My mom won't let me hang out with my friends if they're poor?

She says that I need to have friends who are "more like me" and "in the same socioeconomic class". This is her excuse for why I can't hang out with some of my friends. There's nothing wrong with the parents, just that they don't have a lot of money and one of my friend's parents have tattoos.

I try to explain to her that those aren't bad things, but she doesn't understand. I even tell her that if something bad were to happen, I could just drive myself home (I have a car), but she won't listen. It puts me in an awkward position when friends invite me over and I don't have an excuse to say no. What should I do? I'm sixteen if that's important.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Your mom is actually right. But not for the reasons you think. It's got nothing to do with "something bad happening".

    This is really hard to explain, because it involves some truths about the world that frankly, you're not ready to believe at 16.

    I really hate doing this, because so many kids just won't listen when an adult or a parent says "Just because" and can't explain further. Or worse "Trust me on this" and won't say any more.

    I can just say that I was in a similar position as yourself, around the same age. And I didn't listen to the good advice of my own parents either, and had to find out the hard way what it was they were trying to tell me, but couldn't.

    Your mother is right on this. It's not snobbery. It's not class fear. It's not the fear that you'll wind up doing drugs or getting into trouble. It's something you haven't even considered, because it's not in your realm of experience yet. And at 16, you still think there's nothing outside your realm of experience that you don't at least know something about. You think there's no more shattering insights like "There's no santa" left to be made.

    But there are. Trust me on this.


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What Guys Said 2

  • My first reaction is that this is a joke, but I guess it isn't. Your mom has serious issues, and that's no exaggeration. What a horrible way to teach your kids to treat people! Hang out with these people, and lie to your mom if you have to. But whatever you do, don't be ashamed or sorry. This is 100% your mom being WRONG. do me a favor...ask your mom if she minds if you mention this in front of other grown-ups when she's there, since she thinks this is nothing bad to tell you.

    I think you'll find out real fast that she would be REALLY ashamed to be in public and have you say "mom, why won't you let me hang out with anyone whose family doesn't have as much money as us?"

  • I once was told by my ex-girlfriend, who was a psychology major and loved reading about sociopaths, that most of the famous serial killers in history were raised by their mothers only (no father around).

    I am beginning to see the correlation...


What Girls Said 4

  • i tend to avoid people who are richer than me because I'd have to deal with their parent's attitudes.

    i'm a hardworker, put myself through school instead of depending on a rich parent.

    having money doesn't mean a person's better, aka paris hilton. who has a lot of money and hangs out with only rich friends but devoid of any real social education or understanding.

    once you have independence then you can do as you wish. I wonder when the world will be less bigotted. I could say more, but I've censored what I'll say next. rich people are not any better than poor people, sometimes they are worst. she wants you to be in a circle based on social economic status. but richness in monetary value does not imply social understanding or education.

  • tell your mom she's a shallow bitch and that its your life and your friends, do what you want. don't listen to her

  • 1) Change your age to Under 18, click "Contact Us" and tell GAG to change it.

    2) Have your mom meet your friend's parents somehow, so she can see there's nothing wrong with them. Ask her why it's so important for you to only hang out with people "in the same socioeconomic class". Tell her that's a narrow-minded way of thinking, and say why. If you've tried your best to convince her then just see your friend during school hours and come up with excuses for why you can't come over, or tell your mom to (since she's the one putting you in this situation). There's nothing you can do until you're out of the house and away from her rules. You could still see your friend, but there could be consequences if she finds out.

    • My mom has met my friends' parents, and they haven't been rude or weird or anything like that. She doesn't seem to have a problem with them until I want to hang out at my friends' houses. When I ask her about the why I need to hang out with people in the same class, she says "because birds of a feather, flock together", and she doesn't listen to reasoning. She just gets angry and tells me to drop it or I'll get grounded or something.

  • no offence but parents like that are what's wrong with society.

    atleast your mature enough to see through that.

    i was raised to not judge people for how they look or rather they're rich or poor or anything. even tho its human nature and I'm not going to lie I do assume things but I don't hold it against the person at all.

    but why is your mom telling you who you can and can't hang out with when your 21?