yea, but I do not. One piece of advise is women love hair if you have nice hair they will come....Ohhhhh... they will come.....

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