I decided to try online dating and after 'flirting' with someone I found attractive we went out. We had only started communication a week ago. We emailed, sent pictures and talked on the phone. He is a total christian which is good because so am I. Some of our phone calls got a little graphic and I was excited to meet him. on our first date he brought me gifts kept telling me how beautiful I am and that I am a gift from God. I know he hasn't had sex in 2 years due to his new found faith, which told me that at least he wasn't just out for a quick hook up. But then, when he finally went in for the kiss.HOLY CRAP! He was devouring me! We kind of got into it and then started the dirty talk and a lot of touchy feely stuff. (I don't mind either of those things) but some of that talk was VERY graphic. I was thinking that 's not very christian like. Things got pretty heavy and we would have had sex if I didn't say no. Then he went on about how fu@#ing hot I am and wanted to please me and all that. I told him I've only known him for a week and that this was our first date and that it wasn't going to happen. Tonight we're supposed to go bowling.safe place with people around, but he's not what I expected him to be. I think HE LOVES ME! I swear, I think that! He keeps telling how special I am and that God brought us together and I am an answer to his prayers. How can I ease out of this going any further without totally crushing him? He says everything a woman would want to hear, but when he called and left 6 messages the night before I felt his neediness and that turned me off. I think he will be crushed to hear that I'm not as interested in him as I was hoping. Help me out on this please. What and how do I tell him I'm not sure this is right?
Most Helpful Guy
First things first (and most important), I am a Christian too; having the same values and views on things as you would.
I felt like you, knowing he was a Christian (or at least thinking that based on what info you knew) led you to believe that he was going to respect your boundaries. (rightfully so) You mentioned you decided to try online dating (you sounded a little apprehensive at first) and then were thrilled when you found a guy who treasures the same things you treasure. I feel like you let your guard down before you had a chance to know him better. I know you communicated a lot with him and I'm not saying that you didn't know him well, but not well enough because you hadn't met him in person before.
Second, (don't get me wrong here, I am NOT saying he ISN'T a Christian, just that he hasn't totally turned around 180 degrees.) He could obviously (work with me here, snap out of la la land for a second) not be a Christian and just be putting up the God front to get to what he wants. It is possible you know, there are people that are like that; but who am I to say if he is or isn't a Christian right?I feel like he is still conformed to the pattern of this world and hasn't been transformed by the renewing of his mind. He still has some of his old ways in him. His past trespassing into sin has affected his/your relationship. He is wanting to get to business now and as you know that is not what God, or you had in plan for that matter.
Third, because of all this (what you've said and what I've said) do you REALLY think that this would work out? Dumb question, you should already know the answer.right? You can already see this going down the wrong path. He is a smooth talker, and even though you recognize it, you are still being manipulated to some degree. You need to gently rebuke him for his actions; make him realize that if he walked the talk, he wouldn't be behaving this way and wanting to do the extracurricular activities right now. As far as what to say, I can't answer, sorry, God will fill you with his spirit on that one. Deep down in your heart, you know that he isn't the Godly man that was planned for you. I am not saying that he can't change his ways, but he has to fully realize that if this is going to work out, (that's up to you really) he has to do a 180. That's going to take a lot on his part. Ultimately, I think it is in your best interest to end this relationship. You've only known him a week remember, that doesn't mean you're committed to him. Be picky. I am sure that God has someone better for you. Just pray about it.
Anyways, I am about to run out of room here to type but I would love to continue this. Please, by all means, send me a message. I hope you understand what I said, feel free to ask if you have in other questions.
Your brother in Christ. Blake (^-^)0