Went to far on the first date, advice?

Should I be worried if a guy makes out and touches my butt on the first date? I've never even kissed a guy on the first date and I got kind of carried away and I was determined not to even kiss him. We both believe premarital sex is wrong (dont judge) it may work for other people but we believe it's wrong for us. I would never do that but I'm scared that he might try to pressure me should I be worried? Please don't make fun of me. I felt super uncomfortable when he touched my butt and I pulled his hand up to my waist. he's super respectful in every other way but he doesn't seem to have any sense of boundaries whatsoever. I am concerned. I don't know why I made out with him even as it was happening I was kind of hating myself for it.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Only YOU can decide how far is too far this soon in your relationship, it all depends on your boundaries and what you're comfortable with. It's nice that you're both on the same page about sex and it's out in the open so there's not any confusion about THAT. But sex isn't the ONLY boundary you can have about things, and people view the notion of premarital sex in different ways. Some people believe it means just that- no actual sex but other things (kissing, touching etc.) are OK, others feel differently. It sounds like maybe you guys need to discuss what you're comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with, both at this point in the relationship and down the road.

    First of course, you have to figure it out and be clear on things because if you're not it's unfair to expect him to be clear either. Now, we all kind of have that "first date" rule about where we're willing to take things and where we draw the line. But, speaking from experience, it doesn't always work out that way- I've ended up doing just what you did, getting caught up in the moment and taking things a bit further than I planned. It's no great evil- we're all human after all and it's not as if you can't take a step back on your next date.

    Here's the question- were you uncomfortable making out with him and him touching your butt because of the actual action or were you uncomfortable because it wasn't what you felt you SHOULD do? Every relationship is different and while it's good to have boundaries, it's almost impossible to have a time-line and rulebook that will work for them all.

    Sit down and ask yourself what you're comfortable with doing with THIS guy at THIS moment, figure out your physical boundaries and then just talk to him about it. You both need to be aware of each others' expectations and boundaries. It's all part of dating, don't beat yourself up over it, it's not the end of the world and it can be fixed. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 7

  • Dating frequently results in some sort of fiendish activity like kissing, haha. Unless you're going out with a eunuch.

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  • Why would you be scared that he will pressure you. In your previous statement you said you BOTH believe it's wrong for you "We both believe premarital sex is wrong (dont judge) it may work for other people but we believe it's wrong for us" If you are upset about kissing and your butt being touched and that is not sex then maybe you need to sit him down and discuss how that is a bad thing to have your butt touched.

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  • Did he touch butt -- or butt hole? If just butt, no worries. But set clear limits.

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  • Sounds like boundaries need to be set.

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  • Is making out evil or something?

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    • Nooooo, I just feel like it was too soon

  • you didn't go to far. touching your butt, isn't going to far. Do you realize what other girls do on the first date. I've gotton vaginal, anal, oral, and every other type of sex you could imagine on the first date. You're behavior is very tame. Have fun enjoy your youth. Examine if you want to refrain from sex or not, be your own boss and your decisions will feel right.

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  • you are wrong about him

    and he is lying

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    • What is he lying about?

    • Not wanting premarital sex.

    • We both believe premarital sex is wrong

      it may work for other people but we believe it's wrong for us

      but I'm scared that he might try to pressure me

      he's super respectful in every other way but he doesn't seem to have any sense of boundaries whatsoever

      This was only the first date?

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