Dating a married man, help?

I met this man at Starbucks and we started chatting...well he gave me his number and said he would love to hang with me. Well we have been out twice and he told me on our second date that he was married. I was very pi$$ed! He text me later and said that I was amazingly beautiful and he was OK not having a relationship with me...he said he just wanted a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship and he would help me out financially. I was shocked! He offered me $8,000 a month...

This sounds really bad...but I am very tempted...What would you girls do? I have been to his house and she has already moved out...I just need advice!

Updates:
So he called me last night and asked me to meet him...I said no...I blocked his number...


Thanks for the help guys!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would not be interested in this arrangement on so many levels.

    So, if they are separated and divorcing and he is not hiding you or his dating, that is a personal decision about whether you want to date a man going through a divorce or whether you believe he is being honest.

    As far as having a financial arrangement for a casual sexual arrangement, that would never work for me. I am all about an emotional connection and attachment with a man and would never want to be paid to play.

    For those that think this sounds like a great deal, consider some of the downsides: 1) What if he is being dishonest about his finances and this is just a bunch of BS to get you into bed 2) What are you going to do with yourself when he is not around? It's not like you can date because what self-respecting man would ever want to know he is dating a kept woman? So, you end up with companionship only upon your benefactor's schedule. Worse, you will probably be put in the position of leaving your schedule open and unavailable to make plans with friends or do other things because this guy will expect you to be available at his whim since he is paying you for your company. 3) What happens when he ends this at a moment's notice? If you put career and your life on hold, all of a sudden you are left trying to figure your life out when you have become accustomed to being taken care of. And who in your life would you have to talk this over with? I think your family and friends may be less than compassionate for you.

    So, yes, I would never do something like this.

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What Guys Said 19

  • here's something that at present no one has said

    if he would cheat on his wife (maybe the reason why she moved out) whose to say he wouldn't do tghe same with you and leave you hanging with the bills

    sugar daddy means he puts ytou up in an apt pays the utilities and stuff like that not move into his house.

    as some of the men and women here have said you made the right discession to break it off.

    a good man ,one that actually cares for you will come along

    but if you want tips on how to find a good man let me know ?(and no I'm not volunteering nothing but info) on how to.

    hope this finds you still doing OK even though this post is almost 6 months old.

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  • If you need that money and are willing to, go ahead. If you have some self-respect and don't want to be the reason he cheats on his wife (and he will. Hell, he already has. He went out and found you and went out with you behind her back. You didn't know he had a wife before so you weren't at fault for it but anything after knowing that, you are.)

    Just answer to yourself, "Can I live with myself if I do this?"

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  • Am I going to be the only guy that leans towards no on this? Someone who is paying someone to be with them has problems... It may not be apparent now but its bound to come up eventually. From the outside it may look great, but this just seems to have bad news written all over it. I think it is a lot easier for a guy to say he would do it because honestly in a lot of ways I think we are way below women. For a guy it looks like an opportunity for sex and money which looks like a win, win situation. To be honest I couldn't feel good about myself, and there are just too many potential problems. In the end it is your decision, but I beg you to please be safe! Don't let this spiral into something bad, or potentially dangerous mentally or physically. I would strongly suggest not doing it, but if you do be very careful.

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  • so basically, he's asking you to be his prostitute without actaully saying it...if an older lady offered me 8 grand a month to fool around with her and take her out and I was single..hell yeah I'd take that offer...

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  • WOW, if you need to be advised on this situation, you need to start doing a lot of thinking. If what you wrote is true, you have been offered a monthly salary of $8,000 for being a friend. What do you normally charge to be a friend?

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  • I would do it for a month...

    I could use 8 grand to get myself started in some stuff...lmao and your already attracted and prob would have f***ed him for free.

    kinda a no brainer and all the poeple screaming he must be weird just don't understand how people that are rich opperate...they live like money buys all and it does.

    He is rich and sane I am sure His wife don't give him what he wants. So he is gonna buy what he wants. That's all...are you able to f*** for money that's all this comes down to.

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  • Nobody using this site is getting 8K a month, every month, to be somebody's bitch. I call BS flag on this. How old is he? 80? Then maybe I guess if it is like an Anna Nicole Smith thing...

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  • :) Haha I don't even know you, but I am really happy you did that. I was actually truly worried about you. Best of luck

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    • lol thanks! I am glad I did!

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    • I have met women with money that aren't happy with themselves, and I have met hard working women who are proud of everything they do. I can tell you which group is happier 99% of the time

    • yea the people not killing themselves for a decent wage

  • Do you want him to have a sex with you for money on a regular basis?

    Do you want him to cheat on his wife because of you?

    Just ask yourself those questions and then decide. If I were you, I wouldn't say 'yes' to them primarily because I'd lose my self-respect and dignity.

    In my opinion, you may give up something more valuable than $8000 a month in order to get that money.

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  • Why so many women tell you you'd be a whore yet they expect their own men to pay for everything in their own relationship. I think it's because your arrangement is in the open while theirs is not, so they can lie to themselves. There are lots of hypocritical whores out there!

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  • If this is actually real your retarded if you don't do this, everyone who is saying not to do this is speaking out of context.

    Why let this idiot keep his money if he is going to give it away like that.

    You're looking at 96k a year just being this guys boyfriend on the side. People who have college degrees don't even make that much money. Imagine having somewhat of a normal job on top of that.

    You can be doing 100k a year easily in your early twenties.

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  • if you do this I recommend laying some mutually agreed ground rule's, like protected sex stuff, what it is he expects of you that kind of stuff. anything that might be off limits or what ever.

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  • So your being paid 8000 a month to hang around and have sex with someone who you like? THAT DOESN'T SOUND TOO BAD!

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  • Nooooooooooooooo. Pull up, Pull up! Abort! Lol. Dating a married man is a dangerous game

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  • You might regret this later, but only you can know that. Whatever happens, just make sure you learn something positive from the experience.

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  • hmmmm now that its been established lets negotiate the price a bit more...REALLY? come on

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    • Cool...not that it makes much difference but proud of you doing that for yourself. Now go find someone that will love you like crazy ;)

  • he would just use you and then throw you away when he get bored

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  • Glad you did what your conscience told you to!

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  • you don't have to be a detective to know something's strange here.

    one, I wouldn't do it on principle, but still... that much money? what do you even know about the guy? at least do a background check.

    (his poor wife.)

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What Girls Said 20

  • The way I see this is that he is definitely not a good man since he is married. Second, I don't understand what you mean by "she moved out"? Are they divorced? If you take his money people going to say "she's a gold digger" and to be honest with you. We're women do not just worth 8,000 a month. We worth more than just money. I would really suggest you get out of this thing because it got worse. And plus I'm sure you're young and I just don't think this is a good idea at all. I can't tell you what to do. This is just my opinion but don't let money gets in your way of thinking. I know that's a lot of money but you have to look at the long run and the consequences you might get yourself in and then rethink if $8000 is worth it by then. Good luck

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  • I'd dump him. I don't see this relationship going anywhere. Basically you would be his personal prostitute. If you're fine with that, then go for it, but if you have some self-respect for yourself, you will go and find a man who will respect you and love you

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  • good that you said NO...sth weired was going to happen. Money is good when you work for it with your own sweat, but when the price is your dignity and self-respect it is better to walk away and be glad to know that all the gold in the whole world can't buy a nail in your little finger... I am glad that there are still girls like you in this world, thumbs up and you can say out loud that money doesn't buy everything in this world :)

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  • I wouldn't how could you have that on your conscience. You do know eventually he's going to want more, possibly more than your willing to give. If you don't start it's easier to get out of. I will admit $8000 is a lot of money but you basically becoming the equivalent of an escort or a prostitute.

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  • that's a whole bunch of sh*t you don't wanna get into. don't prostitute yourself, you're better than that.

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  • Once you receive that first 8k, you will justify to yourself for a plethora of reasons why doing it again will therefore not be an issue. You are only generating an unhealthy reliance on someone else by exploiting yourself. He'd rather pay you eight grand than date you for real. I'd tell him where to go.

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  • its prostitution/escorting. if you can live with it, then do it..

    ultimately, its your decision babe, be safe!

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  • Okay , I'm not gonna lie , that's 8k a month , but , I don't think that you should do that , it's nice to have lots of money , but not as nice then actually loving someone & being in a faithful , commited relationship , Yea it sounds corny but , really you won't be happy , cause he'll just be using you for sex , you don't want that , I don't think your a whore , just be careful , what your doing , he might have other girls in his life too , I just don't think it's a good idea , My opinion .

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  • It is up to you.if you can't resist the temptation ,then just go on dating with him.just be careful to protect yourself and don't get trapped.why not utilize your beauty to strive for a better life?

    If you find this immoral and shameful,just refuse him

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  • Go for it. You already know the consequences yet you're still considering. You may potentially screw up your entire life and not to mention his wife's, but hey, $8000 a month eh? Do whatcha wanna do and let us know how it works out.

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    • i'm assumming that was a sourcastic response

    • what does sourtastic mean? is that a cross between sour and sarcastic?

  • if you are gonna be able to cater to all his expectations and demands for that 8k a month , go ahead. If it sits well with you to be a mistress, more power to you. But don't call it ''dating a married man'', call it ''prostitution''

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  • never ever ever ever would even get myself involved with this. the child that would result would have the most miserable life you could possibly think of. please do not! get yourself out of this situation now while you can. and stop speaking with him.

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  • dont do it...

    your not a gold digger...

    if you really like him you wouldn't take his money.

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  • congrats

    you have low self esteem

    Can't say "no"

    And are tradign sex for money=whore.

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    • I didn't say yes bitch! I said tempted...never said yes

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    • I was simply saying that I was tempted. I could really use that money right now...I NEVER said yes...

    • I would never do this but that is not the same as saying someone waiving the possibility of $8k in front of your face doesn't get you thinking. I disagree that this demonstrates she has less than a good character or low self esteem. In fact, if anything, by her not taking him up on his offer, she is demonstrating she has the strength to say no to temptation. That is big in my book.

  • i personally would let him give me money, but if he tried to go as far as kiss me or flirt with me id cut it off.

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  • i wouldn't do it. its not classy

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  • good for you! you're worth than that. avoid guys like that. the next time you meet someone, make sure that there's no ring involved. separated or not. good luck! (:

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  • Good for you ;-) you're a smart woman and you will know how to be careful from now on.

    Best wishes.

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  • Stay away from this man for your own good. If he's the type of man who would cheat on his wife, then he's more than capable of doing the same thing to you. Plus, it just shows that he's not reliable.

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  • How do you know he is really gonna give you those $8000?

    Plus you just met this man, be careful. You don't know his record or why he seperated his wife.

    Well, G-luck.

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