How to say no to a date without crushing a guy's feelings?

So I go to a local pub, I want to read my book over a beer and have some dinner- I'm single and my mates are out of town and don't fancy sitting at home eating a meal for one alone. As I'm happily enjoying my dinner I notice a guy by the bar checking me out, I just want to be left alone at this point so I just ignore him and carry on eating my food. He continues to glance over at me, trying to get my attention I assume, I am getting a little irritated so I finish my food and leave. I still fancy another beer whilst I engross myself in my book so I head to a different bar, order a beer, sit down and happily swig down my beer whilst I read. This is great, no ones bothering me, until a few minutes later when the same guy appears beside me and places a bottle of beer on the table, says the barmaid has told him to buy me a drink as we're both alone. I've already decided I ain't drinking it and need to make a run for it. I smile politely and excuse myself to the ladies room, only I spotted a guy at the bar who seemed like an alright kinda guy, I had noticed him on my way in chatting with his mates. So I smile at him and get a smile back, approach him and ask him if he'll be my wing man and **** block this guy whilst I finish my beer, he's amused and agrees so we go out to the garden area and chat over a beer- actually had a blast, and several drinks later I enjoying being in the pub and had forgotten about reading my book, this was Wednesday, fast forward to Saturday...

I'm in HMV browsing the DVD's when I suddenly hear my name yelled across the store, it's the guy from the pub grinning at me demented and waving excitedly (not wing man the guy that creep-ed me out). I go into panic mode, what the hell do I do? The only logical thing I can think of, duck and browse the bottom shelve whilst practically commando crawling to the end of the aisle, I swear if I had just done one of those forward rolls I would have been out the door and home safe, but no...This guys pretty swift and is now standing next to me! Okay so I can't just ignore him, I grab for a random DVD and stand bolt upright, try the confident don't mess with me I armed with a DVD pose as he stretches out his hand and makes a grab for my arm, he's still smiling- clearly oblivious to my horror at his sudden appearance.

What do I do? Look at the DVD act distracted - I am, it turns out I'm holding a copy of The Lost Boys 3... Now I'm just mortified by my selection as I recall how fantastic The Lost Boys was and how distraught I was by the sequel... Now theirs a part 3, WTF! Are you kidding me, please Cory Feldman, don't suck the life out of your glory days with a franchise, Okay back to the guy, his names Ray and he's now asking me where I disappeared to on Wednesday... I'm sorry but is failing to re-appear from the loo not hint enough? Clearly not!

I apologies, say I bumped into a few mates, he then asks me if I want to go for a drink now. I make my excuses, he leaves and I feel terrible.

So how do I deal with persistent guy's without crushing their egos?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just say you aren't really in a daiting place... Lead him to think you just broke up and aren't ready to jump back in. That way you have a reason but it isn't him... I have had that said to me and it's less crushing then I don't like you...

    • Yeah that sounds more pleasent and easier to do, it's so frustrating, you hit it on the head totally- I am newly single- well I say that but it's been 11 months, but still I was with my ex for 17 years so 11 months doesn't seem so long to me. I am ready to date, just I guess I am a little picky, I've turned down 9 guys in the last two months, all wanting to take me out on a a date, all took the turn down well, just this one guy has really creeped me out, is this how much dating has changed?


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What Guys Said 3

  • Just tell them 'no thanks'. If he's persistent, tell him 'no' every time.

    As far as him buying you a drink or whatever, tell him "No thanks' to that too. If he insists, let him know he should not be wasting his money like this. (lol the bartender told him to buy you a drink? haha, like she knows any better)

    If he gets butt-hurt, that's his problem.

  • It's cases like this that make me shake my head at my gender. Too many of us are oblivious.

    If I were you, next time he comes up to you, just tell him honestly. Say you're not interested, and because you didn't want to be blunt you tried to give subtle hints. Just ask him to leave you alone. If he's that stupid there's no other way.

    • I don't hold grudges, I love men, and have met some awesome guys but just don't know how to rejec ta guy nicely without feeling like crap, like I'm too empathetic.

  • In this case, I'd be as direct as possible. He clearly doesn't do well with subtlety.

    Also, I didn't even know there was a The Lost Boys 2. I enjoyed the original well enough, but nothing about it really screamed sequel.


What Girls Said 3

  • I would just be honest. Say that you really aren't into him, and that his persistence has been kind of creepy :P I know what you mean, some guys just won't take no for an answer. Since you have already tried avoiding him and disappearing when he comes to you. It's best to be honest now. Just say that you don't fancy him as he does you. I know this hurts, but it's better hearing it now, than standing him up for a date, or even dating him and breaking up with him because you don't feel that way.

  • If a guy is crushed just because you said no to sex, he is douche bag & it doesn't matter.

    • it wasn't sex, he wanted a date but followed me from one bar to the next which creeped me out, then turned up in hmv and asked me out again.

    • Oh, I misunderstood. Just say your not interested & if he follows you, spray mace in his eyes, that's just creepy.

  • Say no the first time.

    If he is still persistent, consider that as disrespect (because it is) and get stern with him and repeat the No and give him a dirty look and tell him to leave you alone.

    Don't worry about his feelings. Trust me, when a guy persistently asks you out, he's not concerned about your feelings, he's just trying to get some ass. He is not going to go home crying because the girl of his dreams turned him down because he really had feelings for you because he was just thinking about sex anyway.

    Stop feeling guilty for saying no, you have every right to do it.