How do you create a good message for online dating?

99% of the messages I send out are never responded to and I actually put a lot of thought into them. they're relatively short, genuine, I ask open ended questions and bring in stuff that I liked from their profile. but still I get nothing. it's pretty frustrating. so girls, what kinds of messages do you actually respond to...if you respond at all.

also, how many messages do girls really receive? is it possible that mine are just not read because they're 1 of 100 messages in a girls inbox and no one wants to read 100 messages.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's all about the numbers. I had a pretty basic profile and I'm no Brad Pitt. The women I like are curvy to chubby women so they don't generally go on those sites or already have this preconceived notion that all men want sex.

    I look at profiles and only respond to the ones I would actually date. I read over their profile and send them a carefully sculpted message. I could see that some read my message, while others haven't logged on in awhile.

    I waited a week or so and didn't get any messages back. I was pretty picky and only chose a few women who seemed ideal. So I broadened my search. Picking ones that fit the type and took the time to read the profiles again. Sent out a bunch more but got the same results.

    I didn't take into consideration that most women get messages from slimeballs. Short messages like "Got nude pics" or "Want to cam with me?" and have left the site disgusted. Then you have another group that will read your message and check out your profile. They could be looking for ripped pics, fancy cars, lots of money, etc. If you don't make the grade, they won't respond.

    Eventually you get discouraged in spending all this time to each profile. You start to cut and paste a generic message. Sure you add a line or two to make it semi-personal but nonetheless it results in more quantity and less quality. You might get a bite or two from that wide net you threw out there.

    When they do respond they might ask you things like "Why did you decide to message me?" or "How many people have you messaged on here?" and you might be in a pickle. Deflect the question if you can because they do NOT want the truth.

    I decided the online dating site wasn't my thing. I changed my profile to only wanting new friends and then I started getting emails. We would exchange messages for awhile and the women would get frustrated that I didn't want to meet them right away. Or even that I was firm in my stance about only wanting friendship. I ended up deleting the profile in the end.

    Check out these links to help with starting up a conversation online...




    • This is nearly what I've experienced so far to a T. Thanks for the links...they look great!


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What Girls Said 1

  • Well lets see. When I went into the online dating thing I was really skeptical about it as usual and was doing it more out of curiosity. I received about 20 messages in the span of having it up for 3 days (could have been more but I don't remember very well). I only responded to 3. One that I responded just asked me a simple question about why I chose my name. That stood out to me from the others because it didn't seem like an advertisement (guys would talk about themselves and say how they're "nice" and this and that) which gives you away automatically as trying too hard. Another guy I responded to was because he told me he was just looking for friendship and he was planning on moving to my area so he needed some people to show him around. I felt it was a pretty cool chance to get to know someone as a friendship label first and not expecting anything from the start. Another guy asked me about my interests and the reason that I responded to him was because of his profile. He gave about a four sentence overview and that was it. He stated he didn't like to brag about himself and that left me wanting to know more about the handsome creature. My profile was very simple and to the point I didn't elaborate or brag about myself and I was turned away from guys that wrote a page long about all of their positive qualities and none of the negatives at least. Also there were some that put their whole life story which was an instant bore. I would much rather meet the person and find out about all those things and see for myself than to read it.

    • Do you think men would be better served to just put up a profile and forget about it?

    • No, otherwise what's the point of even making one? I have yet to meet a girl in person that has claimed to initiate contact with a male through those sites (I have read on one occasion here where a girl did write to them first...but, idk) The trick to that is to probably not rely on it as your only source of meeting girls.

    • I've had a few dates through the free sites. I've never messaged anybody first. Of course, that was a few years ago.

What Guys Said 1

  • Most women that join online dating sites and actually participate (not just make an account and never log back in) are either looking for Studly McSixpack or Richie Rich. If you aren't really good looking, really rich, or both, then you're just not going to get a lot of replies. Either send out even more messages in hopes of a few replies, or go out and meet women in person.