How do guys feel about dating girls with a kid?

[Anonymous]

I am 24 and have a daughter. I have a bachelor's degree in business and a good job. I support my daughter and myself. I was just wondering how guys feel about dating a girl with a child?

[Anonymous]

From experience with this personally as a guy who has dated a woman with a child, I know there are men out there (with and without their own kids) who won't be concerned with dating a girl with a kid. However, often if the guy does not have any kids of his own, he doesn't really understand that by dating you he is also dating you and your child. He may eventually learn this, but initially, he'll just think of dating someone (you) who happens to have a child - not too much different than dating a girl who has blond hair. When eventually, the guy who has never had kids, discovers what this really means, and the level of responsibility that is required, it made be far into the relationship. That's why it's important to be very honest at the beginning with yourself and with him about what you expect from him.

First, be honest with yourself. Are you looking for a man who is interested in helping you raise your child (children)? If you are, but you just don't want to say it because it sounds bad - then you are not being honest with yourself. Next, once you are honest with yourself, you need to tell him exactly what you are looking for from the start "I am looking for a man who will want to help me raise my children, are you open to that?" Then depending on his answer, you can decide if that IS what he really wants (or if he is just saying that to keep things going). You have to decide if you think he's the real thing, if he's going to be committed, and if you get the feeling he is not, then you should probably go back to being single.

In many ways, while is it great to find a guy who has no kids to date, it might be better to look for a guy who does have experience raising kids. I had no kids before I got into my relationship, but I see that if I had, I would have known what to expect and would have been better at helping her with her daughter. A man who has kids already is going to understand your needs better than a guy who doesn't have any kids of his own. He's going to be learning from the both of you and it's a tough and frustrating process for all people involved. If you do decide to take on a guy who has not had kids, at least make sure he is a guy who REALLY wants kids and is excited about getting to know your child or children and wants to spend lots of time with you AND them! If you start to get the impression that he is only interested in you, and thinks of your children as an obstacle to your relationship - you need to really question things and if this is going to be healthy for you and your children.

[GoodManDave]

I admit, personally it would give me a lot of pause. But that's me.

I adore children. But I want to start out with someone who is inexperienced with certain things, so that we can have fun learning that stuff together.

If I can do the diapers, and get them into school, and go through the potty training, and burping, and feeding, and all the stuff that you learn to grow with the kid, then I feel more confident in what I can tackle. If it's all done for me, then I don't feel like I get the true experience of learning as much about life.



I'll admit, sometimes it seems pretty shallow, but it's also about the experiences my wife and I would have. If she's a 35 year old divorcee with 2 middle schoolers, she's at a different point in life than I am. and those differences might make things harder for her and myself in the long run.

Sometimes, with a divorcee, if the ex is in your new husband wife, boyfriend and girlfriends life, it becomes more of a strain on the new relationship. I know of a few ex wives (and 1 ex husband) who are nasty people. The new relationships are damaged by the stuff that these exes are trying to pull, and are constantly stressed out by accusations, legal trouble, etc.

At the very least, as a guy, if I become attached to the child (I sometimes do), then you there's a bad break up with the woman, you've not only possibly hurt the woman, and possibly yourself, but you've hurt the child emotionally.

I admit, I would have to think about it very hard before I got involved.

And there's some very lovely women who have children, who deserve respect and love and compassion from a special kind of man. I'm just not at that point. But who knows? Things can change.

[A-R-Norman]

Those concerns are MORE than understandable, and not shallow at all!

[A-R-Norman]

A family oriented guy, or one who has kids might. It is rare that a single man will take on a woman with kids. If you find that guy, and he is a good person, hold on to him like you found gold! I do know of one man, handsome, good worker, good spirit, who took on a woman with FOUR kids--but he loved her, and wanted a big family...so it depends yes, a lot on the guy...

[lolypop]

I think that a real, true man would still want to date you if you had a daughter. On the other hand, some men will only want you, therefore they might see your daughter and think that you will only be worrying about her and not about them (the man).

[vortexofdoom97]

I sort of get your point but I guess, I have to ask how you would know what a "true" man would do.

[lolypop]

Well... LOL... by true man, I meant not a person that will dump you in 2 days. To define the true man ... it really depends on the person... What I meant was like a sincere, nice, guy... not what you had in mind...

[lovebird01]

It depends on the guy, and whether he wants an "instant" family. I would think that any guy who is attracted to you, would consider that part of the relationship. There is no way to separate the two. So if he loves you, he will love your daughter. I speak from experience here. I am in love with a girl who has a four year old. The baby's father abandoned her when she was three months pregnant. I am older, and have already raised three other daughters, and now I'm going to marry her. (I'm divorced) I already accept her child as mine. I would actually like to have another baby with her, too! Children add to a relationship, I think! Or maybe I'm just a family romantic? BTW, I'm the guy below who stuck his foot in his mouth with the money comment. I've received good advice from two members of this forum about that! Thanks to them! This forum is useful!

[DeanW]

Do you think already having kids makes a difference in how you view it?

[roten27]

I am a single male with no kids. I would have no problem what so ever dating a women with children. The only thing that would change for me when kids are involved is that I would be a little more careful to make sure that things are good between myself and the mother of the child before bringing in the child because I would not want the child to get attached to me if things are not going to work out for me and their mother.

[A-R-Norman]

Very valid point!