How to find out if a guy has a girlfriend without tipping my hand that I like him?

Hi, I like this guy at work, and for the most part we only really communicate at work about issues related to work. But,he does talk to me about things like his family, a new promotion that he said for me to keep secret, so I feel like he views me as a friend/confidant etc. He's really nice, and even if I email him after work hours, even saying "no rush" he normally replies right away because his email goes to his work blackberry and technically could ignore it until the next day, he always replies. Even when I ask things that aren't his area he works on it for me, but no one else in my department. So, I feel like we're more than just co-workers, and I hope he might have some interest in me. But, my issue is, how to approach this topic of if he's single without giving myself away. I just don't want him to feel weird that I like him if he's not interested in me becuase I don't want him to totally pull back like some guys do if they aren't into you and now don't want to even be friends anymore. He has asked me a few times about my recent name change and he now knows I was recently divorced so maybe that was his way in asking me my status...but I don't know, I'm so dumb in that regard. I was in a 5 year relationship, then broke up, met someone else online that I was with for 10 years, ended up marrying and divorced and so it's been 15+ years since I've had to start over new so it's just awkward now and I'm 35, I'm not young girl anymore. Please help, I appreciate the advice. thanks.

Updates:
Ok so I broadly mentioned him having a gf/wife etc. his reply was was phrased with significant other...so I am assuming that means he is gay perhaps since it would be shorter to say GF/wife unless he doesn't want me to exactly know it would be Boyfriend instead. Oh well he's a nice guy, and he's still a great friend. I never had one thought in my mind he might be gay. Thanks guys for your advice, at least I found out now before I was deeply invested in him!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When wondering if a co-worker has a girlfriend/boyfriend, the easiest and highly efficient way is to assume they have a significant other and ask about them. "Do you and your girlfriend often go anywhere during summer?", etc. It's an innocent question and if they don't have one, they'll surely tell you.

    ~Distant

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What Guys Said 2

  • I think you should be willing to take the risk of letting him know you like him, if he chooses to avoid you that's a sign of immaturity. Open communication is the best way to find out about these things and its 2011 anyway. There's nothing wrong with outgoing self confident women and personally I find them more attractive.You should ask him out for coffee and see what he says, even if he has a girlfriend its just coffee. It really sounds like if he had one he would have mentioned her by now.

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  • The trick is to be outgoing and assertive while shopping around but still be conservative and sparing with that deep investment until all options are explored.

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