Being female makes me feel very low value when it comes to dating?

Guys are valued for their intelligence, compassion, style, humor, career, artistic ability, work ethic, looks, fitness, unique perspective, etc. They stay valuable forever. They date who they want and can do things to improve their romantic prospects.

Girls are only valuable for great facial features, tight body and sexual willingness. They are only valuable when they are young. They can't change their romantic prospects, only learn to deal with whoever picks them. Their choices dwindle after only a few years on the serious dating scene.

Being a female makes me feel so miserable and worthless. Does anyone else feel this way?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You could replace 'valued' with 'judged on' and conclude that life is a minefield for men trying to date. Some stay valuable forever, some are worthless forever.

    I think you are mixing a few things though, one is attraction, the other is factors that are valued in a relationship.

    I would agree for the most part - intelligence, humor, looks, fitness, style, career and also confidence are part of women's attraction to men. Going the other way, a woman's attractiveness to men is based on body, facial features, sexuality. (I wouldn't say willingness, I would say enthusiasm. A woman who is enthusiastic does become more sexually desireable).

    That's what draws people together. Yes, its different. You, like most people, focus on when the other side has it 'good'. Men who are fit, tall, good looking, smart, funny, have great careers and are confident have it made with women for their whole lives, the lucky bastards! Of course that's a small group of men. Men who have no career, are slow witted, not funny, in bad shape and are ugly are not desireable to women. Any women. Not women their own age, not women who are younger, not women 20 years older. Nobody wants them. Not today, not ever.

    Women tend to ride a curve. They are indeed very much in demand especially in their prime fertility years. A woman who is not that attractive, at age 25, is still reasonably attractive to most 50 year old men. But that fades.

    Life is good for young women and high status men, and not so easy for low status men or old women. You can decide for yourself if men or women on average have the better or worse deal there, but of course you can't change it. As you said, women can only 'learn to deal with whoever picks them'. For some men though they have no romantic prospects _period_.

    You are focusing (apart from throwing out compassion) entirely on _attraction_. Yes, men and women want relationships with people they find attractive. But that's not what keeps them in a relationship and makes them happy. Both men and women like to be in a relationship with someone who is kind, compassionate, loving, honest and loyal. Those qualities are valued by both. You may not see men value it much when dating casually, but they DEFINITELY seek those in a wife and future mother to their children.

    You can focus on the negatives, or just deal with them and enjoy the positives. I'm 35 now, my wife is older. Yes, 40 year old women do not look as good as 25 year olds, and the world is not their oyster. But 40 year old women who have a good personality and who keep their bodies in good shape, dress well, have a good style, plenty of men are interested in them. Its not like for men being fit and having a career are effortless either!

    You can sit around being sad that you're not a supermodel with every man in the world after you, or you can be the best you can and trust that lots of decent, attractive men will want to be with you, and find one you click with.

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    • I do sympathize. But having nobody to date vs. having a choice between 2 people who are more a chore than an enjoyment to date isn't better either way.

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    • Most of the guys who want to date me seem to not try to get to know me -- instead they seem to assume I am whatever way it is they want their girlfriend to be. The guys who I get along with and really get to know me don't want to date me.

    • It sounds like you are finding your actual 'relationships' are lacking emotional intimacy. I encourage you to speak up and try to find it in relationships. It is not so strange to want your partner to know you, and appreciate your true qualities (most men would treasure the same from you). Don't just wait around for your needs to be met, speak up!

What Guys Said 6

  • Are you mad woman?! Everything you have listed there I value in a woman (if they have it that is). From my own personal experience though, it's extremely hard to find a woman with such a value that I am looking for. I guess my standards are just too high. Neither gender should feel like they don't have any value when they are dating. Only when you value yourself, and know your value, will you meet a guy who also has values and sees those values in you. You're bound to meet the wrong guys if you don't respect yourself and value yourself (this means that you should find your own personal qualities instead of just focusing on what you have to offer looks-wise).

    And this whole changing your romantic prospects and dealing with whoever picks you is the whole reason why women should approach men too. Gender roles mean nothing these days. If you're not willing to approach men and are only taking the options that are available to you then that's your own fault. If you're not willing to make the first move then you're never going to be able to date the person you truly like (unless they make the first move that is).

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  • every single thing you've said about men being valued for is exactly the same for woman.

    this is totally untrue and you shouldn't feel like that's all guys are looking for because it isn't.

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  • If your disillusioned by the world the world around you, find one filled with people who were also dissatisfied and picked up and left.

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    • Alternatively; If you don't dig the going rate, get outta' the market. If the auctioneer is unkempt, sway the bidding. LOL.

  • You are very wrong. I don't see women like that at all. The guy stuff you guy stuff is what I like mostly for a girl. Also girls always have the choice of who to date. Guys don't.

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  • Sexual willingness does not add value.

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    • Ha, ha. Ok, so even less valuable. Women are nearly completely value less.

  • Well, that's biology for you. Just look at human history and notice what women wanted and what men wanted. We can't flip on a dime all of a sudden.

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    • I don't blame anyone for it ... Just don't know what do with this realization.

What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think you have enough going on in your life to make you feel special and important. Go master one of your hobbies or get even better at your job. Those are the things that really make life worthwhile. As long as you have friends, a significant other is just icing on the cake.

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  • Date someone with even less to offer or improve your looks. That's all.

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