Why is online dating so hard for men but easy for women?

I am a guy, and I have been single for all my life and I am at that stage to start looking for love. Unfortunately I have trouble meeting the right one because women are so picky. I tried a couple of online dating sites to see if there will be any luck and still couldn't meet anyone. every time I look at some girls profile that says we match I send her flirt or message saying hi and they never respond. I know I may be not be Mr. Hunk but damn I ain't that bad looking either. I feel women and girls have more success in meeting guys than guys do meeting girls simply because they needy, scandalous, desperate for attention, and slutty. I used sites like eharmony, speedating and zooks and they all suck BIG TIME!. So I finally joined okcupid and so far still no luck. Guys can somebody tell me why women don't respond to my messages? Why are they so picky? If you have any experience I will like for you to share it was well.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I was going to post an honest response to this until I read the line "simply because they are needy, scandalous, desperate for attention, and slutty." If you believe this, why would you want to date a gender like that. When I was having a hard time finding the right guy, I never thought negatively on the male gender as a whole...why would I want to date them then? So perhaps women aren't for you.

    And P.S. women are pickier online because they can afford to be. Women overlook a lot of crap in real life because the options are few. Online you get to see just how desirable you actually are if the woman has other options to choose from. The big one being that they're pickier about looks than in real life. Which is to say, they start to judge men for looks to the extent that men judge us every day, all the time. Guess now you know how it feels to have that kind of pressure over something unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Guys love to judge girls hard for their looks, but I've noticed guys like you are terrified to be judged the same way.

    • FYI I don't judge girls on how they look I judge them on their personalty and how they come across men. How dare you say women ain't for me? You just sound like every other women I ever talked to that does show any respect. First of all I wasn't trying to insult any of you I was just keeping it real. I'm speaking for all women I'm just saying majority of you need to lighten up and stop been so damn pickey may be if you were more opended they you will find your perfect match end of story.

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    • i agree

    • 46d

      Here's the situation:
      - many women join for ego strokes and have unrealistic expectations, and no intention of meeting a guy (whether they admit it to themselves or not)
      - hot women get barraged with messages... even average women get loads of messages (hence ego stroke)
      - the only women that are responsive are the desperate ones with baggage and/or severely unattractive
      - women feel that because of this attention (which they rarely receive in real life) that their value went up and can be selective to the point of making no selection

      Many occasions I've had to work hard to meet an average girl in person and almost every case we left the meeting with her more interested than I was and contacting me afterwards wanting more... odd since she wasn't interested. She felt as though she had the higher value cause of all the attention but she didn't realize that when real life kicked in it wouldn't work like that.

What Girls Said 5

  • You're probably messaging women who wouldn't give you a chance in real life anyways. I always get messages from guys over 40, guys who are shorter than the height range I have on my profile, etc. etc. I don't know how picky you are being with the women you message but try to go for ones who are not very attractive and have lots of men after them.

  • I'm a girl, online dating is not easier as a female at all. I do agree w/ other posters that maybe your profile or your messages are coming off a certain way that women just aren't responding to. You think women are looking for the hottest guy w/ money, that could be true of some women but not all. I think both women & men in the online dating world have erroneous expectations. Some not all.

  • not easy for women at all. so many freaking nutcases out there

    • true but I think women have a better chance of meeting men than guys do meeting women

    • Actually it is I created a fake girl profile online and got like a but load of replies from guys all over but hardly any from girls on my real profile and on the fake girl profile I hardly filed out a word on there. So I have to disagree with you on that one. Also I'm not a nut case so please don't think that. And yes I have met a few girls online in real life just not the right one yet.

  • It's not easy for unattractive women. It's easy for women who are attractive because they have something guys want VAGINA. It's harder for men because we're more selective and won't just take any guy just because he's available.

    As for why women aren't specifically responding to your profile, well you are probably less attractive then you think you are. I'm not trying to personally attack you, but you admitted that you are not "Mr. Hunk" (whatever that means) but you also said you "ain't that bad looking either". Not THAT BAD looking? Also studies show men tend to overestimate their attractiveness in general so if you think you "aren't that bad looking" you may very well be unattractive.

    Also your attitude towards women is a turnoff. A lot of guys think that because they try to hide it or say these things out loud, that we won't know when you dislike women but often your attitudes come out in little ways that you don't even realize.

    • Lol, this is actually pretty close to the heart of the matter. Judging from the wording of your question alone, your attitude comes across pretty clear. It almost has a ring of "I feel like I deserve recognition and attention, but I'm not getting it and am irritated because of it.". Not saying that you are thinking that outright, but maybe that's coming across in your emails. Or not, but if at first you don't succeed, don't do the same thing over and over again, try something new damnit!

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    • So if a girl isn't interested in you she's a skank. If a girl doesn't go for a guy she doesn't find attractive she's a skank. I'm sure it's okay for you to judge women's looks but women are skanks for judging yours? And you still can't see why you have no luck with women. *sigh* Instead of blaming women for being too picky, try improving your flaws. The first step is admitting that you have flaws. Good luck.

    • i appreciate your opinions but I don't have any flaws thank you and I stand by my opinion very strongly so with all that said good luck to you and I hope you find right one because in this world men will never understand women.

What Guys Said 10

  • women are in high demand and they are used to everyone coming to them. so they sit there and get a million messages, and then can choose from thousands of us online and in personal life, so they have a huge mate marketplace where as we are lucky to have the stamina and charm to squeeze out a few messages to a couple of ladies every couple of days and 99% of those are not read/deleted/rejected based on your main photo.

    It's how our culture organizes it self. Women have massive sexual and social power and they just dominate us with it, leaving us to fight and work and scramble and hope to be noticed.

  • Sup man, maybe I could help out a bit.

    Yes women do have a easier time in finding a guy then a guy finding a girl...it is like that online, and it is the same in real life. Look at how often a guy has to get rejected before someone says yes? Men do not have the luxury to just look pretty and all the girls just approach us. Naw, that will never happen. When girls tell you that unattractive girls have a hard time...that is BS, because if that was the case why is it that the unattractive girls have a ton of ex boyfriends around, and kids and stuff like that? (I call that baggage, luggage and/or carry on's!) Sure, women are naturally more picker but that is simply because they get more looks and responses from men. They will never understand what men are going through when it comes to dating. Maybe when women stopped being scared and send out emails to men...hmmmm... (Like that will ever happen HAHAHAHA!)

    Some tips with the online dating thing is to get on to legit dating sites (meaning sites where people have to pay for services). That gets rid of 3/4's of the assholes that your meeting online. When you use free dating sites like okcupid.com, craigslist.com, plentyoffish.com, zoosk.com...you will always get trouble. You will find women that are substandard because they feel they got nothing to lose. (They are losers, scum, "insert profanity here"). Granted, even on pay sites like match.com, eharmony, true.com, etc..you will find horrible women on there as well, but your chances will be higher in meeting people that maybe on your level.

    Women on online dating sites get hundreds of emails a day and they just hit "Delete" every time they see their inbox light up. Guys may get about 10 emails every 3 months. Believe me on that. (You can experiment with that yourself...just make a fake profile on a dating site pretending to be a hot women and see how many guys contact you.) You can be the nicest guy, and send out the most beautiful email...and BAM! POW! "Deleted".

    Lastly, never settle...NEVER. That is what men do when they can't get the attractive girls. Yes it is tempting, but don't do it. You will get your woman, it takes time, you know...

    You also may meet your woman in real life, not on some stupid dating site. So don't use the internet as your only resort.

    I have been on tons of dating sites...and out of the vast majority of rotten women, they are some good women around to.

    Hope that helps somewhat, and good luck on your search.

    • Dude first I want congratulate you because you have by the far the fbest answer in this disscussion. You pretty hit every nail in the head except one (I will get to shortly). Its like you and I have the same DNA and know how we feel about women and dating sites. I just wish the two girls above ^^^ would realized that. You are so right women in general( pretty or ugly) have better chances of meeting men than men do meeting women simply because that's how the life is. I know It sucks but its trut

  • Because guys are desperate. Sites like that are nothing more than a smorgasbord for bored woman.

    • i agree, but what is the best way to meet a girlfriend?

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    • this answer is depressing. Guys are not desperate, the social system works against us. It's a self continuing cycle. Girls reap the rewards of it so have no desire to change anything while only men ever really have to put themselves on the line.

      It's really more that women don't take risks in this area, and men are expected to take all the risks and suck on all the rejection.

    • Poor choice of words. I should have said guys on dating sites and desperate.

  • 1. because us guys always or generally have to initiate everything. 2. women are more picky, have higher standards, I would women judge men for their height just as much as men judge women for their weight

    • Yea but it seems as if you though women are not open minded like were and want to go after the perfect man, who has money and good looks and they don't care about us guys at all.

  • You need to just put up a profile and pick from the women who contact you. You have to realize they get poked and prodded by hundreds of guys, they probably delete the emails in bulk.

    • naw I probably just gonna delete my profile because its useless

  • It is not like this at all. Online dating sites for men have a lot of benefits really! They are of vital importance for shy people who cannot ask girls out. I am one of them too... I had had a lot of difficulties before I started using http://kovla.com online dating service. I met a lot of nice girls there and dated some of them. It is a very useful thing indeed!

  • I am on the same boat here. I got a lot of things going for me and have my life together. I consider myself average looking even though I have been on numerous occasions by a few women that I am good looking. I think they were just being polite. Anyway, I don’t think it’s fair for you to say that some women are needy, scandalous, desperate for attention, and slutty” because they don't want to date you.

    I have happened to meet a guy who has insane success with online dating and spent several months working with him on online dating. No one else I know have any success with online dating. The only conclusion we came up with after a few months of experimenting and testing is that success with online dating correlates with your looks. If you are good looking then women will throw themselves at you and if you are not then they wouldn’t give you the time of their day. I was very disappointed to learn that women are superficial and I had thought better of women.

    I wouldn’t take it personally if women are not responding to you online. If you don’t have the looks then they will filter you out straight away. No amount of personality is going to compensate for it because they don't care. I also realized that it’s extremely difficult for women to pick men out of the hundreds of messages they receive from men. Women have the upper hand when it comes to dating and sexual relationships. Men chase women period unless you are an A-list Hollywood celebrity. Women including the unattractive ones have more choices presented to them than most men have because of this they can afford to wait for men to show up and approach them. They don’t have to do much. It’s a sad reality for men.

  • Because online, if you're not both tall and handsome or blatantly rich, girls don't give a shit about you. Real life is where an average guy has an opportunity to be an interesting person and create some draw.

    Online dating is just a meat market where girls can be endlessly picky.

  • I've noticed on dating websites that after writing an "unique essay" for every woman that I like just so she can ignore it, it's soul crushing.

  • It's the same thing IRL.