Doesn't return calls but texts instead?

[Anonymous]

I tried setting a date up with a girl over the phone. I called and received her voice mail. I left a short message saying my name and to call me when she got it. A few hours later she responds in a text saying how she "was sorry she missed my call!" and that she was at a soccer game and now waiting on her brother. She then proceeded to ask me what I was up to.

Why not just call back?

So I wasn't about to play texting games. I don't do that anymore, it's just a waste of time. I sent her a text that said: "call me in 10 minutes. I'm in the middle of something right at this sec". I did it to put the pressure on her a little bit. I'm not about to ask for a date over text. I want to hear her. And so, I didn't hear from her for the rest of the night.

Do you think perhaps she just is more comfortable texting? She has done this one other time as well. The first time I called her and left a message though she called back and we chatted. I'm about to cut contact if she doesn't have the interest enough to pick up the phone.

Updates

+1 y

I don't know what to do. Please advise. My roommate thinks I should just move on to the next girl. Should I send her a text or email to ask her for a date?I still haven't heard from her.


She really has put me in a weird position. I'd like to take her out but I seriously don't want to sacrifice my entire pride in the process.

[Friends_Alibis92]

Okay she might not be comfortable talking on the phone, but up until a couple years ago, texting wasn't really popular or used for anything. So she should just "woman up" and talk to you on the phone since it gets easier every time you do it. Just don't make it a 45 minute conversation when she's still uncomfortable with it. She SHOULD answer her phone, that's just rude to ignore the call and then just text back...a couple of my friends do that and I HATE it and I feel like I'm not even worth their time. So I just don't call them or text them anymore and if she doesn't want to talk to you over the phone, don't talk to her.

Secondly, I think that is awesome of you that you actually called the girl. There are some guys I know who will ask a girl out over texting or whatever and its annoying, so good for you :)

[Asker]

I don't know, if I don't hear from her tonight (by text or call) I'm deleting her # and not bothering. It may seem harsh but I'm not in middle school anymore.

Yes I used to be one of those guys that just text, but it's really not good for dating for a number of reasons. The straightforward approach is just better, plus you really can't be called "creepy" or obsessive just because you call a girl a few times. I like that you get your answer immediately when you call. Texting can take hours!

[Friends_Alibis92]

I wish I could like your comment...You sound like a nice guy

[KikiKerasine]

I personally agree with you about texting. Granted I text the guy I'm dating more than anything. But, I would prefer for him to ask me out in person or over the phone ask to see me. I mean he asked me out through text but it was because we had just met and had only been texting for about a week. Now that we've met in person, I don't mind texting but I would rather him call me first to ensure that I'm don't mess anything up. But, I'd still call if I had to or is he asked. I seriously think it's stupid when girls pull the 'I-can't-talk-on-the-phone' thing because they 'freak out'. That's BS. My best friend is super shy and she talked to her current boyfriend over the phone and was nervous but she managed now they live together and are happy.

[KikiKerasine]

Dude first off how long have you not heard from her?

[Anonymous]

she doesn't sound like she's comfortable talking on the phone and honestly, I'm not either. It doesn't mean I'm playing games or whatever, it just means I'm not a phone person, texting is more comfortable for me

[Asker]

Yes, actually I don't think she is comfortable on the phone. From the one time I talked to her on the phone she seemed like she had some trouble maintaining the conversation.

Where do I go from here though? She didn't even text back after I told her to call- again in my text to her. At least give an explanation if she is really at all into it.

[Opinion Owner]

An explanation that she doesn't like to talk on the phone? is that necessary considering you already know that? Stop pushing the issue, stop pushing her to call you. You know she's comfortable texting, so let her text you instead of set up a date. If you keep pushing, you're going to push away a really great girl because of something stupid you did. Let her get more comfortable around you before bringing up the phone. She might just be shy around you right now

[Asker]

Umm? I don't know she is uncomfortable talking on the phone for sure. I did nothing wrong or stupid. Being interested in someone is not a crime. I have no idea what you're referring to... If we can't talk on the phone (which really isn't a big deal) I don't see the compatibility there. No bond can ever truly be created through texting. It's a shallow form of communication.

[Opinion Owner]

It might not be a big deal to you but it might be a big deal from her. You're looking at this from your point of view only and not hers. You're not creating a bond yet, you haven't even gone out yet. When you're forming that connection with someone, it's in person, not over the phone or text. That doesn't matter, what matters is what they're like in person

[Asker]

Well yes but that's what I'm trying to do. What she is doing is just pushing me away. I don't expect a bond to be created before going out but I'm not going to take the shortcut and text. It's so passive. I've wasted enough of my time texting girls. It amounts to nothing. And I'm not just talking about a romantic sense. Friendship or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean, dude. The girls here don't understand. Texting with them is almost useless. It amounts to a waste of time and creates no real bond. The whole point of going out is to create a bond. All "getting to know them" via text does is send you further towards friendzone.

[Asker]

Exactly. Plus texting puts the girl in control. It is their domain. They can ignore you for hours on end and not have to be sorry about anything. The whole time a guy may freak out or think the worst. Girls want a guy to "take charge" so this is contradictory to how they approach phone conversations. I don't know though, maybe she's changed her mind about me. Again, hard to say since I can't get her on the phone!

[FatBatKiller]

Oh I can relate. It's frustrating that almost all girls are "uncomfortable talking in the phone". . so instead they blow up your phone with seemingly illegal amounts of useless texts about absolutely nothing.

I'll never understand it.

[HannahCzech]

Move on, if its that big of a deal to you.

Me, I get really, really nervous and awkward over the phone with anybody that isn't immediate family... to avoid outright embarrassment, I just text!

[Asker]

I sent a text. It's not that big of a deal but it's something I don't really like.

We don't know each other well and haven't hung out so I'm letting it slide a bit. She seems shy so I'm not gonna be that strict about things for the time being.

I guess I'll find out.

[doublejj]

Go with text for now. When you do finally take her out use the phone text situation as conversation piece and bring it up in a Light funny way

[auuudriana]

I think she really just is more comfortable texting. I, for one, hate talking on the phone and find it very awkward and it doesn't feel right to me; so, I text.

[Asker]

That would be helpful if she just said, "I feel more comfortable texting". I'd be like" oh, ok" and understand.

I'm just going to leave it and maybe she'll come around and say something.

[Anonymous]

Just text her. Then forget about her. If she responds, great, if not screw her and find someone better.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I'm still on the fence about this. I really feel like it should be her move but want to see if something is there.

[Opinion Owner]

I know what you mean. To be honest, with girls that you feel like that about, that it should be her move, nothing's probably going to come out of it. So you might as well send a text because you have nothing to lose and then move on to other people. In a few months time, when you think of her, you'll think how dumb she was to not even give you one chance. Her loss.

[AleM515]

When someone text's back and doesn't call, they are trying to stay away from more of the emotional/physical. Texting you don't hear voice, or emotion.. I always text a guy back if he calls, and I don't want to talk to him, it's a easy cop out.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice. Yes, I was thinking something similar.

[JenniferBrown]

I guess she feels more comfortable while texting, nothing more.