Choose between Boyfriend and Family?

Help: My father has told me that I need to make the decision, My Family or My Boyfriend. I have no idea what to do. My father stated that I am not being treated properly, that my boyfriend does not love me the same way I love him, that he is using me, that I am suffering emotional abuse.

I will say that I have in the past felt that he does not love me as strongly as I love him, but he told me for him it takes time, that I need to let his love grow.

We need to work on our communication, so when my father states that I am not being treated fairly it is actually because I will come home upset because of an emotional disconnect.

My boyfriend and I have been more open with each other over the past month then in our entire relationship, but my parents have decided that I need to move on, that I keep trying to repair a broken relationship. In my eyes my boyfriend and my relationship is moving slower then my parents would have thought, and I think they partially feel I should move on 'because I am wasting my time'.

I also don't think that it helps that I still live at home.

Advice Please!

  • Choose Family, they will always be there for you.
    33% (3)100% (3)50% (6)Vote
  • Choose Boyfriend, your family will forgive you later on.
    33% (3)0% (0)25% (3)Vote
  • Move out and get a new perspective on things.
    34% (3)0% (0)25% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
We had actually looked at places together, but did not find something affordable that we both liked. Though he has never asked me to move in or offered me a key.
Not sure why that update posted 3 times, sorry.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'll disagree with dtaijo174 on this.

    You mentioned something that I can really relate to in some sense because I have so-called "controlling" parents, especially when I'm back home living with them, but in reality, they actually aren't and they let me make my choices unless something is really wrong. However, keeping that aside, Have you wondered whether you've been too into your boyfriend that you thought breaking up is not an option? What makes you decide to cling on to him? And have you ever go back home and complain/behave/suggest things which display to your family that you aren't happy? Because from where I'm seeing, you seem to back your boyfriend a lot more than your family.

    To translate your question, what they REALLY are trying to set out to you is to choose between your boyfriend and loving yourself. They used "family" as a threatening weapon, partly because they may have concerns that the impact between you and your boyfriend may have some adverse effects on your family (be it due to money, emotional, mental etc matters), but mainly because they want to spark and force a proper reevaluation of yourself on you, especially since your dad has already told you so many things. They can only give you that much advice. Probably they are worn out from listening/seeing you being upset and going through emotional pain (maybe they see some things which you have failed to realize). Since you are an adult and they want you to make the decisions on your own without crossing the line, the only way is to force you to seriously reevaluate yourself and your relationship very neutrally. They can't baby sit you forever, but at the same time they want you to have a better life because I know they love you very much.

    What should you do? You don't need to choose. Just take time to reevaluate and do some serious thinking for yourself, what your family has advised you, what works for the benefit for you, be completely neutral and none bias towards your boyfriend. The others decisions will come naturally. Feel free to ask more should you need any more help. Good luck.

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    • I didn't see it that way, and I have to say your comment helped a lot. I know my parents want what's best for me, but I only saw it as them making me choose between them and him, not him and my happiness. I have come home unhappy and would complain, so I can see what you mean. They only see me unhappy and are trying to help in a way they know how. Though my Boyfriend believes that I have made up my mind to go along with their decision and feels I have given up on him and I.

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    • You have been very helpful, thank you. I think you give great advice, and I will definitely do my best to consider all of it.

    • Thanks and you are welcome. Just don't let your surroundings overwhelm you. Think through it, take your time, but not too long. You already have the tools. just a matter of how you use it. Good luck and stay strong :)

What Guys Said 5

  • Its your life... don't let you parents control you. Do what you think is best. If you give in, they will continue to make demands the rest of your life. It's time to spread your wings and fly out of the nest.

    Only leave this dude if you want to.

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  • Have you been sleeping with the guy? Have you been intimate (in other ways) with him? has he never returned anything even though he's happy to have sex with you? Tbh I call bs on slowness depending on how long it has been. How long have you been going out? What have you done? You do mention living together, but so what?

    Far as I can tell you are being mistreated, but I don't want to blame the boyfriend yet.

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    • We have been together just shy of a year. Yes we have been intimate. To me things have had their rough spots, but we have been inseparable for the majority of our relationship. Though my parents see that as controlling . They feel he was trying to get in between my family's relationship with me and cause a wedge. They feel he sees me as a convenience and that I do more for him then he does for me especially when it comes to money, but, I live at home and he has his own place and rent to pay.

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    • My friends don't necessarily have a problem with how he treats me. They find him strange and "a lot of work" for a relationship, knowing that there have been recent issues. They really just think he is a bit odd and just awkward in social situations.

    • They might just be playing nice and hiding their true disapproval outta fear you'll stop being their friends. I'd try and make sure you get their real opinion and let em know you won't get mad or anything. They might really have no problem, but the way you worded their opinion made it seem like they were just being nice and really don't think highly of him.

  • A boyfriend is the for the time being, Family is forever

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  • The only reason to choose boyfriend is if you two were going to become family. You're old enough to be living together.

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  • I'm sure your father knows what's best for you.

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What Girls Said 3

  • It's your life. YES, your father is smart..and a lot of times, not wrong. BUT, he does not know the whole picture..he does not see you when you are happy with him..he only sees you when you are sad...and even if he has seen you happy with him, he will forget it..and he will only remember the bad times. My dad thinks the same about my BF. That I need to move on. But, he does not even know my BF. So, how does he know? I say live and let learn. If we make the mistake, it is our mistake. If you love him, stay with him! <3 Good luck <3

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  • ideally speaking- which means that your family is healthy, of course- they know what's best for you. you might disagree as of now, but unlike you, they can see the whole situation. they want you to be happy and live the best life possible, no? there must be something missing in your boyfriend for a father to say something like that.

    as an afterthought- he's your boyfriend. don't get attached to someone who can and has the ability to leave you any time over two people who have loved and nurtured you for your whole life.

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  • family. they're seeing something you're missing

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