I just don't get how some people have this power over me.

I've always thought of myself as a fairly empowered woman. The kind to say 'I don't need a man to make me happy' or 'happiness comes from within, no one else can do that for you' and yet in the last year and a half I have had two different men who kind of crapped all over the idea of that. I DO get happier when I have 'male attention' and even if I was happy BEFORE, when it's not there any more it's as if I can't remember how to be happy on my own.

Take my most recent endeavor. Started having serious feelings for a guy I'd been talking to for a few months, told him how I felt and then all of the happiness I had previously, disappeared when the 'avoidance' started. Can't we get an off switch installed so we don't start to get these heavy feelings?

And now I'm kind of back to where I was a few months ago, not as bad because my ex put me through the ringer, over and over and OVER again, but still. Not my usual vibrant, happy self. And I tell you what, I feel pathetic. It makes me feel like some kind of dependent lap dog who just sits quite happily getting fed treats and then poorly treated and yet still returning to the source of said poor treatment.

Rationally, I know that love is an addiction with all the hormones rushing through your body like alcohol or cocaine would. But in the same way as a hardened drug addict, I just don't know what to do about it. I'm trying to take my mind off of things. I've gone for runs, seen friends, worked on projects, listened to a butt load of Nat King Cole (his voice is my other addiction) and yet it still comes back, or rather never really leaves.

Anyway, this is primarily a rant, but any advice is appreciated. And failing that could some hardened professionals please tell me when (if ever) this 'relationship' stuff, gets easier?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah its a rant but at least its a rant that makes sense.

    And my boyfriend has a pretty similar view on it. He tells me his mother made one mistake in raising him and his brother. She raised loyal dogs that will keep coming back and looking for love no matter how many times you kick them. He's had a pretty rough past but I noted one thing he did to help himself. He wore a ring that served as a reminder to himself that he deserved to be happy.

    So forget guys. You deserve to be happy. Believe it and act on it. If pining over these guys is making you unhappy stop it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You are just finding your way as a young woman dating in 2011. it happens to everyone... there are a few people in dating that will do that to you, etc.. That's just the way it is. So don't feel too bad.

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  • Nope it probably gets worse. Some people see the biological clock ticking and have added stress.

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    • Booh hiss :( Perhaps I should just go down the arranged marriage path...probably make my dad happier.

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    • Well in fairness, I did nearly die when my ex broke up with me (and no, I'm not being dramatic) and it's not just two speed bumps. I just lack patience and wish it could be like when my grandparents met. Met in school, got married after university. Easy.

    • The way it was when your grandparents were young is so not like it is today. There are more options today than ever before how to find/hookup with someone. Plus more people are holding out for true love since they have seen how marriages can be ripped apart when one falls for someone else.

      Maybe someday in the future we will have a computer program monitoring all of out behaviors and it will use that to find the best match out there for us. Even using images to decide which one we like best.

What Girls Said 1

  • self control, agency, volition...These character traits, are not thoughts, a feelings, or opinions. they are acts. You know who you are based on what you do-- not based on how you think of yourself.

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