I've known him for years, then he kisses me and acts like nothing happened? What is going on?

I met Mike* when I was 18 doing dual credit at the local community college. He was 21 at the time. We had lunch together every Tues. and Thurs. the whole semester, and just talked. I lost track of him for a while after that, but we found each other on facebook and we've been talking. He is very much a lone wolf, he lives alone and doesn't go out much, although part of it is he has a lot of very very serious chronic medical conditions. He thinks he won't make it to his 30th birthday. He seems to be adjusted to this, says he has had time to acclimate to the idea, he's been sick since he was young, he says he wishes he could make it so his mom and me would not worry for him. He has come to visit me at my university a few times (he's 40 min away or so) and a while back, he wanted to take me to see his gaming group (we are both horribly nerdy) but in order for it to happen, I would have to spend the night at this, place, as it was early in the morning. I told myself it was MIKE, so it would be fine, I'd known him for years. So I was lying on his bed next to him, we were just talking about something, and he suddenly just looks down at me (he's super tall, over 6'4" to my 5'5") and he said "if you don't like this, just smack me" and then he took my chin in his hand and tilted my face up and kissed me. Gently, but he kept it up, I was so surprised, I started to breath funny, and I think I was shaking. He stopped and asked if I was alright, I was in shock pretty bad. I asked a little later what that was supposed to mean, and he gave me a non-answer. I've only been with him once since, and he took me to his little restaurant he haunts, the staff all knows him, and when the hostess told me I was beautiful, he turned to me and said "told you so." and the server was grinning the whole time, he seemed really pleased. I payed for myself, since I though this was us eating as friends, but he kissed me clumsily real fast once we were outside, then acted like he hadn't again. He did say something else about me being pretty though. That weekend was the last time I saw him. He has been off, more distant or something, which is kinda normal, he can go for months of radio silence. I am just very confused, he's 24 now to my 21 and I am wondering, does he have feelings? He's only had one relationship before, he's been too sick, and I am wondering if his health and the distance are stopping him from making a move. I am scared he was just fooling around, even though I don't think he's the type to do that, especially not with me. He's very snarky, in a blunt way, but he says some odd things, like one of the things he can't really smell at all, but he always says he can smell my hair and it smells good (which I gather is a guy thing) Do you think he might be not asking me because he thinks he's dying and doesn't want to ask me when he might not be able to be there for me? He isn't answering his phone for me, I'm scared to lose him and confused. Help! Thanks.


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What Guys Said 1

  • He wanted you more than friendship. However, he's probably not capable of keeping a relationship going since he has to get himself straightened up. His health being the highest priority. Or perhaps, he decided to move on and seek other girls.

    Who knows. Maybe he's not keeping pursuit of you because he doesn't feel you like him that way, romantically.

    So what can you do about this? Well, try to keep the contact going. If you want to stay friends, keep at it. Call him once a week or whatnot just to stay in touch. But if he can't bother to answer the phone, or get back to your phone calls, then let him go. I personally hate it when I try to keep my friendships going when certain friends of mine don't return any effort in kind. And I view good friendships to function the same way relationships do - where both parties contribute to it and make it 50/50. So if he doesn't keep in contact, wait for him to initiate it back whenever he feels like it.

    It sucks to lose friendships but that's the way it goes. Few = you keep for life, while many others you move on and find new friends.

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    • Thanks Phoenix 52! I agree with you 100% on any type of relationship being a 2-way street :) I pretty much have decided he will contact me when and if he wants to, as has always been his pattern, so I'm just letting him chill in his batcave for a while :P I guess more than wondering what to do I am just confused as to what he was thinking and what made him decide that course of action made any sense at all O.o Thanks again for your through response, and it's cool hearing from a fellow phoenix :D

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