Do you have any advice for those people who are physically undesirable?

I'm aiming this question at people, both girls and guy, who are considered highly attractive by many.

Being physically desirable must make you feel very confident with yourselves.

But what about those of us who are physically undesirable due to our physical flaws? Any advice for those people who feel like they have no chance in hell of ever finding someone who will give them a chane?

For guys it could be because they are fat or skinny or too short etc. For girls it may be because they are overweight or too tall etc. Some of us aren't as blessed as some people when it comes to physical attractiveness.

So do you physically attractive people have any advice for the less physically attractive people such as myself?

I'm not saying what my physical downfall is because this is aimed at everyone with any sort of physical downfall.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Look.. Right now your focusing on all the "bad" about you, but I bet those friends/family that you have know that there are a lot of great things about you. Those great things aren't being shown to people across the room - that's why appearance is so endearing, you can tell that someone is valuable by a simple look, you don't have to spend 5 minutes talking to them, you know that they already have something you want.

    That's the whole complex of attraction AND of confidence -> Having something other people want.

    If your life sucks, your ugly, you smell, bad acne, no intelligence, you lack humor, and are completely self-conscious.. Most of us would want nothing to do with you in that type of condition. What I would recommend is to do what you CAN to improve yourself.

    Meaning:

    - Develop great conversational skills (Humor / WIT / etc) ; Believe it or not, I have a lot of obese friends that date extremely gorgeous women because they have a great personality, not because they look like super-star football players. Those types of people who focus on conversational skills get along better with the people around them 10x fold, if not more, than an average person.

    - Go to the gym / get acne products / change your wardrobe / focus a little more effort on your hygiene ; Typically speaking from the people I talk to, including friends in real life, a lot of those people are unwilling to change something about them. But what I've noticed is that people in general, don't care about what you HAVE, they are focused on your drive to work with what you have. So if your going to the gym (to improve your looks, maybe slim down or bulk up), versus if you were born with great looks, then your gonna have a much stronger impact on the people who meet you. Because you have a "drive" that you WANT to change.

    - Go after what you want ; Maybe this stuff is holding you back. Maybe it seems impossible to overcome.. But when you reach your goal of being more social or "looking attractive", etc.. Your gonna feel a lot more confidence within YOURSELF.. That's something that you can't just throw away as if it's meaningless.. It's that personal accomplishent's JOURNEY that makes you more confident, not just playing the role of being great with women and/or being attractive.. It's more about the path one takes to get to their goal, overcoming the obstacles, and putting in the hard-work.

    Lastly - there's people with physical disabilities (formation of bones/etc) that have issues like this.. My advice in this scenario, is to work with what you have and follow the advice above. Do what you CAN, don't sit around grieving about it. Saying your not good enough isn't going to attract any extra people into your life, but showing them that you don't f***ing care and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to succeed, WILL bring more people into your social life.

    Best of all, take care and good luck man.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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What Girls Said 3

  • i hated it when I was hot. shallow guys, guys who just wanted one thing, the type of guy I was looking for was not available. now I have toned way down and just changed everything and guys want the hot girl back so just be confident and don't think anybody is out of your league!

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  • Well having low self confidence definitely has never done anyone good..

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    • that's the one thing I do know.

  • There is someone for everyone, and it is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. (my friends give me crap constantly about my fiancee... who isn't as "pretty" as me) And beauty has it's ups and downs. Yes pretty people can "get laid" easier, and are usually more confident to approach people. However, pretty people, especially girls, get used quite often. When someone approaches you, they are doing it because of your looks. Knowing you are not considered attractive you know that any affection you do receive is a valid attempt to get to know you better. I had a much easier time dating when I was 'ugly'. I rarely got hurt then.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Most of the beautiful people in this world work really hard at it. They spend tons of money on fashion, haircuts, etc., or a ton of time at the gym / exercising, so I just want to begin with the point that a natural "10" is probably unheard of.

    Just because you don't have an amazing base to work off of, doesn't mean you can't pick the right clothes, hair, scent, etc. that presents you best. It might mean getting style tips from female friends or classy guy friends, or hiring a fashion consultant for a few hours, or something like that. However, if there's one thing I've learned from scoping on women all these years, it's that presentation definitely makes a difference. Right down to the little details, like how long your nails are.

    Some physical things you can't change, most you can. Short or bald are definitely difficult to work with; at least there's a lot of girls who go for bald, but if that's your hand, so completely bald no lame-ass comb-over. Actually I feel really bad for short guys because I feel they have it the worst of all men/women in the dating world. Again though, most stuff can be helped just by your style of dress, like fat girls shouldn't wear tank tops and skinny guys shouldn't wear muscle shirts.

    I used to get rejected for things like "I prefer broad shoulders" or "you need more meat on your bones" so I quit playing soccer and spent my time eating, drinking protein shakes, and the odd weightlifting (like once a week). Over like 9 months I went from 150 to 200 pounds... I hated forcing myself to eat and resented that I had to change, but I also had to accept that love is shallow in the beginning. My dating dry-spell was motivation for me to blow my BMI out of the healthy range, but sure enough, girls noticed.

    So yeah, it sucks that you have to work hard to look good, but men, women, society is shallow and we can't change the rules of the game. Don't be too resentful of that fact.

    Also, don't go too far the other way. Don't end up like those plastic-surgery plastic boob bunnies or a steroid junkie with shriveled pea testicles. And of course keep developing in other ways, don't become a jersey shore moron or one of those ditzy valley girl types.

    The hard work does pay off, if you can stay committed to diet / exercise or whatever, but it's a lot to do with how you dress and even smell.

    And though I've focused on the shallow physical crap here, most of all, it's important to stay positive and believe you are doing this for yourself rather than to meet the shallow standards of society. Exercise, being fit, it's all very healthy.

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  • I'm confident (mostly) in my overall looks, yet I have just as many issues as the next guy. Do I think I'm attractive? Yes. At this very moment, do I feel that I could walk up to that "perfect 10" and make an impression on her? No, I do not. Again, I have my fair share of issues that drag me down, give me anxiety, and basically cause me trouble. Life is fair *enough* that I have trouble just like everybody else.

    Also, I do have hope after taking a look at myself and stuff that happens a lot to me. A couple of rhetorical questions: What "type" of person would you say I am based on how I look? What assumptions would you make about me? Would you think that I'm either always with a girlfriend, or have my choices with girls? Do you think I have life better than a "non-attractive" guy?...however you answered those questions to yourself, I'll say this about myself- I identify more with the nerd or geek crowd, I'm more of a quiet or loner person with few friends, I'm not loud or obnoxious about myself, I have my own self-esteem issues, I've had my share of feeling hopeless or like I'd never be able to have a girl I really wanted, and various other things about me that are opposite of "how I look". So if I don't fit or act outside of my "look", wouldn't the same be true for others? And that is what gives me hope that people are adaptable and can be accepting of me.

    So yes, I do feel grateful that I'm moderately attractive. It would be wrong of me not to be glad I'm me. But I also am no more or less better off than anyone else. I have insecurities, I have regrets, I have improvements to make. My advice to you would be to 1) Make sure you don't compare yourself to me, or assume I'm well off. My looks don't give me much outside of the benefit of the doubt when talking to a girl, or a reason for me to feel good and confident about myself. But none of that matters when I can't feel it for myself. And 2) Don't worry about what I'm doing, I have my own issues to deal with. Worry about you and showcasing the best you, I'll do the same about me.

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  • Focus more on your personality, and don't expect a perfect 10 girl. I'm ugly as f**k and in high school, I had girlfriends who were considered attractive.

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