Courting v. Dating - Out with the Old, in with the New?

In contemporary society, it's considered the norm for individuals to date many people - in hopes of finding "the one", you have intimacy before commitment. While courting is becoming less popular and more iconvenient, seeing as the commitment comes before the intimacy. Both have pros and cons. Which would you prefer?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know.

    I think its worth noting though, for people who want to date seriously and have relationships but remain virgins, that this has _never happened_ in human history. There has _never_ been a time when people had sexless committed relationships as the norm. For most of history, as you say, there was courting - i.e. seeing if you wanted to get married. People used to talk about 'what a man's intentions were' i.e. did he intend to marry the girl or was he trying to 'take advantage'. It was obvious that a 3-year loving and committed sexless relationship was NOT something that would happen.

    Even in my parents day when 'dating' had become common, it tended to be more casual 'going on dates' unless they got more serious ... but getting serious was generally a step towards marriage.

    I think its only with premarital sex becoming normal that deep, serious long term relationships prior to marriage became normal.

    Virgins who want those while saving it for marriage are hoping for something that's never really existed.

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    • You're so thorough, and you make a lot of sense.

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    • Dudeman, the more annoying thing is that a lot of cows nowadays don't recognize milk production as being required :p

    • At the same time, though, who wants to buy the cow when someone else has tasted the milk? I suppose it depends on how you're comfortable living, though.

What Guys Said 2

  • Courting. If you give many people a chance to experience the most intimate thing you can do, how special is it when you find a really good guy and can only give him what you have given many other men.

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  • What's the difference?

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What Girls Said 1

  • A mix of both really. I don't expect gifts but they're nice I guess :) I also prefer to know a man physically before we become official.

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    • By physically, you mean on an intimate level, I presume? And why did you mention gifts? Just asking.

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    • Some cultures still are 'courting' style. I know a few guys who are pakistani Muslims, well educated etc. They didn't really date. When they were established enough to get married, they started meeting girls who were eligible. Wasn't arranged marriage or anything, but parents would help connect them, they could meet on their own. And they'd get to know the girls, and vice versa, and eventually got married. But there was no question they and the girls were sizing each other up for marriage.

    • That's true. My sister has a friend who is of Pakistan, her parents chose potential suitors, and she chose among them.

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