Online date...God, sex & dirty talk...?

I decided to try online dating and after 'flirting' with someone I found attractive we went out. We had only started communication a week ago. We emailed, sent pictures and talked on the phone. He is a total christian which is good because so am I. Some of our phone calls got a little graphic and I was excited to meet him. on our first date he brought me gifts kept telling me how beautiful I am and that I am a gift from God. I know he hasn't had sex in 2 years due to his new found faith, which told me that at least he wasn't just out for a quick hook up. But then, when he finally went in for the kiss.HOLY CRAP! He was devouring me! We kind of got into it and then started the dirty talk and a lot of touchy feely stuff. (I don't mind either of those things) but some of that talk was VERY graphic. I was thinking that 's not very christian like. Things got pretty heavy and we would have had sex if I didn't say no. Then he went on about how fu@#ing hot I am and wanted to please me and all that. I told him I've only known him for a week and that this was our first date and that it wasn't going to happen. Tonight we're supposed to go bowling.safe place with people around, but he's not what I expected him to be. I think HE LOVES ME! I swear, I think that! He keeps telling how special I am and that God brought us together and I am an answer to his prayers. How can I ease out of this going any further without totally crushing him? He says everything a woman would want to hear, but when he called and left 6 messages the night before I felt his neediness and that turned me off. I think he will be crushed to hear that I'm not as interested in him as I was hoping. Help me out on this please. What and how do I tell him I'm not sure this is right?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First things first (and most important), I am a Christian too; having the same values and views on things as you would.

    I felt like you, knowing he was a Christian (or at least thinking that based on what info you knew) led you to believe that he was going to respect your boundaries. (rightfully so) You mentioned you decided to try online dating (you sounded a little apprehensive at first) and then were thrilled when you found a guy who treasures the same things you treasure. I feel like you let your guard down before you had a chance to know him better. I know you communicated a lot with him and I'm not saying that you didn't know him well, but not well enough because you hadn't met him in person before.

    Second, (don't get me wrong here, I am NOT saying he ISN'T a Christian, just that he hasn't totally turned around 180 degrees.) He could obviously (work with me here, snap out of la la land for a second) not be a Christian and just be putting up the God front to get to what he wants. It is possible you know, there are people that are like that; but who am I to say if he is or isn't a Christian right?I feel like he is still conformed to the pattern of this world and hasn't been transformed by the renewing of his mind. He still has some of his old ways in him. His past trespassing into sin has affected his/your relationship. He is wanting to get to business now and as you know that is not what God, or you had in plan for that matter.

    Third, because of all this (what you've said and what I've said) do you REALLY think that this would work out? Dumb question, you should already know the answer.right? You can already see this going down the wrong path. He is a smooth talker, and even though you recognize it, you are still being manipulated to some degree. You need to gently rebuke him for his actions; make him realize that if he walked the talk, he wouldn't be behaving this way and wanting to do the extracurricular activities right now. As far as what to say, I can't answer, sorry, God will fill you with his spirit on that one. Deep down in your heart, you know that he isn't the Godly man that was planned for you. I am not saying that he can't change his ways, but he has to fully realize that if this is going to work out, (that's up to you really) he has to do a 180. That's going to take a lot on his part. Ultimately, I think it is in your best interest to end this relationship. You've only known him a week remember, that doesn't mean you're committed to him. Be picky. I am sure that God has someone better for you. Just pray about it.

    Anyways, I am about to run out of room here to type but I would love to continue this. Please, by all means, send me a message. I hope you understand what I said, feel free to ask if you have in other questions.

    Your brother in Christ. Blake (^-^)

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    • Yes, several people have mentioned he could be using Gods name to Woo me. When I questioned his sexual motives and the length of time we had communicated he told me that God had made us to please each other and that we were 'under Gods balnket of protection' and that we were brought together for a reason. I know he knows the bible because he quotes scripture all the time so then I think maybe he is sincere? But NO.....I'm not going down that path with him or anyone so soon. Thank you!!!!!

    • No problem.

    • God's blanket of protection is marriage. Any sex outside of that is not lawful in God's eyes.

      Leveticus 18:20

      "Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor's wife and defile yourself with her."

      This isn't saying you can have sex with anyone but your neighbor's wife, as the verse that says, "love your neighbor as yourself" doesn't mean be a jerk to everyone except your neighbor. the two mean be nice to all, and don't have sex with any one but your spouse.

What Guys Said 6

  • Sure looks like he is using God to Use you. If you ask me stay clear from him. If I am a christian, I am after pure love and will be seeking a God fearing Woman as my parter and would OBEY the word of God and keep SEX for after marriage. If he is a true christian, then he will keep his Dirty Talk and other intimate stuff for after marriage. he would concentrate more on your faith, would talk more about his earlier life and how he came to christ , he would talk his views on serving God after marriage, his vision for future. etc If someone just keeps telling you how beautiful you and that you are a gift from God etc etc KNOW that he is just repeating what he has heard and has done some Good internet research on how to hookup ladies in the pretext of sugar coating it with christianity. Just ignore the bugger and tell him that you are not interested in him. If you are a christian and would want genuinely to help him, tell him about God's Love which we should be practising and anything before marriage is just 'Animal passions of human flesh'

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  • Honestly - I think he's working the religion angle to hook up with you. Did you mention your devotion on your dating profile?

    If he's going overboard and trying to get in your pants, religion or not, he's still someone you should think twice about continuing to see.

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  • As an athiest, my opinion may not count for much but honestly I would be scared. This is borderline "Fatal Attraction" style obsession and the odds of a restraining order are a lot greater than the odds of a wedding ring in your future with him.

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  • Hi mountain-girl

    Sounds like you found a mountain-lion!

    My first comment is that you MUST tell him asap.

    Clearly he has some problems concerning self control but also seeing things from your perspective. I'd have thought that there were mant biblical lessons he could learn from here.

    I think you can only come clean, be honest and describe the process as you've done here. Don't just dump him . explain the series of events and hwo it's turned out. If he's a Christian. he'll understand. Sure, he'll be hurt . but the answer to hsi prayers must be sopmeone who feels the same about him!

    Good luck

    The Infotainer

    PS I met my partner online and we fell in love immediately. It was truly magical.

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    • You met online? My friend was the one that encouraged me to do it just to see what's out there. I actually felt embarrassed by doing that, but realized it's a good way to meet a lot of people. This guy was the only one I responed to and now I've got a bad taste for the online dating thing. Your words of the love you found is encouraging. What site did you use? And yeah, this guy seems to think I'm sent from God and the answer to his prayers. He's a little too eager...maybe desperate...

  • If you are really a Christian, and really want to please God, look at the bible. Some of the advice given is nice, but none of it is backed up with scripture. I commented on someone else's answer as well, but what you should tell him is that "I don't think either of us is strong enough in God to pursue a relationship at the moment."

    You might be saying to yourself, 'What, I am strong enough.', but you might want to think about it. You said you like dirty talk, but in Philippians 4:8 it says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

    Is talking dirty one of those things?

    This may seem elementary, but before you go forward in your relationship, honestly ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"

    I hope you don't think I am being a jerk, this is just what I honestly see.

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  • Tell it to him straight. Either way it would crush him. Its better to get it over now then later on. I do think he just wants one thing and that is SEX and tried to back it up with the christian story.

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    • Interesting.....That thought crossed my mind as well. I just didn't think people would use God and his name like that to hook a girl. He kind of had a weird look on his face when we started kissing.....kind of freaked me out!!!!!!!! Thanks for the input.....

    • I know friends who use the christian story to pick up girls and other stories they use. well if he freaks you out that much tell him the truth you don't want to see him again and find someone else that's my advice

What Girls Said 7

  • I really don't think that there is any way to NOT hurt him in this situation. To me, it sounds like he figured out quite quickly what it would take for you to be interested in him. Relating on the religious views, or even taking advantage of it, and saying what he thinks you want to hear so he gets what he wants. Chances are, he made up somebody that he thought was who you wanted him to be. If that makes sense. The graphic talk should've been a signal that he wasn't exactly who he made you believe he was.

    Just tell him that you're not attracted to him, that's about the only way to make him see that you're uncomfortable with the way he acts around you.

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  • Wow. that sounded like this guy that I went out with. He said all these nice things and said I'm the most perfect person on earth. That freaked me out. I tried to be nice and told him that I would like to get to know him better and not rush into anything (I honestly thought he was a very interesting man so what I said was genuine). But he just didn't get it, so I emailed him telling him more explicitly about how he is making me uncomfortable. I eventually broke it off over email.and he STILL didn't get it. So I sent him a final email telling him that he creeps me out and that he was being way too aggressive and coming on too strong too quickly. Problem solved as I have never heard from him again.

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  • First, it doesn't matter where you met him, as you said it was from an online dating site, freaks are everywhere! He very well could be Christian, and yet at the same time, his behavior isn't!

    Be honest, and tell him, straight out. He isn't what you want or need right now! Honesty is always best!

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  • do you not think is faith talk was to lead you into a false sense of security, and reel you in?

    He should not have acted like that, on a first date or any other unless its recipricol.

    He doesn't love you, he is just lusting after sex with you. Totally different.

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  • I agree to just tell him straight-out.

    He could be lying about the whole Christian thing, or he could be desperate, or just NUTS! Not to say you're not a great woman, but saying he's in love after week is a little crazy, unless he's 17!

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  • Honestly he sounds creepy.like he would stalk you and be pushy and maybe even hurt you if you let this go on too long. I would get out as quickly as possible.

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  • sounds like this guy is really really desperate and needy and it sounds like that's not what your looking for.just tell him straight forward that you are not into him and cut off all contact.he seems like a stalker too not good :S

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