Why don't girls aproach me at bars?

I thought I was good looking but I just drink by myself in the corner...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Cmon man...go socialize a little bit in the bar.

    Imo...a bar is one of the easiest places to approach women. Why? Because the line "what are you drinking?" or "let me guess...you're drinking a (insert drink name here), right?" are the EASIEST openers to use. We all know those first words are the hardest things to say when approaching women.

    Trust me...ppl usually love to talk about what they like to drink.

    Once again Mr. Anonym...go out there & socialize. "Girls just wanna have fun"...& being in the corner all alone & not talking to anyone is NOT the image of being fun. Who would want to ruin their fun to talk to some unapproachable person?

    Not me, not you, & not any girl that is having fun @ a bar. :)

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What Girls Said 31

  • Most girls in bars expect the guy to be approaching them.

    Another thing is don't sit in the corner. I am not the type to approach a dude typically but I did ask one cute guy to play pool with us to make our teams even, he was sitting close enough to the pool table that I didn't have to go out of my way,but far enough away that I didn't think he was a creep just sitting there to look at women's asses.

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  • I'd rather approach the interesting guy, who's talking to people and average looking, than the good looking corner recluse.

    If you're not interesting, good looks won't save you. Play pool, talk to other people, sit in the middle of the room. Try approaching some girls too. Don't put all the onus on them, because then you'll only have yourself to blame!

    You could also going to places other than bars to meet girls :)

    Pick up some other hobbies and pick some random things to be knowledgeable about, find conversation starters... Be interesting :)

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  • Maybe because you're alone in a corner it puts them off and they think you want to be alone :) To me, if I saew a guy sitting in a corner and a guy in the center of anywhere, I'd automatically feel that the one in the corner would want to be alone- since being in the corner to me, gives off the impression that he doesn't want to be noticed and just wants to stay in the shadows :) Whereas a guy in the center gives off the vibe that he doesn't mind being noticed, and may probably want to have someone join him :D

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  • Be confident! No one's going to notice the lone man in the back of the bar because their unsure about him. Is he taken? Does he want a relationship? Be confident. You don't have to be the life of the party- but you should start with a few compliments, and away you go! Make the first move- no one will be sure until you try!

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  • dont drink in a corner. drink in the middle of everything. stand at the bar. be more proactive in meeting people

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  • So you want girls to do what you won't?

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    • ...wtf, this is retarded, why the hell won't you approach? I hate all you women who think we need to do all the work...you say "if you want me come get me"...so what, you don't want any of us, why the hell should we do it all...its gotta be 50/50

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    • Yes but I told them to f*** off basically.

    • They weren't the girl I wanted...

  • because we kinda want the guys to approach us

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  • cause you're f***ing ugly link kidddinggg,it's cause they think you're sad,not fun,and need to be alone.here's a step by step:1.put down your drink 2.stand up 3.go up to a girl 4.talk to her

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    • I agree with most of your comment...but in a bar of all places, there's no reason to put down your drink. :)

  • Get out of that damn corner! lol

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  • approach the girl.

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  • maybe you need to approach them. You know most people don't approach good looking people because they have no confidence or they think since you look good you'll be taken or somehting...

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  • Well the first thing you need to do is start going to bars with FRIENDS. No one is going to approach the weird guy eyeing everyone off in the corner!

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  • you were too cool for them

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  • ~Creepers stay in corners!~

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  • I don't usually approach guy's at the bar for the simple fact I believe they should be making the first move - I don't want them to buy me a drink or anything but just to even strike up a conversation I leave that to them!

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  • why don't you approach them?

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    • Cuss I'm there to drink.

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    • if yorue there to drink then use it to your advantage...when your at the bar (before going into the corner) give a girl a $20 and say here, this ones on me, I'll be over there if you'd like to chat, if she doesn't come over then shesa bitch, she at least owes you a 5 min conversation for you buying her a drink

    • Buying a drink does not equal conversation.

      You want to buy conversation call a hotline.

      Asking to talk equals a conversation.

      Buying a drink to get a conversation is manipulation because you want her to feel like she owes you.

      You didn't buy that drink to be nice but because you couldn't come over & talk so you had to force her to owe you.

  • "I just drink by myself in the corner" No offense, but I think you have your answer.

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  • approach them let them know your interested at least by looking ttheir way , their not just going to come to you .. make a move , your at a bar for a reason start pickin up girls

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    • To drink not to pick up girls.

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    • NO. Ewwwww.

    • The hatred you seem to have towards women is slightly off-putting and the need to have a girl approach you when you're alone at a bar shows your lack of confidence. In other words... you need a girlfriend buddy :)

  • Get away from the corner and get on the dancefloor

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  • i think its because your in a bar!

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  • Are you ugly perhaps?

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    • More like hotter than f***.

    • describe yourself?

  • dude, it's a bar. don't sit in the corner like some loser. if you want people to approach you, then you have to be approachable. get out there, walk around, mingle, make eye contact. but DO NOT sit in the corner!

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  • It's because you sit in the corner by yourself. Girls will think you're weird. Get a friend to go with you as your wingman and approach the girls, don't let them approach you.

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  • Don't you have friends?

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  • because you creepily sit in the corner and watch as they don't approach you

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  • LOL, I don't know why but this question amused me :P

    why not approach them yourself? xD It's very unlikely for a girl to approach a guy herself...

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    • thats true, but if she does you kno she's way more likely to be super chill...just sayin

  • I don't have much experience with this (in fact, none, actually). But wouldn't that make you look like an alcoholic?

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    • HOW DARE YOU! I DRINK JUST AS MUCH IF NOT MORE THAN EVERYONE ELSE I JUST DO IT BY MYSELF AND QUICKER

    • Don't forget the corner part... :P

  • read a book on how to approach women

    now if you want to try it, go ahead and try this:

    say a compliment to a woman who seems single

    ask her why her man is not around and if she says something like, I don't have a man then go ahead and tell her wow she's too beautiful to not have a man and that you'll be her man for the night and you'll buy her a drink

    once you buy her a drink and she's sitting with you go ahead and try to figure out her favorite color or music, whatever

    if you guess it right tell her that you win a date or whatever... once you guess it right ask for the phone number and promise to call right way, as in a few hours later text her your name and that that is your phone number

    the next day text her what she's up to, ask her out for another drink

    so and and so forth

    not that I have ever had this done to me before, usually my friends already set me up with a date before I go to a bar, maybe you could do that so you don't seem lonely! get a date first... just saying.

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    • This is hilarious! I hope no one seriously tries this load of crap, and as for those books... MAJOR ripoff!

    • its not a book that will help, its not how to approach women that's the problem...the problem most men have is starting the conversation and keeping one going...approaching is the easiest part of the entire thing...there are books that help you understand conversational differences btwn men and women (you just don't understand by deboah tannen)...but um as far as approaching - its as simple as standing up, walking over and saying hi...its the conversaition that needs to be worked on

    • Themastaplan understands it perfectly. But I also would like to add that many men who "choke" in conversation, tend to avoid approaching down the road because of the discomfort from previous approaches.. So in turn, these "PUA books" don't really give you confidence They just encourage you to GET experience. But I don't think the answer's comment is completely bogus, if you exclude the reference to books then she's got a solid conversation starter.. And best of all, she offered her help for free

  • Because they expect you to approach them...

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    • exactly!

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    • And I'm not refuting that people agree with your answer.. I'm just saying that from my perspective, that people are agreeing with it because it's extremely uncomfortable for a woman to approach a man. Out of most women I talk to, 99% of them will always say: "Do you think I should __?" with a guy before they take the intiative upon themselves. Not because they want my opinion or some help, but because they want the confidence to take the risk. Which is what guys do a lot of, still to this day.

    • It also depends on the person too. I have done both, and I would say being pursued is much more flattering, and I enjoy it more than putting yourself on the line just to not know what the outcome will be.

  • Most girls won't approach a guy.

    Some girls will, but that's not often.

    If you're worried about coming off as a creep just be friendly, bars a social environments and you're safe to mingle.

    Patience is infact a virtue, even though the saying is cliche

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What Guys Said 30

  • Women don't approach based on looks.. They approach based on what they can assume of your value.. Like the feeling you give them, or how there's a thousand women around you and it sort of draws you to them. Now look at what value your expressing: Sitting in a corner rather than socializing (a bit creepy, to be honest, considering your at a social venue), drinking (which yeah, your at a bar, but if you drank water or something else I'd think 100x more highly of you ESPECIALLY seeing as your at a bar)... We could go on and on about what presumably is going on.. but now let's look at why other guys are seeing results.

    Remember that jackass player that seems to "always get the women".. This guy isn't walking up to a girl and hitting on her from the moment he sees her. That would just alienate her and make all the other women "weary and cautious" towards him. Instead, he's going over and having fun - being light and playful.. Basically, he's showing his adventurous side which makes him come off as fun (which we all like), confident (cause he doesn't care if you "like him" or not.. Fact: There's plenty other people in the bar to talk with if things go wrong with one person)... It's all about his mindset which makes his actions -> He's going in with the idea of becoming friends and nothing more. That way he's not getting all twisted about what he's "getting" from women - which then allows him to be less jaded on what he can "offer" towards women. Think about it, are you more prone to be a social bug when you are upset? No your not, that's why going in with no expectations is a great thing. If a spark happens later-on you can act on it. And think about it - do you REALLY want every woman in the bar approaching you? Innately yes, but think about what this will do to your night later-down-the-road.. Your gonna go to the bar and you won't be able to have an ounce of fun cause all these women will be crowding you. When you finally find someone you like, she's gonna have to fight for your attention so hard that it'll eventually push her away.

    Look man. You want results? go get them. That's the only way until you really understand how attraction works. A great method which everyone has said a thousand times is just to be more social. If you look like a friendly-attractive guy, you will get 1000x more people talking to you than by sitting in a corner of the bar. Get out there and introduce yourself to everyone you bump into. If anything, this is gonna increase your social status by getting you out there. If your introducing yourself you don't look half as intimidating as you do as the "creepy uncle sam" staring from the corner of the dance floor.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • wow, gud answer :D

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    • That's game?

      Shouldn't be friendly & confident be common knowledge?

      Do most men really not know this?

    • Most men go in with the idea of "hitting on women" or about "closing the deal" right from the get go.. As the old analogy goes: "Don't make someone a priority when they make you an option"... And to be honest, I suffered from that mindset for years before I figured it out.

  • when I was your age even though I was a goodlooking guy I had trouble with the same thing... I would either stand at the bar looking at the crowd band or not and just scope out the sceane wondering the same thing... Until this waitress friend of mine explained to me,lol...

    That girls think that guy's that are at the bar not mingling and being wall flowers are pathitic looking... She knew I was not pathetic but she said that is a huge turn off because I'm in a public place pretty much thinkingh to myself " Oh yeah she's hot , oh look here she comes she's coming oop there she goes..."

    Chics don't want some dude alone in deep thought , that's just psycho ! and creepy to them just as well as it is for a chic on her own ... your wondering what's her deal? if she's all quite and isolating , not too attractive..

    Girls want to have fun and some man that is exciting, HINT: most chics look for personality , doesn't matter how a person looks... lokks last .4 seconds! Until they hear or see another guy laughing and having fun ( that is what very inviting to them or anybody )

    The wallflower looks like he is unsure which you are that's why your asking us... and mostly look like a drag... because all they see is some guy trying to look cool holding his drink like some rock star , and all's you end up doing is holding yourself at the end of the night !

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  • girls don't usually do the approaching. if you want there attention you're gonna have to make a move.

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  • men approach girls. it the a gentleman and chivalrous thing to do. that is why it has been done that way forever. breaking ice and making the first move is awkward for everybody, confident or shy. and so we do it for them so they don't have to carry that burden. just like we open doors for them. just like we run out and get the car and pick them up at the door if its raining. etc. they are not men. they are special and should not be treated like men but like ladies. I know the new age metro sexual male don't view things this way usually. but one thing that will never go out of style is being a real man. so we approach so that they don't have to. if they don't like us then we accept that and politely move on. we don't talk $#!T or have a poor attitude about it, we just move on.

    try that and don't get discouraged if the first one doesn't fall in your lap. just keep trying. you will see.

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  • because you're sitting in the corner, by yourself...make it look like you're a good time and go out with some people...

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  • Most girls (and it's a large majority, as it has a biological basis) prefer that the man initiates.

    This is true even for those girls that are confident and comfortable in approaching and talking to men flirtatiously. They still prefer the man to start it.

    Men that are uncomfortable with this should either overcome that (really, the preferrable way) or look at less anxiety-producing ways of meeting women (waiting for that 'special moment'? online dating? arranged contact? pick your poison).

    One thing is for sure, you will never meet the special someone if you are not meeting anyone, so be sure to be social in some form and meet new people more often if you want a relationship.

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  • Ok, I'm kinda in the same boat as you, but I mean I don't sit in the corner drinking alone. I try to go with friends.. and I try to be out in the open, and try to seem happy/friendly. I don' think girls really approach much period, but you'll have a better chance if you don't try to hide away. Be out in the open and try to socialize with friends, or something.

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  • Being good looking is really more of a deterrent than a bonus when it comes to being approachable by women who are very rejection-conscious creatures. Being a wallflower or "the background guy" usually means you'll be forgotten relatively quickly. You must engage a "Set" at some point and spark up a conversation.

    The best approach is usually just to walk up and say whatever's on your mind (DO NOT USE A PICK UP LINE). The worst thing she can do is "reject" you which doesn't really mean anything other than "not right now, thanks". If she does, who cares? Even the most sought after guys get rejected (i.e. objected to) commonly. The only difference between them and you is that they know it's nothing personal.

    Take it from me, being good-looking is an overrated quality when it comes to meeting women and really just gets your foot "in the door" when it comes to what women want.

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  • the girls all hit the nail on the head. It is the guys job to go out and be social. In the corner you look like the loser, which I know you probably arn't go say something stupid and funny to get the ball rolling. "Do I look gay to you? I was walking here and some dude grabbed my ass. Weirdest thing right?" get the idea, stupid, funny, it breaks the ice and gets them laughing. Do this to any group of girls in the room, guys can be the group too. Once people see you having a good time floating around the room being friendly with everyone girls will approach you in their subtle ways.

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  • why don't you approach girls in bars? now multiply the reasons by ten and you have a woman

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  • It's usually the guys who do the approaching... unless you're a:

    A. celebrity

    B. friend of a celebrity

    C. really wealthy & popular guy

    D. family ties popularity

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  • Pay attention to your vibe. Are you standing in the corner with your arms crossed and a smug look on your face that says "my fear of rejection and entitlement issues connected to events in my childhood preclude me from doing what every other guy in the bar is doing - approaching and speaking to women".

    Trust me, being the best looking guy in the place will actually work against you as long as you drag around those emotional issues.

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  • Dude go with a friend or friends, women aren't gonna approach you if you're by yourself, the last thing they want is to be creeped out when they're out so showing up and having a good time will attract them, but never go out solo' having muscles doesn't hurt either

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  • Have a big pile of cash on your table. That will attract all females in a bar.

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  • wake up and smell the coffee

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  • Get out of that f***ing corner!

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  • this is why I hate being male

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  • That's your job dude. Go for it!

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  • Girls/women like to be approached. That's tha natural way.

    Men should make the first move, show they're confident. A man should be a leader, an alpha male, so he choses the women he likes, he doesn't wait for the woman to approach him.

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  • Practice emptying your glass without tilting it, or using a straw.

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  • I think you should be the one to approach a girl. There's no harm in trying man!

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  • because what girl wants a guy with no balls to approach the girls he's interested in?

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  • beacuse everybody at bars think others would approach them.

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  • girls will aproach you they seem to be more willing when they are more intoxicated but couple things, being in the corner is just stupid it gives off a sign that your weak. think of all the negative stereotypes associated with them. You also look like a better catch if you have been talking to people, all you prove just sitting there is you got enough money to buy beer.

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  • greet some girls wen you are in bar nd den drink...so dey will feel at least you are nt sad...if you are cool dey will surely come to u...

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  • being in the corner is bad. being in the corner while drinking is gross.

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  • TROLLLLLL

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  • in bars, girls normally won't approach you. girls go there for having "fun". they don't go to look for men most of the time. they usually consider it ons's or fwb's

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  • Bar is for guys to do the approching and why are you in a corner

    corners say leave me alone

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  • because that's the man's job, if you know what I'm saying...we approach them and they make us sandwiches lol

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