What to do? My first love.

My ex and I dated for a year then we decided to take a break to try new things as we had only ever been with each other, I hooked up and so did she, she claims I liked my hook up and she was just drunk. anyways we did it both not knowing of the others until later, so we thought we did it first, although chronologically I did. I realized hooking up is hooking up, and I thought she figured the same. We then resumed dating with a lot of hardship of those horrible memories. I constantly asked about them, though she did not. About 10 months later, she left me for another guy that she liked and hooked up with. I begged for her back and she said no at first. Then She then told me she cheated on me wiht 5 other guys, at parties. and she wanted me back as her and her hook up were about finished. I realized I don't truly want to be with a cheater. Now, were friends, but she goes out a lot and I still lvoe her, so I get jealous as she goes out with guys alone late at night.

I worry about her a lot and she finds it annoying. But when I tell her I think its best if we drop each toher as we are only hurting each other, she instantly apologizes and claims to be sorry, but never asks to be with me again. Even when I met a new girl who I hung out with a few tiems, she would cry over the phone asking how I could do this to her, even though ironically she did the same thing.

We are around 18, still young and foolish, but she was my first love. She taught me how to love, and I thought I would marry her.

Our second anniversary is coming up soon and I was wondering what I should do, should I cut contact for good? continue talking to the girl to get her jealous? should I give her a second chance and try to get back with her? I still lvoe her and she only wants to be friends, I'm not sure what I want as I don't want to be with a cheateer :S

Updates:
Okay I decided to drop her as her friend, but I don't think I did it the best way :S... I talked to her telling her I can't talk to her anymroe because I can't handle it and that ill never forget what she did for me etc, and at first she was like f*ck you, why are you doing this. now she's playing it cool as if nothing is wrong :o which is what I'm trying to do too atm lol. so do you think a better course ofaction would have been to just ignore her and not tell her straight up I don't want to be friends

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you don't trust her, don't worry about her. In a way, I can relate to the whole "first love" thing and not wanting to let go. I know how when you believe that you're going to end up with someone (even if years down the road), it's so incredibly hard to HONESTLY let go. The advice is to move on, but the truth is that you won't until she's really killed it for you.

    If you were good to her and treated her well, she's clearly not ready for a serious relationship. If the running around she did was to get your attention then you're both not ready for a serious relationship, IMO. She has some issues she needs to work out. Even if she did what she did because you were doing something wrong in the relationship, it still shows a lack of maturity and emotional stability/control on her part. (I wasn't quite so wild when I went through it, and never cheated, but I was looking for a solution to my relationship problems with ONE man in all the wrong places. I did what I did because I didn't know how to let him go.)

    For me, personally, it was the loss of trust which killed the relationship for me after more than a decade. More than likely you're going to have to hit "rock bottom" so to speak before you truly let this go. Otherwise, you would have done it already. Just keep in mind that letting go now doesn't mean it wouldn't workout one day, down the road, when you've both grown and worked through your issues.

    As for how to let go, I say you let go of the friendship as well as the romantic interest. But I think you already knew that. :-) Good luck!

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What Girls Said 8

  • Don't hang on to something just because it was your first or any other reason other than ...it works now.

    This doesn't work for you, right? It wouldn't work for me. She's got some major issues to have cheated on you like that and then adding all this drama to the mix over you talking to other girls. You have your own issues too considering you get jealous with her seeing other guys.

    Oh, and don't try to be friends with a former romantic partner. It doesn't work. You can be friendly if you bump into them but I wouldn't want them as a Facebook friend or as any other type of friend. You demonstrate perfectly why that doesn't work, you two are still getting jealous. You need to end this and move on or you will just be staying in this messy no-man's land until you finally break it off completely.

    Good luck!

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  • As hard as this might be for you to hear, it seems like she doesn't deserve you. It would probably be best for you to find someone who knows they want to be with you and not anyone else. Someone who will truly appreciate you for who you are and won't keep hurting you. A girl who is happy with you and would not even dream to cheat on you.

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  • Just drop her. You need good influences in your life and she just sounds like a trainwreck. Plus she cheated on you, cut her out of your life an stop wasting time on her. There are so many other girls out there that are capable of love and not cheating. stop dwelling on her and move on.

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  • Sounds like you care a little too much about someone who doesn't take your feelings or interests to heart. Why prioritize someone who doesn't do the same for you?

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  • Yeah, I think you should walk away. This girl is playing games, she wants to be with other people, yet she wants you all to herself.. not really fair game is it? Plus if she cheated on you, she never really had your best interests at heart, sorry but she didn't. This was your first and so those feelings will always hang around, but, I know it sounds harsh, but I think you should just tell her to leave you alone, because otherwise this will just carry on and on until you can't even stand each other anymore.

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  • I think you should leave her. You will always remember your first love no matter what but you need to remember what you deserve as well. She isn't treating you right and she cheated on you. If a girl is in love, they wouldn't dream of cheating on someone they love. She might have loved you but she probably doesn't anymore. If she doesn't care, just walk away.

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    • I agree.She acts like you're her safety net.She goes around having fun with guys but knows you'll always be there and she's playing games to keep you hooked.Don't fall for it, she isn't worth your time.

  • cut contact. Yes maybe she is your first love but you deserve something better than that. It just wasn't meant to be. Sounds like you guys would always end up having problems. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

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    • it doesn't matter anymore. What happened happened and now you just have to build a bridge and get over it. :)

  • @ignore her vs being straight up

    If you really care about her, honesty is always the best policy. Even if it angers her, any reasonable woman will respect it, and eventually appreciate it. Let her know your reason.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I love pizza, but I don't eat it any more. Know why? Because it's bad for me, makes me feel awful when I'm done eating it, and makes my pants no longer fit.

    So I CHOOSE to not eat it.

    My point is that you're a grown man who needs to be responsible for HIMSELF.

    Realize this... you're not EVER responsible for the way your girlfriend reacts or feels. That's HER responsibility. All you're responsible for is how you act towards other and how you treat yourself.

    So treat yourself better. Only date women who want to LOVE you instead of HURT you.

    Love your ex, but keep her at enough of a distance that she no longer can hurt you, or visa versa. If that means you need to talk to her less, then you should.

    You know what's BEST for YOU. Pride comes from the decisions YOU make when they're hardest to make.

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

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  • you've already answered this yourself..."I don't want to be with a cheater" I know its hard right now, but in the end if you be with her that will ALWAYS be on your mind, especially if it still is now...i mean 5 different dudes while you two were dating...thats, well, to be honest, whorish

    it all comes down to what makes you happy and what you want in life...you ultimately will make your own decision, with what you said I would suggest to move on and learn from your past

    hope this helps, gl

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  • no...just leafve it as it is...she'll realize she's an idiot eventually...she is the wrong one, NOT you...you are protecting your emotions...good job, noe try to move on! but remember it takes time!

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  • I don't see any positive things she's adding to your life atm. I'm thinking about cutting out my ex, but she didn't cheat and hasn't even have a date yet and I'm already troubling over it. And if we can be friends, she'll be a very good one. But I don't see this in your situation, she's only hurting hurting hurting you! so drop her! you sound like a nice guy, you'll find a new Girlfriend in no time once your over her. And there are better friends out there as well ;) I know it's hard, but it's the best thing to do in your case. And probably also in mine!

    my ex is also my first love btw.

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  • I'm going to shout this (of sorts)

    GET HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE ENTIRELY!

    She is a shallow immature slut and not worthwhile AT ALL. You'll find someone better, move on. She is f***ed up in the head to boot. Tell her to go f*** 5 more guys until she chokes on a d*** like the whore she is and move on. There are FAR better women out there.

    If you're having trouble moving on, focus on school (you really should be anyways), focus on work, focus on friends, focus on hobbies. Don't focus on love or sex or relationships at all.

    Oh and why is your age 35-45 yet you are 18? LIES! :P

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    • thanks haha, uhhhh I just logged onto some account my friend gave me cause I was too lazy to make one :o lol ya I deleted her off fb

  • this is a typical case of "bitch ex-girlfriend trying to manipulate you to make herself feel better knowing that she can have you whenever she wants"

    you just gonna have to realize the horrible truth and reality of the matter which can be painful and very hard to do, especially when your 18 and she was your first love but the honest truth is that how can you be with someone like that? you honestly cannot! its better you just completely cut all communication with her immediately and get on with your life... in a few months you will feel a bit better and before you know it you will be over her... take it from someone who has been through a similar experience. your not alone! a lot of men go through this buddy! anyway hope you do the right thing and wish you all the best

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  • From what it seems, she isn't honest with you, since she still goes out a lot and so on... Perhaps you should cut contacts with her and see where that gets you, get her out of her comfort zone of always having you around.

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  • Man she cheated on you with 5 other guys, f*** that dude, drop her, she's obviously immature and wayyyy narcissistic

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