First interaction with ex after 3 weeks. anyone want to decode?

i ran in to him on accident and we ended up talking for an hour.

background: he dumped me. said he did not feel he was in the right place to be with me and that he loved me, but needed to work on himself. I've been so heartbroken. the last time we spoke he was very cold to me (which he normally is never), so I stopped contacting him and turned my phone off. that was 3 weeks ago.

so these are the things he brought up:

- he'd been trying to get a hold of me and leaving a bunch of text messages. (he didn't know I don't have a phone now, so I told him... however, it seems that if he really wanted to get a hold of me, he could have written me an email, or left a voice mail)

- said he was still not doing too well and had a lot of stuff to deal with, but has really been trying to better himself, and thinks the things he is doing are helping.

- he quit smoking (something I never approved of)

- he saw my car parked near his house and put a note in the door, but apparently it blew away.

- told me that this is probably a "too little, too late" situation, and that he doesn't know what to say. (I didn't respond to that)

- asked if I had any drastic plans for the future and I told him YES. my lease is up in a month and I want to move to spain for a few months.

- his reaction to that was him laughing and saying, "don't you remember me saying I wanted to move there? did you even think about that?"

- he said I should do it

- talked a lot about how he wanted to quit his job because he does not like who he is because of it.

- asked me if I was doing okay (I said yes (even though I've been sad as hell)

- gave me a hug 4 times before I left.

things he did not say:

- he misses me

- he wants to get back together


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What Guys Said 1

  • if he had to work on himself, he would have asked for some space or even a mini break. not dump you. you should tell him, great, thanks for dumping me, now fuc k off. then go date some other guy cause you deserve better.

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What Girls Said 1

  • i'd say he's probably trying to lessen his guilt for hurting you by being nice like this and attempting some sort of effort for friendliness. He wants you to like him, so he can feel better about himself and what he's done.

    if you hate him and disapprove of him however - that means he has to feel guilty.

    he knows he hurt you. he's just trying to heal your wound so he can feel less guilty. but I don't think he wants to get back together.

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