Help: My father has told me that I need to make the decision, My Family or My Boyfriend. I have no idea what to do. My father stated that I am not being treated properly, that my boyfriend does not love me the same way I love him, that he is using me, that I am suffering emotional abuse.
I will say that I have in the past felt that he does not love me as strongly as I love him, but he told me for him it takes time, that I need to let his love grow.
We need to work on our communication, so when my father states that I am not being treated fairly it is actually because I will come home upset because of an emotional disconnect.
My boyfriend and I have been more open with each other over the past month then in our entire relationship, but my parents have decided that I need to move on, that I keep trying to repair a broken relationship. In my eyes my boyfriend and my relationship is moving slower then my parents would have thought, and I think they partially feel I should move on 'because I am wasting my time'.
I also don't think that it helps that I still live at home.
- Choose Family, they will always be there for you.Vote A
- Choose Boyfriend, your family will forgive you later on.Vote B
- Move out and get a new perspective on things.Vote C
Most Helpful Girl
I'll disagree with dtaijo174 on this.
You mentioned something that I can really relate to in some sense because I have so-called "controlling" parents, especially when I'm back home living with them, but in reality, they actually aren't and they let me make my choices unless something is really wrong. However, keeping that aside, Have you wondered whether you've been too into your boyfriend that you thought breaking up is not an option? What makes you decide to cling on to him? And have you ever go back home and complain/behave/suggest things which display to your family that you aren't happy? Because from where I'm seeing, you seem to back your boyfriend a lot more than your family.
To translate your question, what they REALLY are trying to set out to you is to choose between your boyfriend and loving yourself. They used "family" as a threatening weapon, partly because they may have concerns that the impact between you and your boyfriend may have some adverse effects on your family (be it due to money, emotional, mental etc matters), but mainly because they want to spark and force a proper reevaluation of yourself on you, especially since your dad has already told you so many things. They can only give you that much advice. Probably they are worn out from listening/seeing you being upset and going through emotional pain (maybe they see some things which you have failed to realize). Since you are an adult and they want you to make the decisions on your own without crossing the line, the only way is to force you to seriously reevaluate yourself and your relationship very neutrally. They can't baby sit you forever, but at the same time they want you to have a better life because I know they love you very much.
What should you do? You don't need to choose. Just take time to reevaluate and do some serious thinking for yourself, what your family has advised you, what works for the benefit for you, be completely neutral and none bias towards your boyfriend. The others decisions will come naturally. Feel free to ask more should you need any more help. Good luck.1
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