How can I start dating again? Is it too late for me?

I am 31 years old. People say I only look like I am 24. I am fun and outgoing. I am also a very positive person. I have a great job and am well educated. I love to cook and being in the outdoors. I also have two children (12 and 9). I am not interested in bringing them into the mix at first. There will be acknowledgement of them, but beyond that... it can wait.

I also Haven't dated in about four years. I had broken up with my fiance and hadn't seen it coming, so I needed some grieving time but also some time to get to know myself again.

I am ready to date, but am finding it difficult. I am not sure where to meet people or how to express interest. I am not even sure I am dateable. Maybe my age is a turn off. I am pretty and physically fit. And confused. Any help would be great.

Updates:
Seriously, you all have been great! This site is really supportive.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your age is not the problem, it is your belief around your age and yourself that will hold you back.

    I divorced at 42 and met someone right away. We were together for 3 years, he broke it off with me out of the blue and it took about a year for me to fully grieve the loss. I dated during the 2nd half of that year and into another full year and it felt completely hopeless. My dates pretty much sucked. I did a lot of online dating and met a lot of guys and either I liked them but all they wanted was casual sex or I did not like them at all but they tried to pursue me. I was so burnt out at several points that I stopped dating but couldn't help myself but to start dating again.

    So, after all this crumminess for 2 years, at the age of 47 I met my fiance in a very unexpected way. I was a regular at his families' restaurant and he and I talked here and there for about 4 months before he finally asked me out. I have several other friends who divorced in their 40's and are engaged now too.

    Point of the story-your age is not the problem, neither would any other aspect of your life be a problem EXCEPT your belief in yourself and how dateable you are. Oh, and patience to know that it can take time to meet someone who likes you as much as you like them. Good luck!

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    • Thank you! Really! I will be patient and not worry about it so much :)

    • Sounds good, but don't feel bad if sometimes you have a pity party for yourself and your lack of male companionship. It's okay to want to be loved and have a special someone to love and to get blue while we are waiting for that to happen :)

What Guys Said 8

  • 31 is young. Get real...maybe not compared to the majority of people of this site who are primarily teens. Butyou act like you are a 70 year old woman who has lived her life. Get real. You say you are positive person...but doesn't sound like it by your add. Your confidence is probably a bit shattered after the break up with your fiance. That's understandable. But they say everything happens for a reason and when one doors closes another one opens.

    Obviously you have children so they are your first priority. Unfortunately some men do not like getting involved with women who have children. Why? I am not exactly sure. I don't think they like the idea that their children are not their own. The classic kid bomb scenario. But don't get me wrong there are a ton of women who remarried and dated with kids already from anotehr marriage. I'm just saying...some guys will judge you because of this. Guys like being the number one priority in a womans life. And if you have kids they know they will come second to them which they should come second...but I'm just saying that's part of it.

    Bottom line don't let that go against you. You need to get out there. Join online dating, do 4 or 5 dating sites at once. The more you put yourself out there the more likely you'll catch your man. Personally I do not really care for online dating sites. I tried it once and I find most women are just looking to have their egos stroked and not actually date. I like speed dating. I went once with a friend about four years ago and was not really looking. And this girl who was like 32 at the time approached me and we totally hit it off. We dated for about 8 months or so. She was a lot of fun. I say do singles events in person-they are the best. You will find someone though honey you may even find a nice guy on girls ask guys...hahahah who knows.

    Regardless of how hot you are its all about attitude and confidence guys can sense desperation and insecure girls a mile away not matter how hot they are. Just be confident, sweet, and don't talk too much--I hate when girls talk non stop...plus try dating guys you normally are not your type. People have a tendency to date the same type of guy over and over...dont pick a dude like your fiance who you ended it with. Why did you end it anyway...seems odd unless he weas cheating. good luck.

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    • I like your answer. I am pretty positive and outgoing, for real. I know a lot can be lost in translation when you read something and not hear a voice. I just wasn't sure what to do to get back out there. ya know?

      I haven't thought about the online dating sites. I could give it a shot. I will also have to look into speed dating. And I hear ya on the dating the same type over and over. I know I don't want to do that.

      And it ended because he was cheating.

    • sorry to hear on the cheating...but yeah good luck to you. you'll find someone I'm sure if you do let me know how it goes. but singles events and speed dating are the way to go trust me. just go with one of your gal friends if you don't wanna go alone.

  • Do what feels right, when you try to fit in all of the cookies in the cookie jar, it doesn't matter how old you are.

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  • maybe me hit me up* (sorry for below comment I ment it to go here)

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  • Go for it, 31 is young.

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  • bars

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  • party

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  • I wouldn't want to date you and many men also would not want to date you just because of your children because men want the children to be their own.

    A Man does not want to be looking after another mans children, plain an simple.

    He wants his own children, children that are his genetic offspring and not that of another man.

    And at your age of 35 it is statistically very unlikely that you will want to have or will be able to have more children in the future.

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    • Sorry just checked the details that your 31, so that doesn't apply just yet, but I would keep it in mind.

  • We can go on a date... Lets fly to Germany first class, rent a car and drive the autobaun, explore the finist German cuisine and take a cruise to the United States- at your expense. Sounds like a plan to me.. you down?

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What Girls Said 3

  • You are not too old at all! 31 is still very young, and a lot of people have divorces around that age if they married young or many people are looking to settle down so there is a good size pool of people your age in the dating scene as well. So I think this is a great time for you to be back in the dating scene. What I would do is try online dating, the bar scene is probably not for you, too many younger people who are just in it to party. You have kids, so you probably want someone who is more stable and is at the part of their life that you are at. They should have a good job and have their life on track at this point in life like you do. You have a lot to offer someone, so don't let your age keep you in the way of finding yourself a nice guy to start seeing. You are smart, good looking, fit, responsible. So why not use those to your advantage. Make a profile, go to festivals in your town, network, see where all the women your age go. Sometimes dating sites have forums and you can ask other locals where is a good place to meet people your age.

    I would definitely try going to those places, and also try the online dating as well. You can screen people and feel them out before actually meeting them, this keeps you from wasting your time seeing someone who you have no interest in or who isn't a good match for you.

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  • Cougars are a hot thing now lol go for it

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    • lol, awesome. Perhaps I will.

  • there's someone out there for you. have faith

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