It's our first Valentine's Day, why would he do this?

I'm so very sad. This is our first Valentine's Day. We have been dating for 5 1/2 months. He lives 1 1/4 hours away, not that far, and wasn't working today. He had his son this morning & after school, but he could have come to visit tonight. He didn't. No card. No flowers. He text me & sent a picture of roses to me on my computer. Later, I get a text from him complaining that he was keeping his son late because his ex had plans. I replied "lucky her, she has a Valentine's date." No response until much later saying he wasn't sure if she did or not. I didn't respond because I'm hurt. I do not want to be a baby, but shouldn't your first Valentine's Day together actually be together or at least be acknowledged or something?

I have never had a Valentine's Day as an adult because it is my ex husband's birthday and we just celebrated that. So this year I thought it would be something special. Am I being a baby? How should I handle this? Should I just forget it? Tell me to just forget it.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sorry (no I'm not) but I don't agree with the advice that has been given to you. I am big on letting things go, water under the bridge & don't sweat the small stuff. This is not small enough for you to "just let it go". I would not go crazy, sit a cry about it but hey, it's days like this that was created for us to be with the one we love. Days like this is important to us as women so if we just let it ride then what else will we start allowing to "ride".

    I say, mention it to him. Let him know...Hell you cared enough about it to mention it to us, your feelings were hurt and I understand why. I am very much on men side about too many issues but here, I felt your pain because you are in a fresh relationship...Girlfriend/boyfriend. After coming out of a marriage you tend to look forward to having someone that will make a true effort to be thoughtful.

    A man once told me that the cheapest dozen of roses was sent via mms & all the women melted inside texting him their thank you's. That is not enough! I am not asking you to make this a big conversational piece with him but to "not" belittle your own happiness, no matter how small it may be to someone else. Take a breath, hold your head high & no not to "expect" anything from people. Good luck girlfriend!

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    • Thank you, that's exactly what I'm talking about. You feel it too. Thank you. I will.

What Guys Said 3

  • Valentines is a huge fraud, it's no different to any other day, no more special... I'd actually be more offended if they did something on Valentines day for me, because it shows they only put in effort on days they are expected to. I never do anything for Valentines, if I love someone I'm not going to buy them cheap crap which has been discounted for the occasion, and it obviously has no thought put into it, since it's available everywhere. Would you be upset if he couldn't visit you on any other day other than this? Why not? because it's not a holiday and you don't expect him to. I'd forget about it, I'm sure he had his reasons, just because he doesn't have work doesn't mean he hasn't other things to do.

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  • its OK to feel a little bad as it was v-day. but don't let it get you down. maybe he'll make it up to you and do something special later on. after all, he was with his son. its kind of understandable. hopefully he'll make it up to you soon. its too early to pass judgement. just don't let it get you down.. any day can be special. doesn't have to be a certain date 14th feb only.

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  • yeah your being a big baby

    forget about the little things. why didn't you just go visit him. instead of making the man do everything

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    • Because I worked 9-8, and I haven't met the son yet. We have agreed to that, too soon for that. And I did get him some gifts because I thought we would see each other. Just a let down, you know? I think I had some expectations about having a Vday, got my hopes up. Never do that. I won't say anything about it, not worth it, it's my issue. Thanks.

What Girls Said 2

  • what is your relationship anyway? I mean is he the boyfriend or just a guy you're dating? Sounds way more casual than you think it is. I mean, I met my boyfriend online in october, dated him (ie. first time seeing him) in december, in january he asked if we went exclusive and then v day came around. We were awkward but we still did something. He got meow mix and candy. I got flowers and dinner... (the meow mix was a prank gift... he kept saying meow mix for some reason, so I told him, I'm getting you meow mix for v day. He didn't believe me... then he opened it and he laughed saying he didn't think I really would. I said, I told you I would! We have a funky relationship anyway, it's quite playful...)

    Anyway, the point of my story is that it wasn't 5 months in... now, to make you feel better, for our anniversary this year I got the promise of a massage, flowers, dinner, and coupons to round table pizza. That was weird... and no it wasn't a gag gift. For some reason he thought that was OK for the anniversary. Go figure.

    Some guys are just ditzy and I guess we have to teach them or rather tell them what's OK and what isn't. What we'll tolerate and what we won't.

    He knew I wasn't OK with what he thought the anniversary thing was, so the next week I got flowers again and the massage and another dinner... but for v day I got no flowers because he said he thought I had enough of the flowers... oy... I have much to teach this padowan!

    Then again I scheduled a conference during our anniversary so I was in the doghouse for a bit...maybe that explains the crappy gift... lol. I don't know. All I know is I'm glad he's the guy. Tables turned I would NOT have been so lucky!

    Soooo... the moral of the story is TALK to your guy and find out wth?! And if you're exclusive, say dude, what the heck? I didn't even get flowers or candy?! That was not cool.

    See what he says... maybe he thinks you're fwb... god knows...sometimes guys think something is casual and we think it's serious. Obviously he didn't think of you as his girlfriend or he would have done SOMETHING... Maybe the kid makes it harder but he could have done something the day after, no? Or at least by the weekend? (we celebrated on sun instead of mon)

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    • Oh, he knows we are serious. This is no casual thing for either of us at all. I took Ty-Lady's advice & I let him know that it hurt my feelings to just let Vday come & go that way. I didn't get mad at him or anything like that, I didn't make a big thing about it at all. Just said it's our first Vday & I considered it special. He apologized & said Vday has never meant anything to him before & it should have now. He came to visit the next day & made dinner & dessert & we had a re-do. Thanks.

    • oh well see, there you go. They CAN be taught... lol. :)

  • I guess you are a sensitive one. But sometimes it;s not good to put too much on such little things. Maybe you can tell him directly what you thought and what you want him did for you. If he was busy with his son, you could come over and celebrate Valentine with him. He must be very happy about that..

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