Would you go on a date with girl who has 5 kids?

I just want an honest opinion from the guys. I find myself recently divorced after 10 yrs, raising 5 wonderful children who are my world. But, it seems like what's the point in dating because most men will think I'm just looking for a dad. They have a dad, I'm looking for someone to start my life over with, but I think most men would be too afraid or just plain out not want to be with a women who already has a family. Honest opinion, would you get in a relationship or date a decently cute 26 year women with 5 kids? lol ;)

(for those guys who couldn't answer unless you saw me and think because I have 5 kids I'm probably out of shape.. 5'1 110 and recently completed P90X I'm an ex Army wife so I know how to keep my body in shape ;)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think men view that as a woman wanting a dad for her kids necessarily. I think their more inclined to view that as a huge commitment of your time, attention and mind, which are three things needed for a successful relationship.

    Think of it in these terms: If you have ever had a sales job that required cold calling, you know that no matter how confident you are, you will have some apprehensiveness about cold calling. It will likely take you a few weeks to get your wind, but eventually you'll get comfortable. However, once you do get your wind, you'll likely want another job because cold calling is not typically a desirable occupation.

    Not that men view you as a sales opportunity but they view you as a complex challenge where like it or not, they will have to compete with your kids for your attention at some point. Probably not all the time, and probably not often, but there will be points where there is a competition, and no guy wants to compete against someone's kids. Not only does it make them look like a jerk, but then it makes the relationship unfulfilling. You might have a plan to mitigate this, but simple and plain it's going to happen on occassion, no matter what you plan for.

    Having said all that, I would have to say that I would find someone with five children undesirable for the simple fact that I would not have the relationship with that person that I desire to have in my life, and that would be unfulfilling for me. I'm not going to compete with someone's kids, they deserve their parents as much as they can get them, and I'm not going to interupt that. But in a relationship I need to have my growth with my partner that is uninterupted. If we have kids, that becomes part of our growth, but walking into a situation with that many kids limits the potential relationship drastically.

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    • Thats what I was afraid of :( The only guy I've dated since my divorce seem to feel the same way. There were times when my kids had to come first. And after talking about our future being he didn't have kids he made the comment that he didn't want his first child to be just another number. :( So I guess I was right. So many of my girlfriends say "you can find the right guy you just have to keep looking" but truth is, not really. Which I can deal, just gets lonely sometimes. thanks ;)

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    • Ehhh, judgement is for people who wear long, flowing black robes. Many that I have met have problems speaking the English language, so take judgement for what it's worth. If you'd like to message me great, if not I understand.

    • This is true. And actually, I did. :)

What Guys Said 11

  • No problem at all with kids. I've dated plenty of women who have kids. The only hard part sometimes is being able to schedule date time with them. You have to understand that their kids are important to them and they aren't just going to suddenly drop them to spend time with you.

    But... since I am 6'4", I probably wouldn't date you anyway- I bet you are really cute, but a 15" difference in height is just so awkward :)

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    • I would much rather be shot down for a date because I'm veritcally challenge than because "oh.. you have kids.." LOL ;) Oddly enough I like tall guys but wow 6'4.. I'd have to jump for a kiss! lol Thanks for the response ;)

    • Haha! you would have to jump, but it would be so worth it!

  • for some reason I landed on this page with a lot of the same question as you've posted lol

    (note : to reader this is a copy of a post from another questioner along same lines but is applicable here as well except possibly age grouping)

    let me tell some don't mind at all , for example I'm one, my wife and I have been together now for 40 yrs. she had a 1 year old daughter at the time I met her 6 months latter we were married. had two more daughters . have 5 grandkids 4 boys and and a girl whose the youngest at present.

    i think what I put here says it all on your questions. you said you wanted honest answers why or why not ,below is just food for thought take it for what its worth but*ts from my heart.

    i know what I'm about to say on this is not popular thought in most girls in your age group (18-24)

    the next guy chose from a differenttype guy than what your ex: was.

    most likely he was one of the following types of a type.

    he was controlling

    maybe abusive word or physical

    cheated (which also includes lieing(sp))

    he was either a jock popular guy / badboy type / a player / or just a plain jerk all share some if not all of the above traits and more (negative type traits that is)

    well what type of guy should you choose then?

    well I was back in the 1960's girls would discribe me as "that nice sweet guy with the wavy hair"

    ya, I was one of those nice guys that got over looked in high school by girls because I had the nice guy qualities. and we all know how girls in the age bracket of (14-24) what they think and feel about nice guys .

    LOL ...

    but consider this girls/women by the time they reach 25 or older (some maybe younger if smart)

    realize that the nice guys weren't such a bad deal all along. most of these guys haven't as a rule changed one iota from when they were in high school.these women 25 and older also state on line and encourage younger women not to make the same mistakes they did and love their geeky nerdy sweet nice shy quiet guys to pieces

    yet its also a proven fact that these same guys are better fathers, husbands ,and providers . also 95% of the time they do not cheat on their partners (they maybe at times cheated on but its rare)

    you ask for honest answers to your questions , these are I know pretty expliet answers and detailed to a degree. yet I posted my expierence on this and I am a nice guy which wound upo with a wonderful women to boot. is our life a fairy tale ...lol far from it we have our ups and downs in this relationship but we work them out.

    hopefully my post has been of some help to you make some wise choices this next time with a guy.

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    • actually I'm in the 25-29 age group and yes he was all of the things you mention through out our 10 year relationship. high school sweethearts. I was the honors student, he was the bad boy that kept getting me in trouble lol But if I ever find a man that has all those qualities and can have the patience and big heart my family needs in a man then I guess I'll be doing well. :)

    • actually you can you just need to know where and what to look for.

      do a google on shy guys body language and signals.

      you might be surprised at the number of guys fantasizing about being with you but just to shy to approach you. why shy guys well 70% of the nice guys fall in this area and percentage.

      read as many from each category (body and signals) then sit back and see if you see any of it happening around you with guys you may know or be aquainted with

  • Well, I'm married, so I'm trying to answer in theory.

    I think it depends what you're looking for. You said 'I'm looking for someone to start my life over with'. Wow. You've got quite a life they'd be joining. If you were just looking for some fun on nights the kids were with your dad, that would be easier to find.

    I have three kids. If I were divorced, I think I'd rather date a woman with kids, I just think we'd understand each others priorities and life better. 5 might make me gulp, but I do like 5'1 smokingly hot bodies ...

    I wish you all the best.

    The challenge, as you know, is you can't casually date someone with 5 kids. You either are FWB, or its getting serious FAST and that's an instant family.

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    • Yeah but I'm just at point in my life after being married and not getting what I expected (the happily ever after part) that I just want someone to be happy with. I don't want flings. I just feel "too old" for that now. And I think at the end of the day it can make you even more lonely because they have no commitment to you and whatever happens means nothing. FWB can be sucky when you are looking for more. Thanks for the response ;)

  • Once went on a date with a woman who had 3. Datng such women is interesting. But a LTR? For one thing, their whole life is their kids, of course, and if you don't have any yourself...well, I just listened to her.

    Fortuantely there are singl dads in that situation they can hope to connect with.

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  • hello there friend, n boy r u in luck. I came across ur question by google. Im currently in the situation u r exactly in. im dating a 27 year old with 5 children ages 2,4,5,6 and 7. On top of that i have one of my own from my high school girlfriend and he just turned 12, so that makes a total of 6 kids. hmmmm where do i start? i met my current girlfriend at my job in 2013 after i was laid off from my last job, we didn't just start dating we were friends first, and somehow grew fond of each other. Six months past then we caught feelings, n next thing u know im living with her. thats my story to give u an idea, okay now pros n cons I've come across. cons: no time to spend one on one, money will be tight, have to work two jobs to reach dreams now, baby daddy drama, house always dirty, n people judging. now pros: never boring, house full of life, always will feel loved, and anything positive u can think of happens. Im cutttin it short since running out of characters. They r still men like me out there dont give up, cause once u find that right person everything falls into plCe. Think of it as god always giving u an extra help for doing a positive thing. What mean by that on mans point of view strange and eerie things started happening to me " yu can call it blesses" i know sounds crazy but it really happens. I would rather date a woman with kids, more mature n makes good choices. i love woman and hate girls. dont give up! thats what i always tell myself. let me know if u have questions, ill be happy to answer them for u if u have any u want to know from a mans side of being with woman with 5 kids.

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    • Well it has been my experience with this whole dating mess that there is no good place to meet a decent man. You kinda just have to play it by fate. Most men like the ones here said, literally cringe at the thought. Now when a guy flirts with me or tries to approach me i mostly just smile and excuse it because no matter how cute you think I am, the minute you think my hands are full you are no longer interested. But truth be told my heart is a lot fuller than my hands. I'm not even looking anymore, if it happens it does if not it is what it is. Good for you for being a strong man that can handle a big family and see your girl for who she is when she isn't being mom ;) some men forget that us moms can still be a lot fun when we get the chance :) i wish you all the happiness in your crazy fun chaotic loving life! :) i have one too! Lol

  • i honestly don't think I would. that's a lot more kids than I ever want and really I'm just too young in my opinion to have something like that in my life

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    • I appreciate the honestly. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Just curious if men in my age group would feel the same.

    • totally understandable. thanks :)

  • nah, my ex has 2 kids and she basically wanted me to step up and be dad. cute kids but fuck that noise. kids werent even the issue, she was. she's a mess, 35, STILL living with her mom and aunt, barely had a job. she's basically living like mexicans at her moms and she's basically the house nigger. god, what the hell was i thinking? if they were grown up and out of the house itd be a different story

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  • Find a guy who wants kids but can't have them (shooting blanks) or a single dad. That's probably the best solution for you because every guy knows that a single mom is going to put her kids first and that's nothing wrong with that. I don't have kids and I don't think I would want to be with a woman who already has a family.

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  • no, I deserve a girl that's all mine, try looking for older men 40+ who don't want kids anymore and would like to have a younger girl

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  • aww you have an elementary school in your own house ;) I would date a woman with a billion kids.

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    • yes I do lol ages 1 to 10 and I love every minute :) They are all so great in their own ways :))

  • i won't date a girl with 5 kids tbh : )

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