What is your list of red flags during a first date?

I was curious what is everyone's list of red flags for or during a first date?

Updates:
Sorry if I wasn't clear- I'd love both men AND women feedback!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) Visible withdrawal symptoms

    2) Cussing at other drivers

    3) Badmouthing others

    4) Rude to waiter/bartender/strangers

    5) Boring, shallow conversation

    6) Texting while conversing

    Now for girls, I would have to say this guy who hit on my older sister in a bar had a couple red flags. First he came up to her and said hey lets go to your place and do some coke. Then he tells her about how he used to have longer hair; he takes out a picture to show her. Its his wedding picture, and he holds his thumb over the bride.

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    • lol that is hilarious man!

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    • I guess they couldn't go to HIS place and do coke 'cause his wife was there...

What Guys Said 16

  • A red flag for me is Drama.

    I ran into an old friend recently that I use to have a huge crush on. She told me how bad her marriage is, how she really needed to find an exit strategy, and how she has made poor choices in men for her entire life.

    This was drama enough, but she continued on with a story about the previous week of a fight she had with her soon to be ex-husband. How he was drunk and they started fighting and it ended up with each of them pointing loaded guns at each other and shouting, threatening to shoot.

    I swear this is a true story, it is too sad to have made it up.

    Yeah, total red flag: husband who owns a gun" :-)

    Good Luck,

    James

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    • whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! guns!?! wooooooow... that's pretty ridiculous.

      Maybe it's a good thing they are soon to be ex's. Sounds like it's going to be a nasty divorce :/

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    • I agree, it is time for them to get the hell away from each other. There is more to the story but it is too surreal to believe. She had recently hooked up with a 24 year old guy, and then found out he was friends with her 18 year old daughter. So then the guy was after hitting it up with the daughter, and she was threatening to never speak to the daughter again if she went out with him. DRAMA in all caps. I am glad I dodge that bullet back in High School. Sad, but funny.

    • wow. and I thought jersey shore was drama lol

  • 1) Too innocent or Too corrupt.

    2) Lack of respect for themselves/others (Either in appearance or actions)

    3) Untimely (Shows up late, leaves early, etc - without providing a reason)

    4) Poor conversation (Awkwardness / No connection / etc)

    5) Acts like someone they're not (Acting uninterested to make a guy interested)

    6) Isn't any fun (It's actually GREAT to take some risks)

    7) Is investing way too much into me without knowing me at all

    8) Doesn't know how to let things end at a high point

    9) Tries to have sex with me on the first date

    10) Ignores my texts / calls / etc

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • girls try to have sex on a first date?! ew :/ no bueno!

    • "Too innocent or Too corrupt."

      what do you mean by this? :)

    • Too corrupt = does drugs / is a murderer / is dishonest / etc..

      Too innocent = Won't take any risks, doesn't understand how relationships work in modern times, etc..

      Really, what they mean at "face value"

  • Eyes wondering around when I'm talking

    Talks about drama crap

    Little or no sense of humor

    No physical affection (hi-5 at least)

    Interrupts often during conversation

    Expects me (male) to pay for everything

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    • i could see this...much agreed

    • yeah drama needs to be left at the door. I rather get to know them as a person, not their past. you are trying to sell yourself and not let the crazy stuff come out on the first date! :D

  • From most to least important:

    1) Talking about other guys she knows

    2) Texting

    3) Swearing too much

    4) Not laughing at any of my jokes

    5) Not making eye contact

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    • i agree with the talking about the opposite sex. I've had that a few times, kind of awkward :/

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    • lol my jokes are always funny :) But yeah, even a sympathy laugh is better than nothing haha

    • very true :P

  • 1. Swearing alot

    2. Texting while on the date

    3. Talking about random dudes she's been with...

    4. Not being nice to other people

    I don't get why you are against her eating food off your plate? I find it kinda cute, and it kinda shows me that she is comfortable with me :-)

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    • lol I guess it's kinda cute now that I think about it. but I would still feel like a fatty hungy hungy hippo XD

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    • We go with our instincts and order the things we love, and go past all salads on the menu, haha! ;-)

    • haha I like that!

  • In order

    1) No sense of humour

    2) Laughs like a hyena.

    3) Aggressive towards random strangers.

    4) Complains a lot, whinny.

    5) Not interesting (hasn't done anything adventurous/different)

    6) Can't maintain an intelligent conversation.

    7) Can't stop talking about her self.

    8) Doesn't offer to pay even though I will be a gentleman and pay for it.

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    • A sense of humor is definitely top of my list too. I had boring people and even worse- boring conversation :/

  • talks obsessively about how much she loves jersey shore.

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  • cellphone!

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    • yes! I HATE texters! the one person you should be talking to is the person in front of you.

    • people in general who you'll be having a conversation with and they'll keep their phone out on the table in case it rings or they get a text. I hate that!

  • Can't get away from the text machine.

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  • complains a lot

    judgmental/drama queen

    way too serious

    air heads (not gonna take them seriously)

    life revolves around their phones

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  • Can us guys answer, too?

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    • she did say everyone, yo

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    • Haha Oh my god that's funny :P They always do that though.

    • yeah its pretty annoying. now I know why they have more money than me all the time XD

  • Unnecessary anger, rudeness, ignorance or non intelligence, no sense of humor, bad manners, wandering eyes ( that's the big one).

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  • Wow this q was good

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    • haha I just thought about it last night, so I was curious what guys and girls would say. it's awesome seeding the feedback :]

  • Spilling food throws the red card.... Also demonstrating arm farts can do it too

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  • They want to marry me. They ask for money.

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  • These are the main red flags that I look for.

    1) Sluty dressed, or makes it known they are into casual or no strings sex or have had many sexual partners.

    2) Expects a guy to do all the initiation and pay for everything. (Indicator of selfishness or one way relationship and gold digging)

    3) Asks what I do for a living and how much I make. (Both are Indicators of gold digging but to various degrees)

    4) Orders the expensive items off the menu. (A drink or two is fine just not at $40 bucks a glass)

    5) Not well presented: trashy dressed, talking or poor grooming, or turning up drunk, late or not at all.

    6)They bring a friend on the date and expect the guy to pay for the friend as well.

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    • It's interesting how a lot of guys have mentioned paying or offering to pay. I luckily, have always made the move to grab my wallet, but this is an eye opener. I guess guys on a first date do want to feel appreciated :]

What Girls Said 5

  • Bad manners(phone at the table, curses too much, eats with mouth open, no table manners, inconsiderate, not gentlemanly)

    Rude to the service staff- means they treat others' poorly, potencialy a socio

    drinking too much etc.

    also, clearly not giving a care about me.

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    • luckily, I've never had a date who was rude to the service staff. but that would definitely be a deal breaker!

  • Dinner and a movie, assuming he picks me up:

    1. In the car, listens to the music so loud, we can't talk.

    2. Cuts off other drivers/cusses at them/tries to start fights with pedestrians or drivers.

    Dinner:

    1. Chews with mouth open.

    2. Doesn't look interested in what I am saying.

    3. Expects me to pay (though we can split the bill!)

    Movie:

    1. This one is hard- there isn't much you can mess up. You are in a dark room looking up at a screen

    Hope this helped somewhat.

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    • Table manners are definitely important. I can't stand men without manners, how hard is it to chew with your mouth closed? I remember once I went on a date where he ate his food, my food, and icecream and was STILL hungry. A bit of a turnoff especially when I can see your chewed up food from across the table :/

  • 1. trying to act better than me

    2. talking about sex or making jokes about sex

    3. being rude to me or others

    4. not taking me out on a date that shows he spent effort

    5. talking about other girls

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    • I HATE when guys talk about sex. It's very akward, and it seems that as soon as you allow it, the date takes a completely wrong turn :/ I rather that was left at a later time when I'm more comfortable :/

  • Getting angry at waiters

    Checking out other females on the first date

    Lack of manners (eg spitting, swearing too much)

    Taking drugs (like going to the bathroom and snorting up something O_O)

    Being rude to me

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    • someone has actually taken drugs while on a date with you?! -_- terrible...

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    • I wish I could find a girl who would snort lines right in front of me on a date. She'd be a keeper :)

    • lmao @powerpsi

      That's so crazy that someone actually did that and is so aloof to it lol

  • These are in no particular order:

    1. Cellphone

    2. Late

    3. No connection and little communication

    4. Racist comments

    5. Very strong opinions on everything

    6. Money and especially how little they make or bragging

    7. Make me pay

    8. No physical attraction and/or does not look like the picture they posted online at all.

    9. Dress poorly or not groomed very well

    10. Expecting sex or making a lot of sexual comments

    11. Lying

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    • I'm huge on grooming and personal appearance too! It's understandable to be casual on a first date, but at least try!

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