How old is too old? What should I do?

so I'm 18, and I met this guy online. he's 33, divorced, and has a 5 year old. we have been talking online for a couple weeks and I think I might have feelings for him. the other day he asked me how I felt about long-distance relationships...should I drop him? or is it harmless?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is no way anyone on here can tell you if he is harmless or not. But as far as the age difference goes, it doesn't matter. If you guys hit it off, who cares. My best friend is from the Philippines and he just came back this week in fact. He says over there it is nothing like America where everybody obsesses over the perfect age difference and the perfect height difference and perfect this and perfect that. And the divorce rate there is a FRACTION of what it is in the U.S. I love the good 'ol U.S. of A. But one of our problems is pop culture has taken over. Too much t.v. Desperate Housewives, Nip Tuck, and reality shows. We have checklists instead of love. And you see where it gets us? I am 31 and my girl is 22 (as illustarted). She tells all her people that she is happer than she has ever been, and I can honestly say that I am too. So do your thing and don't worry about nothing else. But I will say this: I was involved with a girl with a kid for YEARS. Make sure you guys are on the same page with parenting because that can get real nasty. And make sure he isn't a murderer. Check the sex offender registries and oh yeah, Nancy Grace. She busts those fellas out cold as ice. Good luck.

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What Guys Said 9

  • 33 is one thing

    divorced is SERIOUSLY pushing it

    he has a 5 year-old, sorry, he's too far gone for an 8 yo girl.

    tell him you refuse but wish him luck.

    seriously, don't do it

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  • he's almost old enough to be your dad, but hey do what you want.

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  • That's too old. He's been divorced and has a kid, to top it off he's past 30. It's not so much JUST the age, it's that you are dealing with a man who's been there and done that, to him you are just a fling.

    Unless you have no self-respect whatsoever, you would be better off ditching the guy.

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  • Too old, won't work out.

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  • rule of thumb:

    (older age/2)+7=or< younger age

    so (33/2)+7=22.5

    so, you are too young

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  • It is not the age that is the problem, seriously it is not, really on line, you have never met him?

    Meet in real life and then see how it goes, and a five year old child - are you ready to be a mother figure?

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  • youre 18 and you're into a 33 year old man who has a 5 year old child...jesus christ...wtf is this world coming to

    i know they say love has no age...but wtf really...think of his motives

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  • he's not to old, you are grown now, even if you are still in high school. the long distance relationship is what gets me.

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  • i think you deserve better, you're still young, you should find someone around your age and start your own family

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What Girls Said 15

  • I won't outright say you should drop him, but I would be really, really careful. I've attracted a lot of older guys in the last few years, but I've never dated one because I decided they were a little too sketchy. Example, when I was 18, I met a 32 year old guy at work that really liked me. Long story short, when you googled his name (which was very unique) there were only two hits. A guy from six states over working the Obama campaign, and an article about guy that killed his brother over a video game fight in a fit of rage when he was 18. The article was 13 or 14 years old. I'm not saying that guy would have ever planned on killing me or anything, but he did show up to work once with bloody knuckles and a black eye, saying he got into a fight with his roommate because he was annoying. He clearly has anger issues.

    Anyway. I say that to say that you can't possibly know all there is to know about this guy. He's in a different stage of life than you are, and you need to ask yourself why he isn't looking to date in his own age bracket. Why did he get divorced in the first place? Was it mutual or dishonesty on his part? Why is he looking for a long distance relationship and not a short distance?

    There could be nothing sinister or dishonest about his reasons for wanting these things, or there could be other reasons behind them. You just don't know.

    If you do date him, don't let him push you into anything you're not comfortable with.

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  • I don't think there needs to be so much emphasis on "he has a kid". I mean it's not like the kid is close to your age.

    Age is just a number, if you love someone and they treat you right it shouldn't matter.

    That being said, if I were you I would not get involved. When you start a relationship. offline or on, it's because you want to be with that person and if your here asking for advice, and you think just dropping him is still an option that tells me that you don't want to be with him.

    If it's not what you want don't feel bad, tell him before you drag it out and hurt him, and yourself more.

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  • Ok I'm 33 I've dated a 18 year old we got along great the only thing was is that yes we did love each other so much but I been there an seen how he would act toward younger girls an I jus couldn't compete.. I did get hurt and I'm still hurt but he has his whole life ahead of him so I gotta move on. Some relationships do tend to work out but really takes a lot to put in it. If any thing try getting with one that has no kids that could stop you guys from going out as a couple,that was also my problem..towards the end he looked at me as a mother figure because a would take care of him..ive always been the big hearted caring type but wow this was bad to see.. but everyone deserves to love no matter what age ,race, gender ,ect. You only live once so have fun and experiance what you can ..go for it ! Good luck sweetheart..

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  • Speaking irrelevant of the dimension of concern that can be involved in online relationships, his age alone poses an issue.

    The human brain does not entirely develop until the age of 23, until then, you are defined as an undeveloped person. A child.

    He has one of his own.

    Age difference should not be a taboo concept, and within certain gaps and age demographics, it is not an issue. You, however, fall into an entirely different category of expectations, requirements, opportunities and brainpower to an individual of 33. You cannot possibly relate to him on the same level as another 30 year old would.

    He may not be dangerous, but this relationship is still not harmless nor wise.

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  • no one can say how this man actually is.. safe, or unsafe. its always sketchy meeting someone online, and especially at such a young age. my boyfriend is 26 there's an 8 year age difference. you sometimes just can't help who you develop feelings for. but you should def put some thought into this. like, have you told anyone or is it hidden? do you really want to be with a man over 10 years your age, are you ready for a long-distance relationship with someone youve never even met, what does he want with an 18 year old girl, is this safe? you just have to think about all of these things and more. what would the consequences be? over-all its your decision. but just make sure you make a good one. for your safety. you just need to be careful is all I'm saying. I hope that you make the right decision. and if it is to pursue this, well, then I hope everything turns out OK and you're safe.

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  • DROP IT!

    Seriously!

    Think about it this way; how far is he behind, and how messed up are his fantasies, when he wants to date a girl little less then half his age?

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  • Awggg you are 18! PRIME time to be hooking up with and hang out with hot strapping young men... not old dudes... who have to pop pills in order to have fun. I mean once you hit 25 you can start dating those guys

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  • people with partners that are either two years older or two years younger than them tend to have a shorter life span.

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  • IM 19 AND MY Boyfriend IS 44 SOMETIMES I THINK ITS HES TO OLD BUT I LOVE HIM AND IT WOULD HURT TO MUCH TO BREAK UP

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  • drop it... that won't be cool..

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  • if you can keep a longdistance relationship I say keep it. if you can't and it is too stressful then I think you should drop him. there is nothing wrong with having feelings for someone who is 33. I have had feelings for a 43 year old guy who has 2 sons my age and a wife.

    I know sound screwed up, but my point is, age shouldn't stop you from loving someone. I know a couple of people personally who are 20 years apart and in love and are married. from what I have seen, these guys have taken really good care of their wifes.

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  • lets see. you're 18, still in hs? freshman in college? and he has a 5 year your old. you ready for that?

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  • They say the rule is to figure out the oldest person you can date... Subtract 7 from your age... Then double the answer... Anyone older than that is too old

    18 - 7 = 11

    11 x 2 = 22

    There's a lot to be said for having feelings for him, but age gaps that size often don't work, simply because you can't relate to each other because of the life experiences you've had. He's probably been out of school A LOT longer than you, has different priorities and because he's already been married he has experienced a lot of things you won't be able to relate to until you've experienced them yourself.

    Age aside... there can be lots of issues surrounding the ex-wife and issues she still has.

    A male friend of mine dated a 30 year old with a kid when he was 18. It didn't work because of issues between her and her ex and they couldn't relate to each other after a while.

    So I'd advise against it...

    But that being said, you've got a lot of life left in you. If you really DO have feelings for him... Why not try it? That way you'll never wonder what could/should/would have been.

    But be careful! :)

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  • I mean he's 33 and already divorced and has a kid. For someone your age, that's a lot of baggage to handle. To top it off he wants a "long distance" relationship? It just doesn't sound like anything good can come out of this. I vote "drop him", but of course the choice is yours. Weigh it out and see if it makes sense to you.

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  • That's old and gross. You are young and with a future that's just about to take off into her career, and he is an old, possible established, man that is probably just looking to have a good time with a young one just as an excuse to make him feel young again.

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