My boyfriend writes/ calls other girls, he says its not cheating. but I can't do that without an arguement.

my boyfriend and I had a fight because he was writing a girl on myspace and denied the whole thing. he told a mutual friend he had plans of meeting this girl, and when we confronted the situation he said that wasn't true, he thought it was just a spam page. he wrote her calling her sexy and asking to meet her and text her.

he thinks that I should just forget it, that it only looked bad, but that he had no intentions of cheating, yet he never told me the truth about this girl in the first place- she sent me copies of their messages telling me to back off that he was into her. now I am 25, I am not into games, but I feel like his story has too many holes in it, but I am not ready to deal with the idea that maybe I'm just being insecure.

he has lied to me many times in the past, when he got his new car he had no intentions on taking me out that nite- instead he went out with friends he says he can't trust. his friend lied to him about me cheating, but he won't confront him- my friend did and he denied saying any such thing to my boyfriend. that makes no sense to me- did my boyfriend make it up or did his friend?

he tells me he loves me, wants to marry me, and we constantly disagree about me getting pregnant. I'm not ready. we don't have the finances, plus I am more pro- adoption.

his lying and hiding things from me confuses me. he met a girl through a friend and exchanged numbers with her- he calls her and has deleted the outgoing call to her- he said he did that because he knew I would get mad. only thing on that is I don't get mad- I am confused that he would hide things- not who he calls. however, when I go out he needs details on who ws there and what I did, he even asks mutual friends for details. its frustrating to me.

he is more into his video games which is nice, because he stays sober and out of trouble. when he's done playing, he expects me to drop what I'm doing to cuddle- ie: watch t.v., and sex. I am confused by his desire to keep me when it seems that he is unhappy with me, he wouldn't lie/ hide things from me if he felt trust and that it was safe. when I tried breaking up with him, he comes back and he has nowhere else to go so I take him in- and fall for it again.

i don't know what to do with myself. I know my question is a mess of statements, I'm sorry for that. I am just very confused and I don't know what to do with my feelings. how can I get him to tell me the truth, and fix myself?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • For someone who's not into games, it sure appears that you're playing in a dilly of a game here.

    You're not going to get him to tell you the truth unless you catch him red-handed at something, so you may as well forget that. Perhaps you're not as insecure as you think you are. Maybe it's that little voice inside that's telling you that something is up; you just don't have anything solid to grab onto yet.

    Unless you really feel that there's something wrong with you, then what is there to fix?

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What Guys Said 1

  • He seems very controlling and unappreciative to you, I think you need to tell him to stop the shit or pack his shit. tell him to stop calling these girls, lying about what he does with these girls and pull his head in. ask him how he would like it if he were in ur shoes.

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What Girls Said 6

  • It's so obvious in your question how unhappy you are with your boyfriend. I understand your confusion - why would you be with someone that makes you so unhappy? I'm confused as well - WHY would you be with someone that makes you so unhappy?

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  • Drop him. He is obviously not worth your time or love. I know that is easier said than done. But he keeps crawling back to you not JUST because he is sorry or that he loves you, but because he knows he canl He is suspicious of you because he is guilty himself. Any guy with a girlfirend should NOT have another girl's number or call her sexy. That is disrespectful towards you! A relationship is based on trust, which he obviously has broken with you time and time again.

    Please do not even think about bringing a baby into this mess. He will leave you and hurt you, that is not going to change. The only difference is you are going to be stuck to care for a young innocent child that you don't have the means to support.

    Write a list of all your great qualities. No matter how small they seem. Ask friends to help if you are having trouble coming up with things. . Then make a list of all the horrible things your loser boyfriend has done. Have your friends help with that too. When finshed look at those completed lists and see how great you are and how much better you deserve. How he is not the right person for you. If you still need help. Make a list of all the things you want in life, then put a star next to the ones you most likely couldn't acheive if you stayed in your current relationship.

    I hope this somewhat helps. I know that you probably love him very much and yes he probably does love you, But I would get out before it's too late. He's a big boy, he can figure out where to go on his own. He just says he has no one to make you feel guilty. Stick up for yourself and just say NO! Good luck!

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  • Girl, I know where you are coming from. I have the same exact problem. I don't know what to do either. It's gotten so bad for me that I am stressin my hair out! Not good at all. I want to beleive him but I can't everything he says I question. I founf many text, myspace messages, phone numbers etc. I don't know what to think or say... I have even had someone tell me that they seen him in MY CAR with another girl... although his story sounds true...I can't beleive it. One thing I have that you are so smart about avoiding is having a child with him. I don't regret my child at all, but I kno the time was not right. I don't know if I go on worrying myself wether he is being honest or lying...or just let go even tho I love him. I keep him around mostly for my child's sake...but I don't understand why...If you ever find an answer, help me!

    I think we should let go of them, their holding us back

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  • I think you need to ditch this guy. He sounds like a mess.

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  • sounds like he is a little controlling, gain that back please.

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  • I have exactly the same problem! my boyfriend hides things from me all the time. like stupid things to. I don't get it! he says it's not nessacary for me to know. but I'm just curious. and I found a text from his ex saying she loves him! I don't know what's up with these guys :( he also lies to me to, saying he's going to get medicine for his family..then comes back 7 hours later because he's been with his friends all day. so yeah, I'm in the same situation as you are D:

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