Having trouble getting back to dating - low confidence and probably acting creepy

This is for guys who have been in my situation... girls can give me some input if they have something to say here.

Basically, I went through a very bad breakup about 8 months ago. It was really bad for a while, like I couldn't sleep and definitely couldn't go after other girls. I'm finally beginning to move on, flirting with other girls, I've even kissed/been with a few. I'm able to find other girls attractive and even have a few hours at a time when I don't think about my ex (this is HUGE progress compared to a few months ago).

My problem is that I'm having more trouble being confident and just satisfied than before my ex. I can be outgoing and I'm pretty good-looking so I don't have much trouble talking to girls. But I've driven away every opportunity I've had so far by either trying to move to fast, sending mixed signals, maybe even creeping some girls out - all just because I really want to move on and I really want someone in my life again (not as a rebound... that already happened).

Has anyone else had this kinda situation after a really bad breakup? Any thoughts/support would be great. thanks guys/girls


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Not just any woman can fill the void left after losing someone we love. I think it works the same way for women. You can have someone OK for a while, but eventually it isn't going to be right and isn't going to work. Every girl you are with doesn't have to be, and in most cases won't be the one. I know you are ready to fill that void and have a special person in your life again. I'm right here with you feeling the same way, but it can't be forced. The right woman will come along who will make you feel as good, and even better than your ex made you feel. Just relax until it comes. Don't feel like you have to put every woman you talk to in that spot. Keep going out and meeting women, enjoy your time with the women you meet, become great friends with as many of them as you can, and when the right one comes along it will all work out. Don't force it. She will come.

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What Girls Said 3

  • To me it sounds like you think another relationship will heal/make you stop thinking about what's already happened. I can tell you it won't, and honestly you have to let yourself heal before you should jump into dating. If she still takes up your thoughts a lot of the time, you're not yet over her. You're not in a position to devote yourself to a woman while you're thinking of another. I know dating may seem like the answer to move on, but it's like trying to force yourself to forget and heal. Emotions don't work that way. However good a distraction may be, it's only that -- a distraction.

    However, If you decide to date, be sure you're aware that it won't resolve things in your past. Date for the right reasons and not because of your ex. You're rushing it likely because you want over your ex, not because you truly want to ease into a new relationship to transition out of being single. In time you'll feel more like yourself without the rain cloud of your ex hanging over you. In the meantime, focus on feeling better and enjoying the freedom.

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  • I think you need to calm down/chill. Just live your life and have fun. You will find the right 1 adventually.

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  • I think you really need to start seeing other people again. See what's out there. You will move on faster if you have somebody else to think about. Try not to send mixed signals, it confuses us girls. In what ways would you say you have sent mixed signals and creeping them out... More info needed, thanks. I know it's very hard to get over a person.

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    • couldn't agree more... having other women in my life has made it a LOT easier. not trying to replace my ex or jump into another relationship like Tank137 said but just seeing that there are other people out there.

      I guess I ask talk to someone and make her laugh and ask her out, but at some point I might act unsure about wanting them or might act too sure and try to move too fast (mixed signals and/or creeping out). and I can't really help it... that's the mess I'm in. what kinda info...?

What Guys Said 1

  • this has nothing to do with your Q. but that's a sweet f***ing car haha

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