I like two guys, which one shall I stick to? and why?

This is my messed up problem:

I like both guys:

My boyfriend, I like him and he likes me back we just started dating last month.

My best friend, knew him since last year never thought I would like him because he's shorter than me. He has a girlfriend whom he didn't tell me about and when he did he said he didn't care about her.

Me and my best friend like each other (I slightly like him better if only he wasn't shorter than me..hes never told me he likes me though..its just obvious)

I started feeling confused ever since I got a boyfriend, I like my best friend who has a girlfriend who is shorter than me..i also like my boyfriend (if that makes any sense)

I like both, which guy shall I stick to? and why?

(feel free to ask additional questions if you it helps you answer better.. I just wanted to keep things short and not long and boring story of my life question :p)

  • Boyfriend
    83% (25)62% (16)73% (41)Vote
  • Best friend
    17% (5)38% (10)27% (15)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
I may be shallow, but truth is people would make fun of it, and I say he's short but I like him, I just thought maybe someone was going to say don't go for the best friend because of that reason.. I never said I wouldn't date my best friend because he's short, its just that I used to be very shallow.
I've come up with a decision, and that is to stay with my boyfriend, and to stop liking my friend.


Me and my boyfriend have only been going out for a month and I'm sure I can develop my feelings for him as time goes by. I can't think of any reasons not to stay with my boyfriend.


However my best friend has a girlfriend, even though he says he doesn't care about her I can't guarantee he really doesn't care. I can't guarantee he won't treat me the same way he treats her either.
I can't pick a best answer so...

Special thanks to: (in no particular order)


Cascade

PuffyPink

AmazedLove

Girlygirl120

nallni

Anonymous Girl (who is 10th from the bottom)

Sugarpops

Question_girl223
"I'm sure I can develop my feelings for him as time goes by" I would like to add "enough to make me forget that I used to like my best friend"


I really do like my boyfriend.
I'm ending it with both of them. My boyfriend really likes me and would do anything for me but I figure the longer I stay with him the more chance I end up hurting him, I'm sure I'm going to regret ending it with him though because I wonder if I will ever find someone who actually loves me for me :(


Some people recon I shouldn't be with someone I doubt I would love.


I really have no experience in the relationship field :(
I would like to add thanks to:


TheGodEmperorLeto

NotJustAnotherGuy

Voltaire


For making me realize I'm not serious about my boyfriend

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your current one, definitely. Focus on your current boyfriend, unless you didn't choose him as a boyfriend for the right reasons (e.g wanting to show of that you have a boyfriend etc). Not to mention, it would have hurt him a lot to know that you are even considering some other guys (Reason 1).

    Secondly, I believe in loyalty. Stay loyal to your current one. If it doesn't work out, let nature takes its course. Last but not least, you are inviting a lot of problems such as being a 3rd party, disturbing, not to mention ruining he and his girlfriend's relationship. Irrespective of whether she/he likes each other as much or not, let them deal with their relationship on its own, not because of external factors such as you coming into the picture. And also imagine if she really likes your best friend as a boyfriend, she'd feel terribly hurt and insecure with you coming into picture and that itself can ruin their relationship.

    You aren't 100% sure whether you'll like your best friend in the future and you are still on path of finding what you really want and need in life in general. So stay with your current boyfriend, keep a good distance and drawing a fine line with your best friends, and let both of you handle you and his relationships on its OWN. Don't do the wrong things. Karma bites.

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    • @ I did not suggest that you were shallow. Your physical appearance preference towards him is completely on you and irrelevant to this situation. So there was no need for us users to comment on that. Just that some may have chosen better words to remind you not to let it be too much of a factor in considering these sorta matters

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    • Re: Update. Sorry for the late reply. You are welcome.

      "I'm sure I'm going to regret ending it with him though because I wonder if I will ever find someone who actually loves me for me" Did you mean he didn't love you for you? Why did you go into a relationship with your current boyfriend in the first place if I may ask? Was it a temporary rush? Was it out of pity etc? And what sort of person he is? I know it's easy to say give up because you don't really like him, but I'd like to know a bit more

    • details about your boyfriend and yourself. If for practical reasons (such as having a lot of uncertainties such as career, moving away, college etc.) and long distance relationship really doesn't work well etc, then it's best not to commit to a relationship even until you finish school or perhaps start work. I'd appreciate if you can provide more details so I can give a better evaluation on your situation and what works best (including how to break up).

What Guys Said 17

  • Ok guys, no need to be harsh on the poor girl. She's clearly lacking some life experience, and as we should all know, the word experience is key there. You can't blame someone for not having as much experience as you, especially at a younger age, not that age always has to do with experience or maturity really(I'm sure we have all seen wisdom beyond peoples years on this site). Also telling her not to date won't allow her to gain that experience to grow and find herself. I'll be honest with you, it is something that people think is a big deal, but that's only some people, and the people who have learned to outgrow their past judgments will support you, and the ones that haven't won't. So you might have friends that tease you or him about it, but the most important thing is to not participate or argue with people about it. Simply tell them, I don't care if he is short, he is my best friend, I know we are compatible together, and a favorite of mine would to be use the quote "Love is like friendship on fire", or something to a similar effect. Beyond that, just make sure that you don't participate in making fun of his shortness either, whether he is there or not, don't just go along with your friends, and make fun of him too because you want to please everybody and want to avoid confrontation. The most important part of relationships is to try not to make assumptions or accusations of each other, and to listen and be respectful. As hard as it sounds try not to be super emotional if you encounter an argument, and state your case of how you feel with out actually expressing your emotions through anger, jealousy ect. and try to wear the other persons shoes, its a comprimise. Say something like "I understand where you are coming from, that makes sense, but this is why I feel like this" or something to that effect. Anyways I could go on forever, but that should be a general enough starting point. If you are worried about inexperience or anything, I would reccomend the book "Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz, its very comprehensive on the problems and miscommunications and why they arise between people, its a spiritual book in nature and if you aren't that kind of person, just take it with an open mind and read the whole thing, you don't have to perscribe to god or the higher power, just concentrate on the parts about actual interactions between people and how to respect each other.

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    • I'm sorry could you clarify, say nothing about what?

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    • Dating a guy she doesn't have feelings for that she'll "hopefully grow feelings for" is a poor choice too. Telling her to not date, focus on her studies and realize she doesn't NEED a boyfriend 24/7 in her life is good advice imo. All she's going to do is hurt the guy she's with when she finally finds someone she is interested in.

    • I really do like my boyfriend -.- I just worded that wrong -.-

  • If you don't like either enough to make a clear choice, then you should be with neither of them.

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    • I've just started thinking into it.. and thought I want peoples opinions too..

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    • And QA, you won't lose them both if they're just friends and you keep in contact and whatnot. You can't have it that every guy you find somewhat appealing pines for you and will date no one else and only you when you feel ready or wanting to. That sounds entirely immature (and what you want, but I could very well be wrong).

      Just don't date either. Stay good friends and you won't lose either. If you do lose them from just being friends, then someone f***ed up and well learn from it.

    • okay thanks :)

  • you have a boyfriend and your looking for other guys AND your after a guy who has a girlfriend.

    And most people consider this type of situation normal. What the hell has happened to people? Too much pop culture downward spiral I guess.

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    • no, she obv doesn't know what to do and just needs your word of advice. don't diss her.

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    • the advice here is: that whole situation is f**ked up. have more respect for others involved and yourself. and if I think something is wrong enough and the person isn't seeing the bigger more disturbing picture at all, I can "diss". and that also is "what this site is for"

    • that is basically cheating and looking to make someone else cheat at the same time. if you all have moral standards that low then I'm sorry but mine aren't and you don't need to "diss" me because I was raised different than that. if you guys were on the receiving end of that wrecklesness (like the current bf) you would be all kinds of pissed off and talking trash. but that's not what side you stand on right now so its perfectly okay isn't it?

  • You should really just not date and grow up. Before you get hurt or hurt someone else. Just saying.

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    • Im 17, in your opinion, around what age is a good age to start dating, or its to do with maturity?

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    • Im not ending it because of you guys, you guys changed my opinion and made me realize something :)

      Well I'm just going to tell him what I'm thinking, and that's I'm not mature enough to date and that I'm not being honest with him about how I feel.

      And I have exams now -.- I should focus on that instead :p

    • Well that's good :)

  • Why is him being shorter such a big thing? If you love someone that shouldn't matter at all. My girlfriend is nine years older than me. We met when I was only 16... She waited for two years until I was 18 and she doesn't give a sh*t that I am younger than her because we are made for each other. We can talk about anything for any amount of time and the conversation will always be interesting. She's beautiful and I make her day. Sucks for everyone else that limit their decisions based on petty stuff like height or age.

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    • Its not a big thing, its something I thought people thought of as a big thing :(

  • see ure still being SHALLOW ! cause people make fun of it! who cares what people think. but it's alright ure too young understand this stuff anyway , when you get older ull realize em by yourself.

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    • So your saying no one would make fun of an odd looking couple?

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    • and to improve. She's right, putting herself out there, asking questions and trying to learn to make right/good choices based on the suggestions given is a stepping stone to becoming more mature.

    • Thanks music4life, I could've just fixed my own problem but I wanted to see peoples opinions and reasoning and that's what this site is for :)

  • I don't think it's possible to like two guys, you've got to like one more. If you like your Boyfriend more stick to him and if you like your friend more...then break-up...

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  • just from a guys prespective: you would tear apart any friendship you and your urrent boyfriend ever had. he would most likely despise you for leaving him for your friend. plus you would gain a bad reputation for leaving him so spectaularly.

    stick with the boyfriend. for numerous reasons, if not for yourself

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    • Thanks for sharing your opinion, I appreciate it :)

  • Ure such a shallow minded person , don't you ever go after your best friend who's SHORTER than u! let him be , he won't need a relationship based on his height or looks.

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    • I never said I wouldn't date him because of it, its just that I liked him when he wasn't my type (physically) it was a thing that shocked myself

  • your not that into your boyfriend if you are into another guy

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  • you shouldn't be distracted by his height.

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  • My question is why MUST you have a boyfriend. At your age, you're going to change what you like/dislike/want/need in a relationship 1000 times before you settle down. What ever happened to the old fashion idea of just dating until you know exactly what you want and don't want in a relationship. You can date your ex-boyfriend, best friend, and any other guy you might be interested in at the same time. That way you get to know what you like, and dislike in these boys. Just be clear up front, that you don't want anything other than dating. And don't go too far with them, or you may develop a bad reputation.

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  • you know, since you and your friend are so close then you should go to him because best friends are always there for each other, that's why my best friend fell for me because I was there for her when she broke off the engagement.

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    • I can't go out with my best friend, he has a girlfriend.. well anyways, I will be there always since he's my friend.. but I'm not going to tell him I like him.

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    • For now, I don't care much, I'm happy just having him as a friend :D

    • that's good it's better to have him as a friend then nothing

  • Your under 18, meaning none of those guys will be for life, so I say learn from your mistakes and choose de wrong guy: best friend!

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  • Pick the one with the bigger trouser snake.

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  • your best friend, because you two know each other very well. My best friend likes me, but make sure you don't do anything to mess up the friendship.

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    • Thanks for sharing your opinion :)

  • My experience told me that it would be better to be with your boyfriend, not your friend knew last year. Good luck.

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    • Thanks For answering :)

What Girls Said 22

  • you should break up with your boyfriend its really not fair to him that your thinking about another guy when your with him, you said nothing bad about him so I'm assuming your boyfriend is a nice guy so in that case you should just spare him the hurt and break up with him, imagine if the situation was turned around and your boyfriend was thinking about another girl when he was with you how would you feel, staying with him while your thinking about someone else is selfish, and also if you even have these kind of thoughts then he's probably not the one for you. I don't think you should just go out with your best friend because if the relationship does not work out then you wouldve ruined a friendship, your young so you have a long time, maybe continue being friends and when you get older and know more about what you want then you might diside to date but as of now I think continue being friends and if its meant to happen it will happen. good luck

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    • you actually convinced me to give up on both :)

      Im still thinking about it though, I want to come to a final decision by the end of today :)

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    • btw this is just my opinion not saying you should do this :)

    • Yay :) a wise girl finally. Same kinda advice I've been giving. If you can't be 100% sure for yourself who you want to date, then just don't date anyone atm :P

  • I'm sorry sweetie but I can't make that decision for you.

    I don't even know them. So how can I judge?

    I think you should just go with your gut, what does it tell you?

    If you make a mistake, don't stress, we all make mistakes. Just learn from it.

    Good luck :)

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    • I know you can't make a decision for me, but do you have an opinion on this?

  • no you are not shallow.u have every right to like whatever guy you want and you have every right to want him to be tall short fat or thin. these stupid people have nothing better to do then pass judgments and think how great they r!

    anyway I will advise you to stick to your boyfriend. I can understand what a huge turn off it can be for a girl if the guy is shorter than her. plus your frnd has a gf...so he know..better stay away from all that drama. give your boyfriend a chance...u have just been with him for a month

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    • Thank you :)

    • Exactly! It's fine to actually want a boyfriend that YOU WANT...and not one because 'you can be lazy and he'll still be around because it's not like he has anywhere else to go'...

      Go after the guy that impresses YOU.

  • Um yea, you're supposed to kind of prefer your boyfriend to any other person, which is really easy if you're not just dating someone to be with someone or because you can 'depend on him to love you for you..."

    If you make yourself as great as you're capable, you'll know that the little flaws you thought you had are pretty forgivable, and you won't settle for 'the guy that adores you'...if that's the only thing you like about him, what the hell you gonna do on the days he doesn't like you very much? From the way it sounds, you don't have much in common...if he adores you, and you don't even like yourself enough to think you deserve a guy that you actually like for reasons besides 'he likes me'...

    Not being mean, just matter of fact about it...

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  • I didn't choose either.

    I'd choose the best friend over the boyfriend because you're already considering choosing another guy over him and would (unintentionally) hurt him, that's not good and your boyfriend doesn't deserve it.

    But I still wouldn't choose the best friend because you can never truly know if he likes you, no matter the signs, unless he tells you straight up, he could just be teasing you, or think he has the right to flirt with you because he's your best friend. Plus, if he doesn't like you like you thought, you could harm your friendship.

    Remember, zero to only one relationship will never end.

    I guess what I would do would be to tell the boyfriend that you need time to think about your relationship.

    And do just that. Give it two-three weeks or however long it takes for you to figure out who you truly want.

    Seems like a difficult situation, but I hope I helped somehow and didn't make it worse.. hah.

    Best of luck, girl. :]

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  • well girl I hadthe same problem but if he says he doesn't care about this girl what make you think he will care about you and that he doesn't say that to any other girl he sounds like a player and id say stay friends I had this problem but I knew my friend for about 10 years at this tim id stick with your boyfriend you know he is true and doesn't cheat you know how he acts and why would you say yes if you did not like him back stay with the boyfriend and you'll figure out if he as right if notthen give your friend the chance if your still into him

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  • umm, he has a girlfriend why are y even thinking about it. if he is with her but does not care, he should be honest with her. You are in the same position, for thinking of another guy when you have a boyfriend.

    Sounds like you & your best friend, may not be ready for any relationship at all. Also, one day if you do decide to go with him, my guess is, you will end up hurt hurting him. You will alwys be wondering-- should I stay with my best friend, or get with the taller guy.. He will lose trust & you will lose your best friend. If you are going to consider some other guy, you should let your current boyfriend know. He thinks he is in a stable relationship, while you are counting dance cars, It isn't right. imo.

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  • Whoever you liked second because if you really liked the first one, you wouldn't have liked the second one.

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    • I liked the first first and never fallen for the second as much as I did for the first.. that's why I've been confused, I find myself unable to like the second as much as the first, but I would work on it if I were to let go of liking myfriend

    • You just answered your own question.

    • LOL yeah +1

  • I had a similar situation several years ago... I was dating my best friend and I wanted another guy... I thought the other guy was more attractive and dating my best friend was too scary and not worth the risk. I dumped my best friend after 2 weeks and dated the other guy for 2.5 years. do I still want to date my best friend today? sometimes, but I'd rather keep him as my best friend... so until that magical moment occurs when I change my mind, I'm still going to stick with other guys. friendship first! :) that's how I picked.

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    • Thanks for answering :)

    • Can you see how that might have really hurt your best friend? Well if he was really into you. I'm surprised he'd still be your best friend after that. Why can't women just not date if they aren't 100% sure they love someone? All you do is set the guy's hopes up and then crush them into oblivion when your gender does something like this.

      Guys are stupid for a different reason, but they tend to not date when they aren't sure of something. Well most. The immature ones will "play" girls like that

    • it DID really hurt him. I think he held a grudge against me for several years after that. last year he thought liked me again and I was too scared to date, but thought I'd give it a chance and then 2 weeks later he told me that he never liked me all along... and that he just wanted something he couldn't have... so he got his little revenge on me. but yeah, I really did hurt him... it's not like he fought to get me back at all! he was just like yeah that's okay and went on like nothing happened!

  • Honestly, lists always work. Sit down and list out what's good and what's bad about each of them. It's an easy way to way out your options.

    But also, if you aren't having any problems with your boyfriend, I would say don't fix what isn't broken.

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    • I will try the list thing, and thanks :)

  • you can definietly tell that your in high school or middle school lol. You should definitely stick with your boyfriend. Your friend has a girlfriend and if he's keeping it on the downlow and trying to date other girls than not only would he be a player, but he'd do the same thing to you. He wouldn't treat you different than any other girl he has dated. Also, you already have a boyfriend so just enjoy that and be happy with what you have.

    Honeslty most high school/ middle school relationships don't last to long. So, maybe if you two are both single and have feeling for each other you could date him later.

    ps. the whole height this isn't really a big deal, especially when you get older

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    • I know what you mean, I know I'm a very emotional teen with tons of mood swings and having a boyfriend is desirable at this age -.-

      I just have no reason to break up with my 19 year old boyfriend. (I'm guessing he's the more mature one, and hopefully we won't end)

  • Stick to the boyfriend

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    • any reason?

      i want to know your opinion :)

    • Just a hunch. That is what I would do. But then again due to your youth both relationships are doomed. In the end enjoy your moments and learn from this.

  • If you can't find a good enough reason to be with either of them, its better for you not to get in a relationship with either of them. If you had good reason to be with one and not the other, then choose them but since you don't just go single.

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    • I like them both :( I don't want to lose both and I can't have both :( I have to make up my mind fast

    • list out what you like and dislike about each one. if one has more likes than the other be with them... but make sure theyre good reasons not superficial ones

    • sure :)

  • Ok this saying says it all. "If you really loved the first guy then you would have never noticed the second" Nuff said :)

    Hope this helps.

    Signed,

    Livy-luv

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    • I like how this is like the 3rd time a girl says that :D

      Its proves how true it is.

    • haha it so is I've ginen the advice to TONS of my friends and they always agree in the end. :) Its a great saying. I used it myself and have now dated my current boyfriend for over a year. :)

  • I would say that if your having second thoughts about either then your not ready to be commited to either because see I have been in this problem and it jsut ends bad tell you. so I say just enjoy the single life until you can decide what you want in a relationship because until then. no sorry

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  • If you can't answer that question for yourself, no one can.

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  • Boyfriend, cause if your best friend had really liked you back, he should have say before you start date someone else. It was a whole year, it's too late, he's lost you for now, who knows someday maybe... but not now, not ready.

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    • i don't know, maybe he didn't say anything because he has a girlfriend

  • Stick to your boyfriend because if anything happens your best friend will always be there and I learned the hard way my boyfriend broke up with me because of that whole situation and now I'm confused

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  • never mess up a friendship.

    also, he's taken, so why make a fuss?

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    • Thanks for your opinion :)

  • well what I think is: if you love two different people and you have a choice between the two of them you should go for the second person; because if you really loved the first peron you wouldn't of fallen for the second person

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  • stay with your boyfriend. its better for your best friend and u. if you really did like your best friend, height wouldn't matter much although I get what you mean. lol my bff is shorter than me too.

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    • Thanks for answering :)

  • I once heard a quote "If you love two people, pick the second. If you really loved the first you wouldn't have fallen for the second one."

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    • that can be very misleading though

    • I liked the first and never fallen for the second as much as I did for the first.. and that's why I've been confused, I find myself a little unable to like the second as much the first.

    • Imo "If you love two people, pick neither. You don't really love them both like lovers and likely just as friends or even family." There's no reason to pick either if you can't know in your own heart 100% you want to be with one and only one of them.

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