Why didn't he tell me about it before?

my boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and 4 months now and I just recently found out that he doesn't like to talk to me about things going on in his head or tell me how he feels because of all we will do is fight about it. so he has been keeping things from me for a while now. he doubts that we will be able to get along and he hates that I don't like him going out on his own with friends to places that has alcohol and idiots ( he used to drink and party all the time) and there are things that I don't like hearing, so he won't tell me anything. but I tell him all the time things he doesn't wanna know. I'm completely honest with him. I tell him how I feel even if its not immediately after I feel it, and I don't go places with friends because I already know that he won't be comfortable with it, such as hanging out with guys, hanging out with my best freind and her husband, or going to passion parties with my friend. I respect him enough to not do things for him, and all I do is that he do the same with me. all he wants to do is go to the fair with his friend and see his friends when he is working late night and is behind in his college class. all I do is suggest that he do things differently and he doesnt, but then complains when I'm disappointed in him all the time and wonders why we fight all the time. so why didn't he just talk about thins to me. me and him have worked out all the bad things that have come into my life that affects him. why can't he come to me about everything. he goes to his friends before he will even think about coming to me. I try to go to him first about everything. sometimes I can't because he is working or I am at school. after a year and 4 months, I don't understand why he has never came to me about anything and why he just now chose to tell me that he chooses not to tell me things. that he doubts things between us. that I'm too strict on him. that he won't tell me things just because its a touchy subject. he says he loves me, but I'm starting to think that he doesnt. please help.

Updates:
we had a huge tlk 2day & he broke a few of the rules we have set up for our relationship, such as no going out too late, no drinking, no lying, & being honest with the other person no matter wat. well he did all 4 of those in one night. last night actually. aftr our long tlk & him telln me tht I should trust him more because he ain't gunna go 2 a friends & b dum & or go out with his friends & b dum tht he should b able 2 go 2 bars with friends & trust tht he ain't gunna drink, he did just that last night
he took off frm his house at 1am right aftr he got off work & went 2 his friends house. not only did he share a personal email with them tht was private between me & him, he drank, stayed the night there, & this mornin wen I called him he lied 2 me bout where he was. then aftr our long tlk 2day, & me tellin him tht I'm actually startin 2 trust him, he tells me bout his night & I was so close 2 leaving him tht he started crying like crazy. he is stressed out 2 the max. I'm relieved because I'm usually the
one who is always stressed out bout things and I get sick all the time because of it, and he will pile stress on me knowin I'm already upset bout things & I get physically sick frm it, I think its about time tht he gets sick frm the stress. idk, I may be mean, and I do love him so much, I just think that he deserves it this time

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Guys usually think they are sparing the girls feelings by hiding things, when in the end it hurts more knowing they hid stuff.

    When you confront them about knowing something they blame you for not being "understanding"

    Be a bit more open to him. If he tells you something and you hate it, try and look at it from his point of view. Somethings may hurt you but understand them.

    Make an opportunity for him to tell you something. Be like "hmm is that girl pretty? I think she has really nice eyes"

    See if he agrees, then he'll realize he can have a friendship and relationship in one

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    • actually that wouldn't fly with me, I'm bisexual and my boyfriend don't like it, so if I made a comment like that, he would flip. he doesn't even like knowing I dated girls. but I told him in the beginning & we both agreed tht the truth no matter what is the best 4 of us in this relationship, & 2 find out he has been keepin things 4rm me is jus heart breakin especially since I thot me & him had a strong bond. he gets mad wen I won't go 2 him immediately sometimes. so y does he nevr come 2 me at all?

    • I've asked my boyfriend this a few times,and he says he"s scared I will get mad at him for somethings.

      Ive learned once they start hiding things,even if they hide that they broke their diet, the smallest thing they hide,it gets easier for them to hide things.

      Make him feel secure. Show him that you mess up too. He might feel dumb for some of the stuff he does.

  • Hmm well I think he does care but he's still stuck in "lil boy" mode maybe he's just not ready for a relationship or just cant.handle one

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