She ended up choosing him over me. Am I a jerk? Should I have said "yes"?

Hello, everyone. I have a situation that's just been gnawing at me for the last few days. A few months ago, I became friends with a girl that I had met, and we became pretty close afterward, and as time went on, we started to have feelings for each other. However, before I was about to make a move on her, another guy came into the picture, and needless to say, she had to choose between us. In the end however, she ended up choosing him over me. Even though my feelings were hurt, I decided to be mature about the situation, and I decided to just let her go and move on.

I told her that I was happy for her and that I wished everything worked out for the best, but that I wouldn't be waiting for her if their relationship ended. I would be there to support her, but only as a friend. I thought she and I came to an understanding, but soon enough, I came to doubt that.

After they were together for several weeks, they broke up. While I don't know the reason why they broke up, I'm willing to give her ex-boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. The only thing she told me was that he decided that he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend and that their relationship wasn't going to work out as a result.

Needless to say, she came back to me, literally a day after they had broken up, and I think it's also important to point out that this was the first time she talked to me since they got together. After a few days, she asked me out, but I turned her down in spite of the feelings I still had, and still sort of have for her. To be honest, I had come to accept the fact that she liked someone else better than me, and I moved on as a result. My pride got the better of me, and I couldn't accept being her second-best choice in spite of how painful it was for me to do.

After I told her no, she was furious. She called me douche bag for turning her down, and that I was being a baby about everything. She's been ignoring me on Facebook, she hasn't returned my calls, and she won't reply to my text messages. I just want to tell her how sorry I am, and that I want to be here for her, but she won't speak to me. I miss hanging out with her, and to be honest, I still have some feelings for her.

I'm starting to think that this is all my fault, but I'm faced with a huge dilemma. I want to be with her, and I want to believe that her feelings are genuine because she's my friend, but I'm afraid of our relationship being a rebound one. When we still hung out, we always had a lot of fun together. She always managed to pick up my spirits if I was having a bad day. We came very close to kissing when went for a walk one night this summer, and we held hands the entire time! I miss her more and more each day.

I just don't know what to do. I miss our friendship dearly. I miss her to the point where she's been all I've been thinking about for the last few days.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No no no no no no no no no.

    You should've absolutely NOT have said yes. You're clearly a rebound (if you could call it that since it doesn't look like she cared about the other guy AT ALL).

    If she's a close friend, then why the hell did she stop talking to you after she chose another guy over you ?

    If she really really liked you, why would she chose another guy over you in the first place?

    Her calling you a douchebag for rejecting her shows how immature and spoiled she is. That's the way kids act when something they want is taken away from them. "You're mean!"

    Her coming back to you A DAY after she broke up with her ex shows how much she doesn't give two craps about him, and doesn't give two flying f***s about how YOU feel. She's obviously just looking for attention. That's all it is. I'll be willing to bet that if her ex came back for her while you were dating her, she'd probably ditch you for him or something. She doesn't sound good for you at all. Her feelings are NOT genuine, she's just an attention whore who'll go from guy to guy just for the f*** of it.

    I still can't believe how unfair it was for you. She picks another guy over you, doesn't talk to you ever since and then comes back to you after she's done with the other dude. That alone should show you she's using you for her own selfish pleasure.

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What Girls Said 2

  • She is not being genuine, and you kind of know it. Yet, in spite of your feelings for her, you rejected her... you weren't being genuine with her either. Which is why she is mad at you. Well, these things happen. Best thing you can do is learn from this and move on. Don't make the same mistake next time. Next time, be honest and straightforward with the girl on what you're feeling. Easier said than done, but takes practice. gl

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  • I would've done the same as you. I don't like being the rebound girl, or the second choice. It hurts my pride too much when I can find someone else who can consider me as the first choice.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Not your fault. Don't let the desperation of wanting her friendship get in the way. If you told her you wouldn't be waiting, then don't wait and don't let her go around calling you a douchebag and giving you the silent treatment about it. Is she mad because she didn't get her way? Well too bad, tell princess to get over it.

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  • Show her who is boss, be cold with her, and don't let her walk all over you just because she is pretty. You are the MAN. Real men don't care about one sided friendship and sissy indeceiceve women who are spoilt, immature, and bad mouthed. You had the upper hand when you rejected her, you should have kept it by acting indifferent and just letting her do whatever she wanted because she already hurt you before by choosing him, talking to her would only increase the pain and decrease your chances of getting out of the friend zone.

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  • No, It doesn't make you a jerk it makes you human...Yes she did hurt you and you hurt her in return but that doesn't make either of you two bad people. The most you can do now is give her some time to mull it over and when she dose start talking to you again see if you can apologize and reconcile your friendship.

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  • i hate it when girls do that

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