I'm probably going to get hated for this but..read this girls.

i should be going anonymous for this but I decided to do this normally. a couple of my female friends complained about the same thing and I thought I should address it and share it with everyone. My friend is overweight and etc, ( before you think I'm shallow or an asshole, I used to be fat so I understand more then average people on this topic.) So my friend Kelly, she's overweight and she's the goofy type of person to hide her true insecurities. I try my best to keep her confidence up as a friend. She complains how she wants a muscular guy with hard abs and etc. I said to her " don't you just want someone to love you and treat you properly?" She replies " of course I do, but he must be super fit and hot". That I don't get it, its not only kelly, its more then 5 of my female friends who are just like her. I mean we all want a perfect lover but you can't be shallow also. That's what I'm trying to address, girls and guys who know they are overweight and yet only except their lover or boyfriend or girlfriend to be fit or ripped. I also study psychology so I have a few guesses but I wanna hear other peoples opinions on this.


0|0
18|6

Most Helpful Guy

  • well your gfs sound very dillusional, if therell all fat and expect to find a "hard/ripped" guy. she's dillusional for thinking that most guys are ripped etc. because most are not at all. eventually they will all realize the error of their ways and come back down to reality, and settle for less. or eventually theyll be able to overcome their shallowness.

    iam a bit chubby myself I don't expect to get a super fit, hot girl. even though I get attention from them anyway. that's besides the point. if they all can find super fit, chubby chaser guys, which is highly unlikely, their going to be very lonely. super fit, hot guys, will look for some whos like them, super fit hot whatever.

    i know if I was fit and healthy, like I used to be id expect my girl to be the same way.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 18

  • I agree, I don't get it at all. And I've seen more than one question on this site from men and women asking the same sorts of questions. "I'm fat but my S.O. must be in good shape or I'm not attracted. Why can't I find a boyfriend/girlfriend?" It makes no sense to me.

    2|2
    0|0
  • First of all just to say..STUFF MUSCLES and give me a cuddly chunky man anyday.

    However, while I get what you are saying, I have to point out that just because she is overweight doesn't mean she doesn't have her own expectations for a potential partner. Are we suggesting therefore, that because she is overweight she shouldn't go for what she wants in a man, and that just because she is overweight she won't get it, because she's overweight? Because I have to tell you that I have a guy friend who is muscular and only goes for bigger woman, he doesn't like the skinny types.

    Because a girl is slim and got the 'hot' bod, she's more OK to say she wants a muscular boyfriend, then the woman who is overweight and people think she shouldn't aim so high?

    Yes there is shallowness in there, but she isn't alone is she, there are plenty of people who only want the finest, but because she is overweight, she gets wronged for that?..doesn't seem right to me.

    Plus which, how many muscular men wouldn't go near an overweight woman, because he wants a slim fit woman?

    (this is not to say I don't see what you are saying, I am just playing devil's advocate here)

    At the end of the day you should be with someone, not just because of how they look, but because you actually want to be with that person. Because they make you happy, and make you smile, and not just because they look good on your arm)

    0|0
    0|0
  • well I'm kinda the opposite...I'm not terribly fit, but I work out and I look damn good. I dated a model for a while with washboard abs and all he did was talk about his looks. I actually prefer a guy with some meat on his bones, preferably thick and not fluffy, but I find it nice to have someone who is a real man and not someone who spends his time in the gym trying to get laid.

    0|1
    0|0
  • i understand where she's coming from, my case isn't that bad...but I mean I like my guys thinner than me, but I mean at the same time its not like I expect an underwear model to want me ya know...im a big girl and I've learned that personality is key when you're not the best person you want to be health wise...

    1|0
    0|0
    • You never know, Its all about love and connection. There could be a guy perfect for you and he might be an upcoming underwear model, all I'm trying to say is that people shouldn't mix up love and lust .

    • i totally agree by far I'm just saying like it makes a fat girl feel great about herself when a hot guy likes her

  • Honestly, the only hope there is for your female friends is that these super hot, 6-pack guys are not as shallow as they are. Otherwise forget it.

    Let me guess, they won't approach guys, either? I bet they just want this Mr. Hot to come along and sweep them off their feet.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yeah I think it is absolutely ridiculous to demand that your significant other be super fit and hott, especially if you yourself are not. It doesn't make sense.

    1|0
    0|0
  • i think it's stupid.. I use to be fat and unfit too.. but I wanted someone to love me.. they didn't have to be a guy who's fit and has rock hard pecs... I'm healthy and pretty fit now since I've joined a gym and school sports teams.. but that still didn't change my mind about who I wish to be with... I honestly don't care what they look like... as long as they're taller than me tho.. and that's it...

    no offence, but she's dumb

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well attraction is part of love in a way they go hand in hand. But the definition of beauty is different to each person.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Why would you be hated for this question?

    Everyone has an idea on their perfect lover but nearly everyone has to end up settling. Which isn't a bad thing. I get what you are saying.

    1|1
    0|0
    • some people would think I was trying to say fit people were only allow to date fit people or whatever. Just I don't think you should use the word love to describe something that sounds more like lust. Sure we all wish our lovers or future lovers to be fit, but its really about loving the person for who they are , sure physical features are somewhat important but not more important then connection is my point

  • Double standard: "Treat others as you want to be treated". Having said that, she can't help who she's attracted too, but she (and everyone else for that matter) should be more open minded. It is NOT all about appearance. That will only get your foot in the door. The person you are is far more important.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I completly agree with you. Some people have too high expectations. If you are fat, it's 80% you won't find super sport and fit lover.

    I'm a sport person, very active, so I wouldn't under any condition watch my boyfriend playing computer games every day and being lazy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well you're girlfriend is fat and got with you when you were chubby soooo...

    0|1
    0|2
    • they are just friends. read the post.

    • I'm his girlfriend. point blank there ya go. I'm not a dumbass and I'm literate I know what he was saying. thank you though.

  • I think its hypocritical to hold your bf/gf/spouse whatever, to higher standards than you have for yourself.

    0|0
    0|0
  • whats your point? are you saying that overweight girls should only date overweight guys? everyone has a preference. Some fit guys prefer chubby girls.

    0|1
    1|2
    • no that's not what I'm trying to say, what I'm trying to say you can't be shallow. If you want love, then you want connection, not physical features. I mean physical features are important but not the main reason you love someone.

    • Show All
    • if I see a fit guy who likes fat girls then I surely think he's nuts... he he

    • I know plenty of people who love chubby girls, its not uncommon.

  • It's obvious your friend has an inferiority complex, like most fat girls. The sad thing is, she's not only fat but dumb and shallow. Bad luck doesn't come alone he he... I think that if you are disadvantaged in some way like being overweight or ugly, you still have chances to improve you personality and skills and get what you want...

    It seems I am the opposite of your friend..I am a model and very beautiful as they tell me, I work out regularly to have this fit sexy body, I get attention from guys all the time, including very hot guys, moldes like myself. But I never date these hot guys cause they seem to me quite quite stupid and shallow... Now I date an overweight guy, may be three times my weight, but he has a great personality, he has graduated from Princeton, he's so educated and intelligent, he takes care of me and spoils me, I don't care about his weight... I know he's crazy about my body and he wants me all the time but he would never have me if he he was just a fat dumbass.. so I think it's very stupid to to want a good looking lover if you can not offer anything in return.

    3|2
    0|0
  • Yeah. This is something that's always been weird to me.

    I guess because, at a fairly young age, I realized that I didn't fit into the mold of what society sees as attractive. Not that I thought I was ugly, just that I wasn't what people generally see as hot. At that time, my views on what is "attractive" began to split into two different things: the people I saw as "stereotypically attractive" and the people I saw as "personally attractive".

    Stereotypically attractive people, to me, are those people who do fit the mold of what society tells us is attractive. They're the people that most people would describe as attractive (like, on a rating scale, most people would say they're 8-10s). Since I didn't fit into that category, I never really saw them as potential partners and I didn't expect them to see me as a potential partner.

    So my personal attraction to people developed in a different way. I had different standards for what made a person attractive to me. Things like a guy being tall, having a 6 pack, or the face of a model weren't that appealing to me. I find that I have a wider view on what I find attractive, and that it falls somewhere in the middle of the "attractive scale" (i.e. I prefer people that most people would probably rate between 3 and 7), and personality is far more important to me than looks are. And I think I'd actually feel pretty uncomfortable dating someone who is "stereotypically hot".

    And it's not that I think that 8-10s are "too good" for me or anything like that, but I think that we probably have less in common (people get treated differently based on how they look, so a lot of their experiences are probably different), and that there's more of a chance that THEY think they're too good for me (and I wouldn't want to be with someone like that).

    But yeah, it seems weird to me when people (men and women do this) have standards for their partners that they don't meet themselves. If you have an expectation that the people you date are very fit, what makes you think that they don't have the same expectation? The difference is that they're holding themselves to the standard that they want by getting and maintaining a fit body, but you aren't.

    3|1
    0|0
  • My God.. this reminds me *so much* of some of my own girl-friends. They're all like:

    "I'm super shy so I need someone outgoing and congenial to balance me out."

    "I'm kinda fat so I'd prefer a fitter guy because otherwise it'd be just depressing; fat couples look ridiculous together, ew".

    Basically they want a guy to have all the qualities they don't. Just to "balance things out" of course. *rolleyes*

    Y'know what, guys should start saying "I'm really ugly and off-putting so I need a gorgeous smoking hot chick to balance me out". lol

    0|2
    0|0
    • lmao, I say that everyday, it doesn't work =). You have to make your own luck in this world but nice answer =)

    • I disagree a little on the shy one. I'm a little shy when it comes to guys I like, and sometimes I find it hard to try and get with a shy guy. I've always been attracted to quiet and/or shy guys, but end up with goofy/outgoing guys. I have tried talking with the shy ones, but majority of the time it goes nowhere. Whereas an outgoing guy is more forward with his feelings. So in a sense, it does balance things out.

    • That may work for some people... although shy is usually regarded as an undesirable trait and outspoken is considered cool etc. So what I'm saying is these awkward, insecure and barely functional friends of mine demand a super smooth guy with awesome PR skills, and will literally laugh at a guy who is more like them in that sense. Not only that but other aspects as well... they expect a whole lot more from the guys than they expect from themselves.

  • It's harder to develop feelings without sexual attraction. It happens, but its harder. Maybe she is hoping that her feelings with motivate her to lose the weight.

    0|0
    0|0
    • mmm I was thinking that, I'm just glad I'm not the only one who thought the same way.

    • I fantasize about hot sex when I exercise, I know! ;)

    • Lol interesting but I don't really think much when I do workout, just normal stuff. lol ill try your idea next time I do so.

What Guys Said 5

  • They can be as shallow as they want to be, regardless of their physique.

    If she will only take a fit, ripped guy, then that's a standard she's allowed to have. It's her choice and her right to pick and choose.

    If she finds a fit, ripped guy who likes her despite her being fat, then more power to them. They can be as mismatched as they want so long as they're happy with it.

    However, when you get around to being realistic, most ripped guys are going to have a lot more options, and fat girls are less desired. She can wait for a ripped guy while she's fat herself all she wants, but she's likely to be waiting a long time for it to happen.

    1|1
    0|0
  • why would anyone give you sh*t for this

    if you look like crap, you have no right to expect your SO to look good.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Well, good luck to her... lmao.

    why don't you just tell her that she needs to lose weight in order to be with someone fit? it's so hypocrite to even assume you can get someone who works his ass off at the gym while she eats donuts by the dozen.

    2|2
    1|0
  • ive seen it too. you took the right route though. that could have been what dave chappell calls "when keepin it real goes wrong" better to just let her keep thinking that. I'm sure she'll realize it soon if she hasn't already.

    0|0
    0|0
  • They want the super hot guy and all that, but there is also another thing girls forget to mention, d*** size. If this super hot guy has only 5 inches, then no girl will want to be with him. They expect at least 10 and up if the guy is super hot. So all in all it's looks, and penis size.

    0|0
    2|0
    • LOL, that's completely ridiculous. 10 and up is totally unrealistic, considering less than one percent of the male population has a penis that big. Even if I did come across one, I wouldn't want it anywhere near me no matter how 'hot' a guy is because all it would do is hurt me. And not in the good way that I like. =P

Loading...