Is age an issue? 18 year old girl wants a 22 year old guy?

I am an 18 year old girl about to graduate high school. I started volunteering ever week at this soup kitchen run by the local university students to find a new crowd as I'm kinda done with high school. There's a guy there who is 22 that I like, and who is really friendly with me (and everyone else mind you). We've already hung out once before (after volunteering I asked him for a coffee, he paid for me). After talking I feel like we have a lot in common, and he opened up to me about his past, etc. I feel like we are a good match, but I'm wondering why he isn't picking up on my signals? I'm attractive, caring, and a good listener. Is it wrong someone who just graduated high school to date someone who just graduated university?

Updates:
I volunteered with him yesturday,and afterward he asked me out for a coffee!We spent 2 1/2 hours in the coffee shop,connecting over really deep topics like what life means to us,etc.Afterwards I casually asked him if he was seeing anyone,and he said "no, the girlfriends in my past have all been crazy and have messed me up...I'm trying to recover".Now I know that was an obvious hint,but I went there anyways, and told him I'm available and not crazy. He said he "didn't think it's a good idea"! :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not a problem for you to date a guy who just graduated college as long as you are not under the age of 18 and you are not still in high school. It's only an age difference of 4 years.

    You asked him out for coffee. That's a pretty strong hint. He paid for your coffee, that's a good sign. Hopefully you did the courteous thing and at least offered to pay for your own coffee and thanked him after he paid for yours.

    Hopefully you followed up after coffee with a text message or a phone call telling him you enjoyed hanging out with him for coffee and that you appreciated hearing about his past which was intriguing and interesting to listen to. Basically, I am hoping you did that and I am hoping that he at least has your number. If both of these aren't the case, read on.

    1. First thing you want to do is get him to ask for your number. Notice how I said "get him to" which implies that you should NEVER give your number unless he asks for it. If he doesn't ask, hint that you want to give it to him by saying something like "Hey you are a cool guy, I wish we could talk more often when we don't see each other face to face." If he doesn't understand that hint he is either 1. Gay 2. Not interested or 3. Doesn't have any game and is pretty clueless.

    2. Tell him that you enjoyed your coffee meet and he seems like a fun guy. Then tell him that you hope he's more interesting besides just when he is having coffee with you. "Hey you're an interesting guy over a cup of coffee, but how about next time when we do something else besides coffee? hopefully you are!" <-- See what this does? You are NOT asking him out on date (WHICH IS something you should NEVER DO) yet you are suggesting at the possibility of a future hang out session and you are challenging him or keeping him on is toes that he should be interesting all around. You seem like the one whose not desperate and that you have the feminine sensibility to test the waters with every guy who "seems" interesting enough to hold your attention. This...is what you want.

    In both the steps above you get him to ask for your number and you get him to ask you out without actually volunteering that yourself. If he is NOT interested, then you save yourself the embarrassment of having asked him out. Even if he was interested and you asked him out, you set the way for how everything will turn out. Since you'd be initiating, you'd also be surprised why he doesn't call or ask you out on his own which will almost always happen, because you made it that way from the start. So don't ever do that. The key is to hint and be subtle about everything and if the guy doesn't react properly to your signals, you can move on.

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    • No offense, GuyAdviceFromGuy, but all that seems like the complete opposite of what she should do. Pretty much, you're telling her to use all these mind games. And I'm pretty sure there's a general understanding amongst everyone that mind games do not work for a healthy relationship and, frankly, really suck. There's nothing wrong with giving away her number to a guy she likes, or asking out a guy. There is something wrong with moving on just cause a guy doesn't get your "subtle hints".

    • TigerRose, I actually agree with GuyAdviceFromGuy to not really ask him out but give him LOTS of impression that you'd want to go out with him, you're super interested (but in no way in love) and you think he's cool.

      Its not extreme mind game as in ignoring him and never contacting him. Guys (no matter how little) have a desire/want/need to figure things out and go after what they want. This way the guy usually ends up giving the girl more credit/value.

    • Tigerrose: Oh I see, so why don't you just go to a book store, a library, or even a bar just strut your lion mane and wait for girls to come up to you and give you their number. Because that just happens all the time doesn't it. Better yet, why don't you just put ear plugs in and put a blind fold over your eyes and ignore every subtle hint a woman gives you...yea do that, every guy should do that, so more and more girls can sign up for gag and wonder why every guy just can't pick up on hints.

What Guys Said 10

  • honestly... for ME age is no big deal... as long as its legal! If there's a connection, then there's a connection and you can't control who you're into. For me, being 27, 18 is a little young just because at that age you don't really know what you want in life and I don't see any foreseeable way I could have similar interests... she'd be looking to go to college and having a good time right when I'm just trying to settle down. But when I was 22, 18 was fair game. hope it anwers the question. it's possible he's just not into you like that and only sees you as a friend? no clue. sorry.

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  • my cousin is really similar to you, yeah some of our fam thinks its kinda weird but I don't think its that big a deal

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  • Nah age is a total non-issue. But it is to some people. I wouldn't think it is I mean a 4 year difference isn't that big.

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  • I agree with everything the anonymous user said, except what he said about a 19 y/o dating a 16 y/o. I think that's a bit weird. I think it depends on the age range - if a 10 y/o dated a 13 y/o, that would be weird, but if a 25 y/o dated a 28 y/o, that wouldn't be weird at all. It's mostly about the level of maturity - there's a huge difference between a 10 and 13 y/o, but not as much as they get older.

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    • @Update: That's great that he asked you out :D! It's a shame that he's been hurt, but why don't you try telling him that you like him and you'd like to hang out with him more often, and if he wants to go slow you're fine with that. Something like that.

    • Yeah, I though it was great, excpet he doesn't think it's a good idea. I figure there's three reasons why he would have said no to me:

      1. I'm too young

      2. He's not physically attracted

      3. He really is trying to recover (which I think is total BS, his last relationship was in November!)

      It's weird though, because after that it was really awkward, but then he continued talking like nothing happened. Which I guess is good, I'm just really disappointed. I'm afraid to mention anything again.

    • 1. Could be the reason

      2. Probably isn't the reason

      3. Well, you can't say that, because some relationships can take a long time to get over, especially if they were really bad ones.

      That's good that everything's normal now. Maybe continue to go on these kinda friendly dates, and see where it goes. Don't get down, cause you never know what can happen.

  • I'm 22 and I would love to date an 18 year old. however I go for 4 years. If I turned 23 I wouldn't date a 18 year old girl.

    I think he treats you well if you don`t get the reaction you want from him, he may just simply not be interested in you more than a friend. And he may think your two young for him, especially if there`s a chance he has a younger sister that`s 18 then you may remind him of her, and he just wnats to treat you with sisterly love.

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  • i don't think its an issue

    but if you think about a 22 year old guy going out with a 18 year old girl sounds fine but if you reverse it to an 18 year old going out with a 22year old guy doesn't sound as right

    but if your happy then go for it

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    • i think you mean 22 girl out with an 18 year old (in reverse part)

  • No its not an issue I'm 28 and my girlfriend is 39. Id date a 18 if me and my current girlfriend split up.

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  • I don't think its a issue. Maybe he's just teasing you though.

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  • then again the age you are may be difference if he said it wasn't a good idea.

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  • I don't know why age is such a big deal. If it were a 7-8 year age difference + I think it would be weird.If a 19 year old dated a 16 year old. I don't think its weird. if a 20 year old dated 25 year old, I don't think that's weird.

    I don't think its weird or unusual at all. I remember I was in love with a girl I'm 3 years older than and she was love in with me. Her parents thought it was inappropriate and they are 7 years apart as adults. That's weird to me. That's like a teenager dating a 2nd grader. I was ridiculed and such.

    This guy only is what? 4 or 5 years older than? Not big a deal, my parents are the same or 3 years apart, can't remember. But if you're a 7+ age diff. I think it would be weird.

    I think you should go for him, I think he'd be into you but then he may think you aren't mature enough since you're just out of high school which you'd have to prove him wrong. But guess you have to find out.

    Good Luck

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What Girls Said 9

  • Nothing wrong with the age gap.

    Is he definately single? If so tell him you enjoyed the time you had coffee and tell him you like him maybe suggest going to watch a movie? You could leave your number with him? If he doesn't act then he's not interested in that way.

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  • No I think it's perfect! A 18 year old woman with a 22 year old. They say that you should divide a man's age by 2 and add 7 years to get the perfect age for his partner, so you're perfect. This is very common I don't know why you are worried :)

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  • Uhm...me and my boyfriend are 17 and 20. There are a few differences, but I mean it's okay because honestly I'm more mature than he is a lot of the time lol.

    If this guy seems that into you then go for it, you won't know what can happen until you try things out.

    And if you guys are worried about people thinking it's weird in public, don't be. Most people don't care.

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  • Nope. Immaturity levels are about the same.

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  • I think 4 years of an age difference is okay.

    At 18 I was into a 26 year old and looking back...he was too old, but 18 and 22 is okay. Just make sure he really likes you and is not only looking for something physical.

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  • There's nothing wrong with that. I'm 18 too and I would date a 22 year old guy.

    But maybe he cares about your age or see you as a friend.

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  • 4 years is fine. And at 18+, the difference is much less significant than if you were younger.

    I have a friend who is 16, just turned 17, who is going out with a 23 year old and has been out with older guys. I think that her case is one of the "not so right" age differences. Her mother is totally fine with it though. :S

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  • Don't worry about the age too much. As long as you're both okay with it, it's cool. My brother is 23 and his girlfriend is 19. Everything's working perfectly fine. 18 and 22 isn't a big deal.

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  • Nah, that's not so bad :) In fact, that's a pretty good age range

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