Overcoming shyness before it's too late

Okay so there's this guy that I like and I've heard from many people that he likes me too. The only thing is since we don't have any classes together we only see each other in the halls and wave or smile. We talk everyday online though. So I need advice on how to talk to him before it's too late. But I'm extremely shy with guys, so I find it very hard. Any suggestions or tips on how to overcome it? Please :]


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think there are two schools of thought in dealing with shyness. One is to think about what it is you want to do, to say, to have happen and then envision it working out. So you could think of a few things you'd like to say, imagine the conversation occurring and going well, and then visual the whole thing. Then you can approach the situation knowing what you expect and what you intend to have happen. Having seen it in your mind, it can be less intimidating.

    However, there's a second way of looking at the shyness (which I agree with more) and that is to ignore it. Acknowledge that you feel uncomfortable, but just keep on going. For example, sometimes we are hungry and kind of shaky for food. But that doesn't mean we don't look for food - we just have to do it while we're hungry and shaky. It's a feeling, but because we know what it is, we don't let it conquer us. Shyness is a feeling too - it's fear mixed with sadness at the thought of rejection. Say to yourself "I'm kind of saddened by my fear of being turned down. It worries me that I'm not good enough." You'll be surprised that naming the feeling helps you feel better. Then, even though you are nervous, you just do it.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Most guys love it when a girl comes up, and talks to them. Since you say he already likes you, you already got the green light to go up and talk to him.....You mention all you have together is the hallway 'drivebyes'; what about lunch---is there any possibility of going up to him during lunch and talking to him? or what about before school, or after school? You talk to him online every day, so you should know his schedule somewhat...if you don't then find out. Once you have the chance to talk to him, then you can go up to him and say, 'hey, how are you doing....i really like your shirt/pants/ or anything u can compliment on...'; and then you can ask how his day went at school, etc. Is not that hard---specially when you already know that he likes you. Just do it! Go up, and talk to him. That's how you will overcome your shyness. Thinking about it won't get you anywhere! :)

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  • You just have to think this in your mind. I've found this works for me a lot, "Well, screw it! IF I don't say hi I'm gonna regret it. Also I have to make myself think this, "If she isn't interested OH WELL! There is more where she came from! Same with guys. You need to just be you, be confident. Your going to get some jitters its all in good fun and normal! Just don't let those jitters get to you Don't focus on them, focus on How much you want that person in your life, and how much you REALLY REALLY want to talk to him. It works wonders. It cuts through the jitters and eventually they fade, and eventually your a conversation pro. It's crazy, it took me years to be able to just get it's as simple as JUST TALKING. Thats all it takes. Ya I know crazy huh? It's as simple as eh, Hey what you up to later? I'm doing this want to hang out sometime? IF they want to GREAT a success! If not no need to cry YOU TRIED! They'll regret disregarding your advance at some point. Unless of course you just totally don't interest them. But remember there are going to be guys that are the same way to you right? So just try not to take it so personal, move forward and smile :) .

    AlPiNe~

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  • It sounds to me like you're both kind of shy. You can try to break the ice and talk in person. Or when you're online and "talking" send him a message like: "Hey, I see you smiling at me but you never come over and talk. What's the deal?" Challenge him a little bit and let him know you want to talk. And once he does come over, hang around and talk longer than you should. Be a few minutes late for your next class to show him that you wanted to talk in person.

    There's got to be something that is topic worthy at the school - an odd principal, winter vacation, some nutty teacher, etc. Use a common topic - what you say does not matter much. Just talking that's the key.

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  • I wouldn't suggest practicing on other guys to build confidence since word tends to get around in school settings. This could give him the wrong idea and probably give those guys ideas of their own. If you need to build comfort, try the meeting up that other people suggested. Theres always time before or after the school day when you get out and can probably hang around outside for a bit. Just by suggesting that you two hang out and taking to him more often in that regard, it will help to build his confidence as well. A win win.

    But please please, don't 'practice' cause that can lead trouble when there are many people out there who love drama.

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  • I would say either ask him about something he's interested in and see how that goes. You have been talking to him online so I'm sure you know some things that he is into. If he's an athlete or into sports ask him how the game went, or practice went. If he's in a car guy, try that, if he's in a band, etc. Also, do the two of you have the same professor at all? You could try to start a conversation on that.

    Personally I would love it if a woman that I were interested in came up and talked to me. That would help me determine whether she felt the same way or not

    Good luck

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  • If either of you can drive, ask him to lunch over IM. If you have closed lunches, ask him if he wants to go for coffee or something after school. You shouldn't feel too shy to ask him something like that over IM!

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    • That's true - and then just continue the kind of conversations you have on IM. And don't fret any pauses or silences - it's okay - it gets better the more you know him.

  • I must agree with sexwiseman, guys do absolutely love it when girls come up and talk to them first.

    I find myself in almost the same predicament, just with out the online bit.

    Try to ask him in person, but if you have to, ask him online if he wants to hang soon.

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  • You should ask him out in person, doesn't necessarily need to be for a date, just lunch or something. This will help build your confidence (very important), and it sounds like you can count on him saying yes so there isn't much risk involved.

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    • I agree - I think he'll be very eager to say yes.

What Girls Said 2

  • I've made this suggestion before and I think it works pretty well. Practice on guys that you don't really like first. Then you'll gain some experience, get your courage up and discover that even if you say something silly, the world doesn't stop spinning.

    This is a popular question on the site so I'd search for other "shy" questions for more ideas...Good luck!

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    • That's good advice. She'll probably end up with more guys chasing after her than she ever thought possible.(:

  • There's nothing wrong with being shy. What do you guys says in your on-line conversations? Can you not follow-up on one of those things - maybe even school related (academic question - to keep it comfortable)? That's what I would try to do - get a study session going with you two, and a friend or two if that makes it easier for you, but I'd aim for one on one time.

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