Ready to give up!

I'm 25 years old and "exhausted"! I have offers for dates and get plenty of phone numbers but it is never guys I'm interested in. (I do not want that to sound arrogant) They are all great guys, but I'm not sexually attracted to them! I'll be the first to admit that I am picky, but I work hard at everything I do (personally and professionally) and have been taught not to settle. It is time to settle? All of my friends are getting married, are married or are having kids. It is so depressing and seems like Mr. Right doesn't exist. Just need some advice.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sex & relationships are very counter-intuitive things sometimes, because we are essentially dealing with other human beings who are as sapient as we are. We can't box each other in and try to make each other fit this image of idealism. We are who we are.

    That's why, when it comes to relationships, the people who 'try' the least are the people who win the most.

    WeaponZero put it best. Go out there and date some guys, you'll meet one who is right for you.

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What Guys Said 12

  • Allow me to foretell your future.

    You're going to keep going on like this until you meet a man who fits all of your "criteria" and everything will be fine with him for a little while, until you find out that nobody is perfect and he isn't all he's cracked up to be. He's going to do something to you that's going to tempt you to swear off men completely for a while until you meet a man who's about as far from your idea of the perfect man as possible, but he makes you laugh, he makes you happy, and he gives you what you need and then some.

    My point is, you can keep to your criteria, its ok, but odds are when you meet a guy who meets them he'll end up being nothing but trouble in the long run, and the guy you really fall for is going to be far from your dream guy, and that's a good thing.

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    • I'll second this. And I don't know what your dream guy is like, but you may want to read this article recently in the news: Rom-coms 'spoil your love life.'

    • *sigh* I meant this:

      link

  • "Settling" is not the answer, as you would be messing up 2 people's lives. What could possibly help you, is for you to make a list of qualities/traits you want in a potential mate. After you have done this, review the list again, in order to see which you can live without (negotiables) and which you can't (non-negotiables). If you haven't done this, this is a good way to gain perspective into what you REALLY are looking for/need in someone. It will also help you to view the guys you come in contact with in a different light. A friend of mine stated something I found interesting: 'My wife didn't/doesn't have all of the qualities I wanted/would want in a mate, but what she does have makes up for all of that' (and they have been happily married for quite some time. Unless some is a total turn-off/bore, maybe an investigation would be in order. And you wouldn't be settling, but adjusting your thought pattern. It has been done before by many people - another friend of mine was 'chasing' this woman who kept rebuffing him. Then she got sick with cancer and, basically, he was the only one who was there for her through it (showing his great desire to care for her). Now their married for about 8, 10 years. And recently she stated that, even though there's always going to be problems, she's happy that she gave him a chance.

    Just my thoughts!

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  • To offer a different perspective: Some of my best experiences with dating (and in bed) are with people I didn't want to marry, or I'm not too attracted to. Some features may be still be attractive! You may think you know right away you don't want to have a long term relationship, but you may be excluding some really good, satisfying times from your life. And, after a few strays from your embedded archetypes, you may find something that will alter your thinking, and make you a happier person. Take the blindfolders off, and enjoy life! Mr. Right is there, you're just avoiding him. Maybe the right person for you is not who you think.

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  • I know it's frustrating for you, but just try to relax and not worry about it the best you can. vmw2008 brought up some good points. I know it's easy for you to look over your shoulder and see your friends married and having families, but it's important you don't just give yourself away. I know you won't, you've actually done a good job of holding out and waiting, definitely speaks about who you are. As vmw2008 said, Mr. Right probably isn't going to come to you like you expect him to. The tons of guys that are flocking to you definitely isn't what you're after, Mr. Right will come when you don't expect him to and isn't going to push things as fast as the other chasers will. I'm sure he'll see that and show that he cares for you because of who you are, not you look. Hang in there, you still have time even though you think it's running out. =)

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  • Try to give these guys a chance, you don't really know a man until you have sex with him. Date lots of people until you find one you like. Don't expect to like them right away, sometimes feelings develop only after a few months, also if a relationship doesn't work it doesn't mean is over, you can always start again with someone else.

    And take care of your looks, treat yourself as a princess if you want others to treat you that way, you have to treat yourself first. get manicures, pedicures, shave, don't wear weird makeup or weird polish, dress cool, don't dress boring, smile, take care of your hair, go to the gym, avoid white flour and avoid wheat flour as well, drink water, sleep well.

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  • lol babe ur 25, not 35...aka you've got ten years of lovin left before settling into a trapped marriage with kids screaming at you. You will find that someone...period.

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  • well... if you're a "2" trying for a rich "9"...

    good luck with that...

    reality and fantasy are often at odds with one another. SInce you don't list the "shortcomings" of these men, there are 3 I see a lot that women talk of...

    1) looks

    2) money

    3) "niceness"

    1 and 2 are obvious, #3... well, Cosmo and Oprah has everyone convinced men need to be doormats, basically... and that's not what "real men" are like.

    we can be educated, and successful professionally... and still come home and want to fish and drink beer on the weekends.

    I'd day it is fairly obvious your standards are too high in one or more ways. Its not "settling", its called being realistic and practical...

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  • Translation:

    Waaaa I'm a 25 year old woman flooded by the petitions of men seeking my attention but none of them are good enough! all I want is a philanthropist multi millionaire doctor by day and under wear model by night. to come sweep me off my feet and make all of MY dreams come true. why hasn't this happened yet I know I'm not asking to much because anything less would be settling and I'm unwilling to compromise!

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  • well. you must be exhausted cause you don't know that 25 isn't between 18 and 24.

    haha juuust kidding. but why settle? Settling just ends in divorce. and why do people have to get married?

    I am just some fat guy, and I don't even plan on settling. If I find a girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, that's great. but if I don't, that's life. I'd much rather be by myself than be with somebody I'm not sure about.

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  • I think you should hang in there. I don't think I could go out with a girl I was no physically attracted to.

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  • l what is your idea of Mr. Right? is it a realistic person, or some abstract fantasy figure that legions of women are chasing after, but who you are the only girl he has eyes for

    i know tons of girls who sleep around with all the hot sexy guys that have an over abundence of charm and confidence, while passing over great guys who (as real people, with real down to earth personalities) might not be perfect

    but that's life I guess

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  • If you want Mr. Right go hire a f***ing male stripper. Don't equate sex to relationships. You're probably just another wet girl who want's to get slammed. Yeah and don't be picky because you seem like a real arrogant sob. I bet you're no chocolate cake yourself so learn some humblness and stop whining. That's life your 25 its not the end of the f***ing world.

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    • Yikes, were you not loved as a child?... you seem very angry. I asked for advice, not pure rudeness, and at no point was I being arrogant. Saying I'm not sexually attracted to someone is not whining or arrogant, it's honesty. Being picky worked out well for me in the end. Settling wasn't an option for good cause: heaven forbid I ever came across you. I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're VERY alone. It's called tact, look it up.

What Girls Said 5

  • No no don't settle. 25 is so way too young to be settling! I'm surprised actually that most of your friends are already married/having kids. I know ,so many people that are 25-29 and don't even have girlfriends/boyfriends! Don't give up. The only advice I can give is to go out on these dates but just have fun. Don't think that just because you're going on a date that you have to be sexually attracted already. Dating can just be fun. I say this because my mom had absolutely no interest in my dad until they went on their 5th date and then they were married for 25 years. My best friend started dating guys just for fun even if she wasn't totally head over heels, and found the love of her life.

    Just give it a try! But you will usually find mr. right when you stop looking.

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  • im not as old as you, but I'm experiencing a similar problem. there's all these guys at college that are interested in me and we hook up and all but I feel nothing. for me I know its because I'm still in lvoe with my ex and I haven't moved on. maybe you have the same problem? I keep holding out for my ex so I can't get close to anyone else. my advice would be to try to build a relationship not based on sex with these guys first. you might find that you do get attracted to them later on.

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  • I am 30. Do not settle! My baby brother just went through a nasty divorce/custody battle. Settling is not worth it in the end. I've never been married, never been in love, dated tons... exhausted of dating the wrong guys... but I'm optimistic. He is out there and for you too. You only have one life to live. Don't waste it with the wrong guy when there IS someone right for you out there!

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  • Don't look for sexual attraction, look for a personal attraction with men. Relationships that are based on sexual attraction never last. If you can build a strong foundation then other types of attraction may come your way and you'll end up with someone you'd never thought you'd be with.

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  • just remember no one is perfect.

    for example my guy smoked a lot of ciggarrettes and pot, and I was against it and he quit for me

    also he never brushed his teeth and he started when he met me.

    and he's not very clean but he has started to get cleaner.

    so you have to compromise.

    there might be little things you don't like about him, and little things he doesn't like about you.

    but those things, as long as you both are willing to compromise, I think if it can be worked out and then you both are happy with the results, then give it a go.

    just saying, don't be overly picky

    this was written a year ago, any luck so far?

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