Are men afraid of me? Why is it, that I never get the guy that I, in fact really want?

What is so wrong with me! I'm nearly 21, a virgin, and an actual decent person. The guys that I always find attractive, and that I always have mutual chemistry with, almost always end up already having a girlfriend. which in any case, leaves me heart broken falling for someone who is already taken that I can never have or he'll almost never make a move. The guys that do approach me or usually twice my age, lazy and don't value me as worth taking seriously, or are guys who I have no attraction/chemistry with. Why? I'll never put a guy down or dismiss the courage it takes, because I'm sure it never gets any easier for men to approach a girl, but I'm tired of being the girl who always finishes last. What the hell! Is the problem me? Am I not good enough? Are men afraid of me? Should I just jump off a bridge? Or are these men just punks/losers? Any thoughts, tips, experiences, and/or stories are all welcomed!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Because you are still pretty young, it might be that the men you are interested in are looking for easy girls to play with. They might (rightly) assume that you should be treated with more respect than that. Just focus on becoming the woman you ultimately want to be and trust that when the right guys comes along, you will be ready.

    Good women are few, and the number of guys that want to date them are many. There is nothing wrong with you. And there is nothing wrong with being selective. Be patient. Flirt every now and then: it's good for you. And just trust that the right guy will come.

    And the more you socialize with groups of guys that you find attractive, the more likely you will pair up with a good guy. So go out and socialize more. It has the added bonus of keeping you from getting bored or lonely.

    • Thank you! I try not to feel bad sometimes, but I'm only human, and approaching my 21st birthday next month, and growing up older, not any younger, has lent itself a little bit of an identity complex on my part. I just wonder, If I'm like a loser or some type of freak. why wouldn't someone be attracted to a good woman, but you're totally right, and I do appreciate your wise words, and advice. I'm not desperate or pathetic enough to want just anybody, that's part of the reason why I have waited.

    • Take this time to learn how to handle these emotions in a healthy way. It will come in handy someday when you get married or have children. And take advantage of this time to live exactly the life you want to live. There will never be a better time to find out what makes you happy, than right now. Whatever you do, don't look at a having a singles status as being any indication of your value. No man can give you value. And no man can take it away.

    • that was deep, but ever so needed. thank you, sincerely. you must make your man awfully happy!

      Jamaica Outttttttttttttt


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What Guys Said 2

  • i'm 23 and in the same boat

  • Sounds like simple bad luck to me. Just don't give up. Do you approach guys ever? If not try that. You might end up picking the right guy that way.

    • I think I approached a guy once, ever in my life, and even then, it was mostly a cop-out, because I had mutual friends confront the guy for me, and then I just kinda came in and confirmed it, to discover the verdict. In other words, I have never approached a guy, confronted a guy with my feelings, or any of that. I don't even know how to do that? Even more, I don't want to appear unsexy, masculine, desperate, or too aggressive, because at the end of the day, we're only people, and you never know

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    • Well f*** you're making me feel I might as well continue on with forever alone. ha ha I don't even know what to say to a girl passed hi. It won't work to well if I go up to a girl say hi and walk away. Or maybe it would with that dumbass hard to get bullsh*t.

    • No, no, no! You're totally taking my words out of context, thanks to technology. I'm trying to help you see your own worth, and to believe in yourself. All I'm saying,is If you yourself, aren't even confident in your own abilities, then why should anyone else be confident in your abilities!? You've got to learn to "walk the walk and talk that talk! C'mon, man! You can do it, and the sooner you start believing in that, then guess what, so will she, whoever she may end up being. Good luck!

What Girls Said 2

  • Most guys your age are not looking for anything serious. and you seem to be the type of girl that is suited for serious commitment. If I was a 21 year old guy I would be your friend but that's it because I'm trying to get laid and you're not with that. You might have better luck if you look at guys in the 26-32 age range because they're more likely to want to settle down because they're out of that party mode.

    BTW project confidence in your body language and dress really cute. Surround yourself around the men you want to be approached by and do things that interest you

    • Thanks! Ironically, I almost always get approached by men who are older than me, but I'm apprehensive to take them up on their offer, because I don't want to get taken advantage of, by someone who is wiser, with more life experiences than me. In other words, I don't see how much we would truly have in common other than sex? Considering I'm just starting out, and they're not.

      Jamaica Outttttttttttttt

  • I'm in exactly the same position.

    I have no advice for you really, other than to keep on keeping on. Keep going and don't let this spoil any potential relationships.

    I have found someone I'm really interested in but he's extremely confusing and mysterious and you're never really sure what he thinks. Worst part is, he's moving away in 10 days and off to university pretty soon too, so hey I always finish last too.

    • well, have you ever, at least spoken to this guy? Do you know him at all? People are generally only confused for one of two reasons: they like you or their playing you. In my situation, I cannot have the guy because he is already taken. So I had a pretty good excuse, I guess, not to confront him in the first place. Besides, I clearly have sh*tty look anyway. However, If that is not the case with you, then what is your case, If you don't mind me asking? I chicken out a lot, how about you?

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    • In your situation, the best piece advice I can give you is, let him go. It may sound corny, but when you, "really love someone you let them go, and If they really love you, they will return back to you." Not much different from, when you really love someone you can't just be their friend, but you love them enough to accept the fact, that you may never be with them, as much as it hurts. Let him go!

      Jamaica Outtttttttttt

    • I can't let him go, he's become the weakness living in me very quickly.